Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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AutisticMalcontent
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01 Sep 2008, 1:14 am

Well I'm going to cite off a cliche' that everyone is familiar with- "Nice guys finish last". I am a strong believer in this cliche', the reasons being very simple, according to what I've observed. First off all, nice guys are typically "normal" and are not nearly as interesting/exciting and wild as overly confident guys/jerks/charming guys. Note that I am not using jerks as a synonym for all confident guys romantically, just a select group. Secondly, nice guys tend to be shy and not nearly as assertive romantically like confident guys tend to be. And finally, nice guys, in their shyness, don't understand about how to approach girls/women romantically, and therefore they appear awkward around them.

These are the reasons why nice guys fail I believe. But I also have another belief and I'm curious as to how many agree with me on this. Since nice guys are often rejected because of their shyness, girls tend to go out with guys that exude confidence, and who also tend to be jerks after a while. This is my opinion, I think that girls who reject nice guys and date jerk-type guys more than deserve the heartache they will eventually feel, whether it be a bad breakup, being used, or whatever else. I'm not saying that every girl has to date one particular nice guy, but I'm saying that if a girl rejects a nice guy for a jerk, isn't it fitting that she pay the consequence of her choice? Kind of like the physics principle "For every reaction there is a opposite and equal reaction"? Just my thoughts, tell me what you guys think ;)



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01 Sep 2008, 1:23 am

You are correct. So-called "nice guys" don't demonstrate the kind of social value that women need in order to be attracted to them. Women get approached by "nice guys" all the time... that's why they act bitchy to them and blow them off; they just don't have enough time to entertain every "nice guy" that approaches them.

This is just the way it is and I don't think that is going to change any time soon. To be competetive in the romantic world, you have to display alpha male characteristics.



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01 Sep 2008, 1:25 am

Nice guys do finish last, but they do still finish.


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Praetorius
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01 Sep 2008, 1:29 am

KingChaosNinja wrote:
Nice guys do finish last, but they do still finish.
Yeah, with ugly girls.



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01 Sep 2008, 1:31 am

"Nice guys finish last, because they make their girls cum first." :wink:

Sorry, I just made that up. :lol:



Last edited by Cyberman on 01 Sep 2008, 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Sep 2008, 1:41 am

Anyway... The way I see it, shallow women are always going to be attracted to shallow men... and since we don't fit their shallow standards, they're not attracted to us. I guess the key for Aspie guys is to avoid shallow women and find the ones who have real personalities... the ones who don't have BS standards for what they want in a man. If she's too busy waiting for Prince Charming to come along, then you'll know she's too superficial for you anyway.

I know this has been talked about before, but I guess it needs to be emphasized again.



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01 Sep 2008, 2:10 am

Women don't want nice, even if they say they want nice. Nice is not attractive in any form. Women want someone who can please them. In order to please women, you need to be able to be attractive, athletic enough for sex, be able to be financially secure at the very least, be able to impress her friends so she doesn't have to be embarrassed or make excuses, and most of all you must have excellent hearing and the abilty to read and properly interperate their every action, reaction, movement, stare, every sound they make, and even understand what their silence means. Oh, and you must be able to talk in a way that is pleasing to her at all times.

In order to survive this sort of stressful situation, men often purchase a brewmiester, hunting or fishing gear, large flat screen tv with dish, golf clubs, model trains, coin collections, and many other things that usually women will have nothing to do with. I heard of one guy who started dumpster diving on the weekends. This gave him a break from his wife, and do to his strange odor, she avoided him upon his return home. This allowed his mind to recover and ultimately saved his marraige.



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01 Sep 2008, 2:32 am

AutisticMalcontent wrote:
First off all, nice guys are typically "normal"

uhh...
i thought aspies definition of "normal" was NT and that normal NT male behaviour was being confident/charming/a jerk... this idea of being normal is just rubbish


women want nice men with a strong sense of integrity who treats them with respect, not a pushover

and as adorable as shy guys look from a distance, many of them are so withdrawn and caught up in their own fantasy world they don't even notice when nice girls are interested in them... then the only way to get their attention is to shove yourself in their face which only causes them to freak out and run away... the way i see it, shyness is just another form of narcissm



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01 Sep 2008, 3:20 am

I think anyone regardless of sex wants to be with someone who is interested in them. Nice guys are often shy and this appears as if he is aloof and not interested. The stereotypical cool guy knows how to fool a female into thinking he cares about her and this is the appeal.

If you think that women are shallow then you will be surrounded by shallow women. My suggestion to you is to love yourself first and don't expect a horde of women to pound on your door simply because you have such a great personality. All you need is one, right? Unless, you secretly hope to be some sort of Cassanova, and in that case you deserve to be disenchanted.



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01 Sep 2008, 3:33 am

i have also heard saying that women date bad guys but marry the nice ones. while they are young and don't take the whole dating seriously they are interested in the bad 'testosterony' guys just for the fun of it. as soon as they start thinking of getting someone suitable as father of their offspring, they start looking after the nice ones. at least those, who didn't get pregnant meantime. it's a dangerous game and i don't think that any of them deserves an abusive husband.


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01 Sep 2008, 4:09 am

No one is nice but most people are "nice".


Women love masculine guys , nice or not.

A non-masculine jerk guy would find troubles like the non-masculine nice guy.


Most jerks are masculine while most nice guys are not masculine, but it's all in masculinity.



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01 Sep 2008, 5:08 am

I'm nice guy but rejected............


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01 Sep 2008, 5:14 am

Praetorius wrote:
KingChaosNinja wrote:
Nice guys do finish last, but they do still finish.
Yeah, with ugly girls.


Because in reality, you're aren't really attracted to them much. The fact is that less attracted you are to them the more easier it is to talk when it comes to nice guys. Come on guys, break the shell. Just because one attractive girl rejects you or may reject you doesn't mean you have to "settle" with ulgy nor settle into a shell from which you can't escape. Maybe add a little "anarchy" to the nice forumla. Loosen up. Nice guys finishing last is so boring.

LePetitPrince wrote:
No one is nice but most people are "nice".


Women love masculine guys , nice or not.

A non-masculine jerk guy would find troubles like the non-masculine nice guy.


Most jerks are masculine while most nice guys are not masculine, but it's all in masculinity.


True to some extent but it has a lot to do with how you assert yourself just as much as the body type when it comes to women. Act in a carefree manner without the worries of rejection and wonders will never cease. If you look sort of "wimpy" or "fairy" (ie. gay) then you have a lot more work to do but you can still make. Sit around and not making a move isn't helping anyone and coming here to vent is just really annoying. Take my advice and don't "completely listen" to LePetitPrince. He and I'm assuming "he" is typcially a man whom lives in absolutes that can't possible be true if you took he time to look around you.

It gets tiring to here about this nice guy vs jerk crap. Time for a "revolution" of social understanding. Keep working at it, improve yourself socially as well as mentally. Be willing to compreise. Special interests are nice but beening a little "open minded" in any context and idea does wonders for conservation. Anyway, I do really hope "nice" guys really start to take the bull by the horns and take control of their lives. Don't let fear stop you.

Magnus wrote:
I think anyone regardless of sex wants to be with someone who is interested in them. Nice guys are often shy and this appears as if he is aloof and not interested. The stereotypical cool guy knows how to fool a female into thinking he cares about her and this is the appeal.

If you think that women are shallow then you will be surrounded by shallow women. My suggestion to you is to love yourself first and don't expect a horde of women to pound on your door simply because you have such a great personality. All you need is one, right? Unless, you secretly hope to be some sort of Cassanova, and in that case you deserve to be disenchanted.


Exactly.

Cyberman wrote:
Anyway... The way I see it, shallow women are always going to be attracted to shallow men... and since we don't fit their shallow standards, they're not attracted to us. I guess the key for Aspie guys is to avoid shallow women and find the ones who have real personalities... the ones who don't have BS standards for what they want in a man. If she's too busy waiting for Prince Charming to come along, then you'll know she's too superficial for you anyway.

I know this has been talked about before, but I guess it needs to be emphasized again.


That because you present yourself as boring and well really just simply dull. As I have, said many times before to people. Build some confidence and stop obsessing over one thing. Be "open minded".

kerristeen wrote:
uhh...
i thought aspies definition of "normal" was NT and that normal NT male behaviour was being confident/charming/a jerk... this idea of being normal is just rubbish


women want nice men with a strong sense of integrity who treats them with respect, not a pushover

and as adorable as shy guys look from a distance, many of them are so withdrawn and caught up in their own fantasy world they don't even notice when nice girls are interested in them... then the only way to get their attention is to shove yourself in their face which only causes them to freak out and run away... the way i see it, shyness is just another form of narcissm.


I agree to some extent but I honestly can't say it's a form of "severe personality dysfunction". I think of it of just some barrier shy people make for themselves because there so afraid of the conseqencies of the worst case scenario. Just need to practice and to test themselves and be ready to either a clear rejection or happiness they just can honestly describe.

Anyway those are my thoughts, yeah they sound a little "extreme" but this simply comes from personal experience.



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01 Sep 2008, 5:53 am

Quote:
True to some extent but it has a lot to do with how you assert yourself just as much as the body type when it comes to women. Act in a carefree manner without the worries of rejection and wonders will never cease. If you look sort of "wimpy" or "fairy" (ie. gay) then you have a lot more work to do but you can still make. Sit around and not making a move isn't helping anyone and coming here to vent is just really annoying.


That's exactly the typical masculine behavior.



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01 Sep 2008, 6:15 am

Consider this. Some women like men who act like as*holes. Is that the type of woman you want to be with, one whose tastes run that way, one who demonstrates such poor judgement?


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01 Sep 2008, 6:26 am

Betterclassed wrote:
Cyberman wrote:
Anyway... The way I see it, shallow women are always going to be attracted to shallow men... and since we don't fit their shallow standards, they're not attracted to us. I guess the key for Aspie guys is to avoid shallow women and find the ones who have real personalities... the ones who don't have BS standards for what they want in a man. If she's too busy waiting for Prince Charming to come along, then you'll know she's too superficial for you anyway.

I know this has been talked about before, but I guess it needs to be emphasized again.


That because you present yourself as boring and well really just simply dull. As I have, said many times before to people. Build some confidence and stop obsessing over one thing. Be "open minded".

What does that have to do with my post? You see, the problem with a lot of guys on WP is that we tend to put all women into one category... doesn't work that way. There is no single behavior that "ALL" women follow. Like us, they're individual people, and every individual has different tastes. Not all women want "bad boys," and not every guy has to be an "Alpha Male." You guys need to stop focusing on how to get the shallow women with the shallow standards and start focusing on how to find the women who can appreciate your qualities.



Last edited by Cyberman on 01 Sep 2008, 6:43 am, edited 1 time in total.