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NeantHumain
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13 Nov 2005, 2:08 pm

Have you ever been obsessed with someone, particularly a romantic interest? I do not fall in love very easily at all; lust is another matter, though. For whatever reason, most women, even if they are nice or pretty or whatever, just don't invoke those feelings in me. However, there has been an exception.

I slowly fell in love—madly in love—with a girl I met a couple of years ago in college. She was very nice and very hot too. Anyway, we used to hang out just about every day as friends. It never went anywhere, but I was in love with her by then anyway.

Although I didn't intend to do anything wrong, she was quite distraught by my attempts to take things back to the way they once were (maybe this was an aspie thing of liking the old routine of seeing her every day). If I hadn't apologized profusely, explained to her my situation, and told her how much she means to me, she would have probably taken much harsher action against me.

There was some off-and-on communication going on between us. However, things never did work out. I still love her a lot, and she knows that. However, I have made attempts to find new women, and that's ridiculously tough! The thing about women is it's hard to tell when they're interested in you or not and how to keep them interested in you once they display initial interest.

This may sound a bit sad; but this girl, even now, is probably the person I know best outside my family. Over time, especially with such emotional involvement, you get to know all the workings of a person's personality very well. She knows mine, likewise. I don't have anywhere near this deep an understanding of most other people. I guess you only get that sort of understanding when you've been through big things with people; it's not something you get from everyday, casual encounters with acquaintances.



Sarcastic_Name
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13 Nov 2005, 5:58 pm

jman
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13 Nov 2005, 6:22 pm

neantHumain I can totally relate to your post.....

My ex girlfriend was intitally best friends with my sister before we started going out. We broke up 2 years ago. Im still not over her. The reason being is, she still comes over all the time to see my sister. I've tried to remain friends but it hurts like hell.Also our friendship has been quite rocky to say the least. She's caused me so much in grielf that shes one of the main reasons I keep ending in psych hospitals. I love her so much in literally drives me crazy. I really wish she wouldn't come over anymore so I can forget about her and move on. I think about her all the time. She's constantly in my thoughts and I can't get her out of my head. I've tried dating other women but they have never worked out because all I want is her. I always end up subconciousily pushing them away.

Some sort of Good news, their is someone here at WP im interested in ( I won't say who), but I don't think it's gonna work out because:
A) Their is a hint that she might like me back, but I can't say for sure.

B) How long is this pariicular love interest gonna last before I go back to my self destructive ways?


Arrrg, love sucks :x



Mockingbird
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13 Nov 2005, 7:14 pm

Yes, I do tend to become obsessed with people, though not neccesarily romantically.



hale_bopp
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13 Nov 2005, 9:46 pm

I get obsessed with people (male and female), in real life and on the internet, in romantic and non romantic ways.

At the moment i'm juggluing about 3 major obsessions that usually end up breaking my heart in more ways than one. I probably break alot of hearts, too, and I don't feel good about it.

It feels like the sole purpose of my life is to get to know these certain people better and get them to like me. It's what keeps me going, tbh.



Thagomizer
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13 Nov 2005, 11:03 pm

I could impart my one pathetic internet story. I met this girl in a personal's site, talked with her a bit, and became infatuated. She seemed to be, well perfect in my naive mind's eye. She was smart, quirky, held similar interests, and understood most of what I was talking about. So we were planning to meet in person, but were both delayed due to finals and the usual business therein.

I guess something I said or did alienated me from her, because she eneded up deleting her own account without a word to me. I was crushed. That is, of course, a cowardly thing to do. You don't tell an inexperienced guy nothing and hope he'll figure it out, because he won't, and that is more confusing and painful than anything that could possibly be said. I just wanted to meet her once, regardless of what would become of it. But back then, I couldn't figure it out, so I spent months stewing about it, trying to get in touch with her, and contacting anyone and everyone who may possibly know of her wareabouts. I didn't realise, of course, that this behavior could be considered stalking, or inappropriate or whatever. Nor did I realize that if she had wanted to contact me she would have.

I wasted so much time and effort on her. I couldn't explain this very easily to many people, and of course, they would only give me the most sensible response, which is "forget about her, she's not worth the trouble". I was only satisfied when I *finally* recieved a reply to her after having stumbled across her email adress somewhere on the web. It read, "Your behavior is unwelcome and inappropriate. Kindly cease any further attempts to contact me, my family, my friends, or my workplace. Thank you."

So I replied what was probably the shortest reply I've ever written to her, "And my thanks for replying. I take my leave."

Though upon reflection I think I should have written, "Can delusional stalkers be reasoned with? I don't know. But I can. I take my leave."

Thinking back on it I just feel embarassed and find myself giving advice to my former self, in hopes that . . . well, not that I would meet her necessarily, but just so that I would have gained the perspective and maturity I have now. Sometimes, I still wonder what it would have been like if I had met her, or even what she's up to now, but I don't truly care. I just get angry thinking about it instead.

But I'm glad that now, at least, I haven't thought of her in a while. There was a point in time where I could think of no one and nothing else, and all my internal monologue was said to her. I ended up writing a story about it instead, entitled "From Without".

Well, I guess the moral is that if you ever find yourself obsessing over someone, step outside and get a breath of fresh air before you do something stupid.


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ghotistix
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14 Nov 2005, 3:03 am

As much as I try to avoid it, I occasionally come across some person that totally throws me for a loop. It's always been in a romantic context. I never outwardly obsess over them -- it might be easier to deal with if I did -- but I perseverate in my head for ages.



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14 Nov 2005, 10:23 am

i obsess over people, especially whoever is in the "love of my life" slot at the time (no-one, at the mo, sadly).

i try my best not to beome too intense, but it's sooooo difficult. i mean, what does one do to stop outwardly manifesting the head full of thoughts about them?



neongrl
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14 Nov 2005, 10:46 am

I've always had people as obsessions, right back to some of my earliest memories as a kid. I've read that it's common for female aspies to get this. It's always non-romantic and it's always someone I know IRL (or even online) who has AS or ADHD traits who I feel I connect well with. All day my thoughts are consumed with the person - just basically wanting to spend more time with them, get to know them more, basic friendship stuff, but the problem is that I'm so consumed with that person I can hardly think about anything else sometimes... I wish I could just have normal, non-human aspie obsessions. I find that spending time with the person or even talking to them (IRL or online) gives me a good reality check (puts my thoughts in the proper perspective) which lessens the intensity of the obsession for awhile.



NeantHumain
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14 Nov 2005, 2:10 pm

Thagomizer wrote:
I could impart my one pathetic internet story. I met this girl in a personal's site, talked with her a bit, and became infatuated. She seemed to be, well perfect in my naive mind's eye. She was smart, quirky, held similar interests, and understood most of what I was talking about. So we were planning to meet in person, but were both delayed due to finals and the usual business therein.

So did you ever even really get to know her at all? It would seem difficult to become so obsessed over someone who simply said they'd like to hang out with you sometime and nothing more.



NeantHumain
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14 Nov 2005, 2:26 pm

So how do you guys handle obsessions with people? My first strategy was to build a group of friends and possibly find new romantic interests; that way, I would be much less likely to think about her. Of course, I wasn't able to make these friends (no surprise, since I'd been trying to do this all my life) even though I stepped up the effort quite a bit.

The failure in love was just one of the many problems that led me to have to have an outlet that caused that ketchup incident to happen. I'm really lacking in outlets for frustration and a social support network.



SpaceCase
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14 Nov 2005, 4:05 pm

Yes,I get VERY obsessed with certain people that I get crushes on.I can't help it either...


-SpaceCase :)


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Thagomizer
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15 Nov 2005, 3:26 am

NeantHumain wrote:
So did you ever even really get to know her at all? It would seem difficult to become so obsessed over someone who simply said they'd like to hang out with you sometime and nothing more.
We didn't chat for one evening; It was for a couple of months. She was already well aware of how I felt and she said she dug me as well, because I was intelligent and deep and all that. I'd shared some of my fiction with her, and she gave me interesting feedback, as well as complementing my writing, so that's always a plus. I'm not really trying to justify my obsession or anything, but it wasn't just because she was the only chick that paid attention to me.

However, I think when I finally found some of her journals online etc. and I was already suspecting her intentional dishonesty, I just found her shallow and I shudder to think of her now.


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