Should aspies change their behaviors or accept them?

Page 2 of 2 [ 31 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

MJIthewriter
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 212

02 Sep 2008, 6:07 pm

It's a bit of both. There are some things that should be accepted, things that can't be controlled.
However that does not mean that one should just act as they please and blame it on autism. Now where to draw that line, would have to be for the person and what their skills and maturity level. One size does not fit all.

For instance if one person can't help their hand flapping, that should be accepted. Someone who doesn't normally flap their hands or can control it, then they don't need to start the habit and if they feel the urge, see if they can find another means of stemming that appears less obvious.

But for general society I think working on ways to see harmless autistic behaviors not as disgusting behaviors will go a long way for many autistic people. In general I don't know... society seems to be odd about their standards and what is considered acceptable and what isn't.... :roll:



02 Sep 2008, 6:35 pm

It depends. I don't like it when they use it as an excuse. It doesn't make sense to complain about how you are being treated by other people like lets say people don't want you around because you won't stop talking about your obsession or you want everything your way and you are inflexible, etc. So start working on those things, not complain and not do anything to change those things about you or you are just being a hypocrite.


I had an ex who liked to joke and tease, be sarcastic but he refused to respect me. He would not stop doing those things to me and he said it was who he is and everyone has to accept it. BS. Do it to his own friends but not to people who don't like it such as me. That's why I say he was an ass. Also he complained about how people viewed him because of his trench coat and I told him "So stop wearing it out in public." He said "That be retarded, it's who I am, I like wearing my coat and I am not going to change." I would tell him "So stop complaining then because you are choosing it to happen."



irikarah
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 206
Location: Portland, OR

02 Sep 2008, 6:36 pm

I think it's good to make an effort to explore outside your comfort zone. One thing I've had to really work at is to internalize certain difficulties rather than let them show, like making eye contact or small talk. I can't always pull it off, but it's helped me get through a number of tough situations, especially job interviews.

I'm still working on class presentations. My last two were pretty damn awful, and in one case, I couldn't figure out how to make natural eye contact and wound up staring so hard at one girl the whole time that I think she thought I was going to eat her brain or something.



MemberSix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 606

02 Sep 2008, 6:58 pm

ChristinaCSB wrote:
Do you think aspies should learn to control or change their autistic behaviors or should they just accept themselves as they are? I personally think that it's OK to be autistic and who cares if you rock, talk to yourself, or whatever, it's who you are and you should not have to change, who cares what others think!

The logical thing would be to strike a balance between enough self-modding to reduce the hard time you get and too much that the modding becomes unbearable.

You need some functionality in society and unfortunately, public stimming will make that a very steep uphill slope.



Rainstorm5
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 948

02 Sep 2008, 7:01 pm

It depends on what you want out of life. Like a lot of people have said already, one should learn to deal with the not-so-desireable aspects of being an Aspie (i.e., take more regular showers, try to keep things picked up in your room/house, be more organized, be more friendly [or at least try]). If you don't care what others think (and a lot of us don't care), then just be you.


_________________
Terminal Outsider, rogue graphic designer & lunatic fringe.


patternist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,606
Location: at my computer

02 Sep 2008, 8:28 pm

Life is about striking a balance. I say work on those things which are immediate problems, let the rest settle.



aspiartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 557

02 Sep 2008, 8:37 pm

ShawnWilliam wrote:
You can only change things once you've accepted how and who you are, and why you are.


I agree, and is probably the most difficult step of all. It's probably someplace in between where one can modify and also accept and be as one is.



ShawnWilliam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,462

02 Sep 2008, 8:46 pm

aspiartist wrote:
ShawnWilliam wrote:
You can only change things once you've accepted how and who you are, and why you are.


I agree, and is probably the biggest most difficult step of all. It's probably someplace in between where one can modify and also accept and be as one is.


Yes, and if you try to change before you've accepted who you are, then you will end up like this

http://www.halloweenexpress.com/images/mr178003.jpg


:D



demoluca
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 565

02 Sep 2008, 9:01 pm

A bit of both.


_________________
.?´¸.?*¨) ¸.?*¨)
(¸.?´ (¸.?´ .?´ ¸¸.?¨¯`?.


ASDMOM
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 21

03 Sep 2008, 8:35 am

I think you must ask yourself what would make you feel happier. Is modifying something about you going to cause you so much stress and discomfort that you will feel unhappy, then the answer is probably no. But if changing somethin will bring you more benefits than pain, then you should probably do it. (Balancing test)



Warsie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,542
Location: Chicago, IL, USA

03 Sep 2008, 11:11 am

Rainstorm5 wrote:
try to keep things picked up in your room/house, be more organized,


"That ain't gonna happen"...hehe.

EDIT: and nice Avatar and username...lol weather XD


OP, no do not surrender yourself. As long as you do not interfere or annoy people directly (not people bitching at your pose or handtwirling or grammar or the words you use due to their connotation, or what you wear (ahh...my mom bitching about me wearing a sweater/long sleeved shirt in summer because "it's too hot"....lol...) etc..)


_________________
I am a Star Wars Fan, Warsie here.
Masterdebating on chi-city's south side.......!


Ishmael
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 953
Location: Australia

03 Sep 2008, 11:59 am

Why change or accept? Change is usual; but in the context of "faking" nt-ness, fallacy.
You accept loss or damage, detrimental change. As in; oh, well - lost a finger, nothing I can do about it!
Being as should be a given; there shouldn't be an argument over whether or not to be.
Ye gods, vaguely Shakespearean there for a moment...


_________________
Oh, well, fancy that! Isn't that neat, eh?


ScottF
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 815

03 Sep 2008, 2:17 pm

My answer to this is another question. Why should I change just because society says I should???



CMaximus
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 387
Location: Calgary, AB, Canada, Earth

03 Sep 2008, 2:19 pm

I think you should honestly decide what you want and pursue it honestly for your own sake, in terms of balancing your goals of changing and being true to who you are. Inevitably, everyone makes accomodations to co-exist with others, but I feel like my zones of overlapping accomodation and a sincere self are much smaller than most.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

03 Sep 2008, 2:28 pm

It's just like anyone else -- we should change the parts that are problems and no need to change the parts that are not.

And by problems I mean actually get in the way, not just that it looks weird.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams