Do Autism Couples look different then Normal Couples?

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ProtossX
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13 Sep 2008, 6:00 am

Like you know when you see a guy and girl connected laughing frollicking and being together out in public and it looks so perfect and understanding each other?

Do autistic people have that same connection with there partners as NT's? cuz im thinking NO

everytime Ialways look at NT couples I wish I had that level of connection with another person and no I will never have it and that I have to settle for much less cuz it just doesn't happen.

I wonder what NT's think about when there with someone thats not like them cuz ive heard a lot of autistic ppl dating NT's don't those NT's want a connection with someone equal to them or do they just not have high standards?



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13 Sep 2008, 6:18 am

There was a song lyric here a couple of years ago: "You lovers look ugly when you're alone, but together you're very good looking". I think the same principle applies whether NT or AS.

I've only been a couple briefly, I find it a strange thing. It's in the eye of the beholder anyway.



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13 Sep 2008, 8:54 am

I often wonder about other people. I went to the state fair last night and had a look around, lots of people there. Your post reminded me of this couple I saw, wearing the same kind of Polo shirts in the same shade of green. I looked at them and thought about the woman. What if there's something about her I don't know? Like, what if she has a disorder I am not even aware of? Lots and lots of people do.



ProtossX
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13 Sep 2008, 9:22 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I often wonder about other people. I went to the state fair last night and had a look around, lots of people there. Your post reminded me of this couple I saw, wearing the same kind of Polo shirts in the same shade of green. I looked at them and thought about the woman. What if there's something about her I don't know? Like, what if she has a disorder I am not even aware of? Lots and lots of people do.


nono I'm talkin about people that look like perfect NT couples there smiling an chatting and pointing an doing things normal ppl do and i dont think anything wrong with them i think somethings wrong with me is what im trying to say cuz i dont have that even when im in a relationship

nothings wrong with them its wrongw ith me and etc is what im gettin at



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13 Sep 2008, 9:38 am

The woman was eating this giant roasted turkey leg thing and the man was chawing on an indian taco. I guess my point is, yeah, one of them could have been somewhat autistic but since no one was making a big deal about it, doing anything unusual or drawing it to my attention, I didn't notice.



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13 Sep 2008, 9:44 am

I've seen a bunch of autistic couples, and in that respect they don't look too different than usual. I think the whole pair-bonding drive overrides a lot of things that are normally problems. (Not entirely, but to a degree. Such as, I've known a number of autistic people who can make eye contact when in love but not any other time.)

(In other respects, yes they often can look different.)


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ProtossX
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13 Sep 2008, 10:08 am

have you seen severe LFA people?

Im talkin about the ones who cannot even talk an can maybe repeat one or two words

your telling me they have normal relationiships? like I don't think u understand what im sayin here ASPIES aint normal i aint normal and i never will have the relationship im talkin about

I dunno who ur talkin about sayin they have normal relationships being aspie because my aspieness keeps that from happening ever



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13 Sep 2008, 10:27 am

Protoss X I am sorry you are stressed out over this. I am writing this because I hope it helps you out. All I can say is, I don't really think there is such a thing as "normal". It's "grass is always greener" thinking. Even NTs think this way. Seriously, you might think one group has it worse than every other group, or one individual has it worse than every other individual, that's part of what stresses you out.

People, I have noticed, in general, tend to depress themselves when they make comparisons, this goes for everyone, autistic, NT, mentally ill, physically ill, whatever...everyone gets stressed out when they start comparing themselves to others. It's really a bad idea to make comparisons:(



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13 Sep 2008, 11:42 am

I'm part of an autistic couple and can say that we definitely connect to each other very, very well. We laugh over things together in public and in private. It's not a "perfect" relationship, but no relationship is, NT or autistic. In some respects I think our connection is all the more powerful because we've gone through similar life experiences both independently and as a couple. I don't know if it's a "normal" relationship or not, and don't really care. Contrary to Tolstoy's famous line, there is more than one way to be a happy family. I can't speak to the NT/aspie relationship, but there are people who enjoy wonderful relationships with that, too. Aspies are not by any means incapable of forming a close connection with someone.



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13 Sep 2008, 11:59 am

srriv345 wrote:
I'm part of an autistic couple and can say that we definitely connect to each other very, very well. We laugh over things together in public and in private. It's not a "perfect" relationship, but no relationship is, NT or autistic. In some respects I think our connection is all the more powerful because we've gone through similar life experiences both independently and as a couple. I don't know if it's a "normal" relationship or not, and don't really care. Contrary to Tolstoy's famous line, there is more than one way to be a happy family. I can't speak to the NT/aspie relationship, but there are people who enjoy wonderful relationships with that, too. Aspies are not by any means incapable of forming a close connection with someone.


I think i would have to see it to clarify

if you look normal

to you it might look normal but to mean u might look odd

when i say i see a normal couple i mean just completely out of touch for me to able to do so I seriously have doubts that u have an aserpger couple like the one im talkin about that i saw an see

so i dunno but i would prorbably need to see it to believe is what im saying not to doubt u or neone but one person normal could be a completely different thing to someone else so i cant say with certainity that u guys are on my NT scale



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13 Sep 2008, 12:09 pm

Why in the world is it so important for a couple to look normal? You seem to idolize "normal" as though it's some wonderful goal, when really it's just defined by the majority. Stop worshiping the center of the bell curve. It makes absolutely no sense.

NT/autistic relationships are a lot like relationships where the two people are from different cultures. They don't have as much in common, and that means they have to spend more time setting up communication lines and finding common ground. But if that kind of work is put into the relationship, it can and often does work out. It's more likely to work out if both know going into it that they are different, rather than the autism being kept secret (or just not known about) until the miscommunication starts to cause problems.

Autistic/autistic relationships tend to have the same benefit from having similar neurology that NT/NT relationships do. But there's no guarantee they will work out just because of that, any more than NT/NT relationships are always successful.

BTW. Loving an autistic person is not "having low standards". If anything can be considered "low standards", it's loving somebody just because of how normal they look.


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13 Sep 2008, 12:10 pm

I don't think it matters how a couple looks. If two people like each other, do they have to be out in public frollicking and happy-looking? In my experience, the couples who appear to be the happiest in public are the ones with the biggest problems at home.



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13 Sep 2008, 2:55 pm

ProtossX wrote:
have you seen severe LFA people?

Im talkin about the ones who cannot even talk an can maybe repeat one or two words

your telling me they have normal relationiships? like I don't think u understand what im sayin here ASPIES aint normal i aint normal and i never will have the relationship im talkin about

I dunno who ur talkin about sayin they have normal relationships being aspie because my aspieness keeps that from happening ever


Perhaps you should find out firsthand from LFA people on this message board. I am sure they feel the same way about each other. I have been in relationships with NT girlfriends before and I am not sure why it is so out of the ordinary.


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13 Sep 2008, 3:08 pm

Nah. My parents are both AS (my mom's diagnosed, but my dad is too definitely) and they've got this wonderfully deep connection.

I'm getting married to an NT guy and we've been together since I was thirteen. I've been told we're adorable. We have a very good relationship, an unusually good one, but I doubt it has to do with my neurochemistry. All I know is that NT/Aspie can totally work. And Aspie/Aspie can too.


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13 Sep 2008, 4:24 pm

ProtossX wrote:
Like you know when you see a guy and girl connected laughing frollicking and being together out in public and it looks so perfect and understanding each other?

Do autistic people have that same connection with there partners as NT's? cuz im thinking NO

everytime Ialways look at NT couples I wish I had that level of connection with another person and no I will never have it and that I have to settle for much less cuz it just doesn't happen.

I wonder what NT's think about when there with someone thats not like them cuz ive heard a lot of autistic ppl dating NT's don't those NT's want a connection with someone equal to them or do they just not have high standards?


Looks are deceptive; you are making a massive assumption based on largely unrelated data. What drives your adoration of the perception of normalcy? Is it that you feel so detached that any manner of forming a connection is a suitable method? When my partner and I are around each other, she and I are thoroughly engrossed in each other. We talk, we laugh. We live. She's NT, albeit with a degree of understanding from her own life experience that is extraordinary... and personally, I take great offense at your implication of being less than equal - if that is how you view yourself, that it up to you and you are welcome to it... but I do not share your worldview. There is no settling; I refuse to settle, and would not want to be with someone who felt that they had to 'settle' for me. While it might not be what is in every other package, there is still much to offer. In my view, you have a lot of growing to do and much experience to gain before you really understand the subjects you continue to bring up. You are fully entitled to your doubts, PX - but trying to say that because you have doubts that it is impossible for anyone else is just rather short-sighted. Relationships can exist for people anywhere on the spectrum, albeit in varying frequency. Love is not the domain of those you deign normal, ProtossX - it is something much more pervasive.


M.


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