The way I see it vis a vis self-acceptance is that I'm going to be me, more or less the way I was born and meant to be, for maybe an average of 70 years, could be less, could be more. I could spend my life constantly trying to be something and someone I'm not, or just wondering why I wasn't born normal, but that's a long time to regret something that happened that I had no choice in, and quite a waste of time, maybe not enough time, to do all the things I was meant to do as the person I am. Do I get angry at myself for doing something dumb or wrong, and do I wish that I was better at some things? Yeah, of course. But after throwing a pillow against a wall or ranting about it on the internet, I can go back to doing what I usually do, and hopefully next time I won't make that mistake.
As for day-to-day things - there are things that need to be done, like homework, feeding myself, my job, sleep, certain maintenance and chores, etc., and I do them, because I know that there is not the possibility of things being as they should be if they aren't done, and therefore failure to do them simply can't be considered as an option. They will get done by virtue of me knowing that they must be done. There are things that I like to do, and therefore I will do if at all possible, like be on the internet, talk to my friends, watch anime and work on art projects, and when I have time and enough motivation left over, I'll take care of those. The rest, "social" things that others expect of me but I don't think have any real impact on me or even them, I ignore to the extent that is possible. I take the complications out of my life as much as possible. Yes, sometimes things are difficult, or tedious, or even overwhelming when there are lots of things, but I don't let things complicated, as in incomprehensible or difficult to separate out and eventually understand. That wouldn't allow me to get things done.
25 Aug 2008, 10:57 pm
