"Growing Up" On Your Terms Not Society's Terms

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Silver_Meteor
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12 Sep 2008, 9:02 am

After reading Age1600's post about life standing still. I realized something: We grow up on our own terms not on society's terms. Even though I am 48, I look considerably younger and don't have an issue interacting with the other college students in my computer class who are younger adults.

But I would feel way out of line being in a class for example with high school teenagers. But then again I would feel more "grown up" for example if I was in graduate school than taking undergraduate courses. My father likes having me home when I came back home in 2004. But next year I want to move out and get on with my life. Does anyone here gravitate towards friendships and associating with younger adults (in my case with people more around their 20s or 30s). Do you think there's anything wrong with this? Yes I know this is confusing wanting to "grow up" but gravitating towards activities that younger adults engage in.


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slowmutant
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12 Sep 2008, 9:21 am

IMO growing up on your own terms isn't really growing up at all because it could mean anything you decide to term "growing up." :idea:



RubieRoze
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12 Sep 2008, 9:31 am

I've always felt more comfortable with people much older than I am. My siblings range in age from eight to seventeen years older than I am. It's what I'm familiar with. :?

I also have an uneasy "failure to launch" feeling about my life, although there are other contributing factors to that other than my Aspieness.


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slowmutant
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12 Sep 2008, 9:35 am

RubieRoze wrote:
I've always felt more comfortable with people much older than I am. My siblings range in age from eight to seventeen years older than I am. It's what I'm familiar with. :?

I also have an uneasy "failure to launch" feeling about my life, although there are other contributing factors to that other than my Aspieness.


I can relate to your "Failure to Launch" feelings.



Danielismyname
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12 Sep 2008, 9:35 am

slowmutant wrote:
IMO growing up on your own terms isn't really growing up at all because it could mean anything you decide to term "growing up." :idea:


Yes, because as we all know, society's arbitrary and contradictory definition of "growing up" is the ultimate idea of.



slowmutant
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12 Sep 2008, 9:40 am

Danielismyname wrote:
slowmutant wrote:
IMO growing up on your own terms isn't really growing up at all because it could mean anything you decide to term "growing up." :idea:


Yes, because as we all know, society's arbitrary and contradictory definition of "growing up" is the ultimate idea of.


More arbitrary would be the individual's hermetically sealed notion of "growing up."



t0
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12 Sep 2008, 12:42 pm

I don't think "growing up" is what you're talking about. I think it has more to do with "self identity." Who do you see yourself as and at what age? Who would that person hang out with? Probably the people you feel most comfortable hanging out with.

I see "growing up" as being more about level of responsibility that you take.



IdahoRose
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12 Sep 2008, 12:43 pm

Well, my mom always says that I grow up on my terms. She says that I seem to be functioning the way a 15 year old would, even though I'm soon to be 18. That would explain why I get along so well with my 14 year old brother and his best friend.

Personally, I like taking my time developing socially and emotionally. I've come a long way, and there's still so many more ways I can mature. It really helps that I've been out of the public school system; that way there's no pressure to act like my peers.



SteelMaiden
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12 Sep 2008, 1:08 pm

I am quite the opposite. I've always like spending time with adults and I am 18. Ever since I was a kid I always went with the parents rather than my schoolfriends.
I am 19 this October and my boyfriend was 25 last August.


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makuranososhi
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12 Sep 2008, 2:03 pm

slowmutant wrote:
IMO growing up on your own terms isn't really growing up at all because it could mean anything you decide to term "growing up." :idea:


Not sure how you make such a distinction between the arbitrary definitions placed on growing up, whether placed there by society or by ourselves... what was said came across to me as dismissive. It is our opinions of who we ourselves are, our self-definitions, that most greatly impact how we are perceived and interact.


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BokeKaeru
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12 Sep 2008, 2:04 pm

I think so long as you're doing your best at making the world that much better with your existence given your abilities, being decent to others as you would expect them to be to you, and taking as much responsibility and independence on as you can what with your individual circumstances, you can call yourself mature.

Who cares if you still watch cartoons, don't drink, haven't married or had kids, don't drive, read comics, enjoy sophomoric toilet humor or otherwise don't interest yourself in the sorts of things that are associated by most with "adulthood?" These are all superficial indicators of being grown up, which don't really say much about one's ability to be a decent, contributing member of society.



anbuend
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12 Sep 2008, 2:26 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
It is our opinions of who we ourselves are, our self-definitions, that most greatly impact how we are perceived and interact.


It would really save me a lot of trouble if that were true. I know certain things about myself (from what things I find easy, to what things I find difficult, to what my motivations are) that are seemingly always misperceived and questioned by other people even if I make it as plainly obvious as I can what I am doing and why. Seems like most people expect overly complicated reasons for my actions when the reasons are simpler, or expect overly simple reasons when the reasons are more complex.


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makuranososhi
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12 Sep 2008, 2:43 pm

anbuend wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
It is our opinions of who we ourselves are, our self-definitions, that most greatly impact how we are perceived and interact.


It would really save me a lot of trouble if that were true. I know certain things about myself (from what things I find easy, to what things I find difficult, to what my motivations are) that are seemingly always misperceived and questioned by other people even if I make it as plainly obvious as I can what I am doing and why. Seems like most people expect overly complicated reasons for my actions when the reasons are simpler, or expect overly simple reasons when the reasons are more complex.


I can't argue with what you say, only that such changes start with ourselves... there seems to be, in me, an innate threshold that once I am able to meet that, then new things are possible. It's an odd comfort/confidence element that comes with a lot of failures.


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Eggman
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12 Sep 2008, 2:45 pm

slowmutant wrote:
IMO growing up on your own terms isn't really growing up at all because it could mean anything you decide to term "growing up." :idea:

Yes it would be. Who says their terms are better then yours?



anna-banana
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12 Sep 2008, 3:13 pm

I used to get along much better with adults as a child. in my teenage years I didn't really get along with *anyone*, I always rebelled and alienated a lot of people. now I make best friends with people who are around 18-21 but some of my friends are in their thirties and still act very young.

btw, I was trying to explain emotional immaturity to my friend today and I had a hard time finding the right words... she didn't seem to believe me that I got stuck in my teens and I couldn't really explain it better. it's something that you either feel or not, I guess.


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