helping gay friend

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one of my friends is gay and his mother hates gay people he doesn't know what to do

Hi Dragonlady.

You didn't give us too much information to go by.

How old is your friend; does he live with his mother; does he rely financially on his parents; is he out; are there any supportive friends, siblings; is there a gay community center in your town or city?

I know that it's hard to accept, but eventually all gay people must be honest to themselves and those in their lives, if they want any degree of self respect and happiness. He will have to come out sooner or later.

Parents who really love their kids eventually come around to accept them gay or straight.

No matter what happens he needs to be strong in the knowledge that he's right. If he isn't, then he doesn't need to come out to someone who might be cruel to him about it. I came out to my parents during my depression because I thought my friend had told them, but she hadn't. It was definitley not the best way for things to go, and I've had a lot of issues with them over it.

It might help him to feel better to read the writings of other GLBT people and to chat with other GLBT people. Be there for him, because if he's out and his mom doesn't take it well then it'll be hard for him.

sometimes its not as bad you think it is, other times its worse.

I recommend telling her slowly bit by bit, rather than showing up one day and saying "Hey mom, you know Dave? he's not just my best friend, he's my fiancee"

I wouldn't worry about the mother, I haven't seen my mother since before Christmas 2003. And she doesn't know about me having Asperger's. Sounds like your gay friend is dependant on acceptance by their mother

he still lives at home and he lives in kansas

"What your momma don't know won't hurt you." -- Grampa Adams (1892-1993).