attention avoidance vs attention seeking

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I had anxiety most of the time when I knew I had to present myself at some office for a job. I had anxiety when I wanted to go to the swimmingpool (water phobia) but I wanted to swim and forced myself...it is the only sport where I don't need to compete with anyone and be on my own...sort of.

Though carrying the traumas from learning how to swim was alway sitting on my back like a monkey. I was afraid of another good swimmers, boys and girls staring at me...once in the water I was ok, the diving or jumping, putting my foot in the water was the difficult part and also I am extremely sensitive to cold water.

Many years later in India I hated being stared at, but I developed an artist personality where I like to wear what I like and that is either very outlandish or eccentric and then people stare at me and come and compliment me, others laugh at me. I try to ignore the laughers and yet I need these compliments, it is very contradictive and I cannot explain but by the fact that I needed attention when I was a little boy...what would it be?

This because I read that most people don't like to draw attention to themselves