Don't worry some NT's have "dating issues" too

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jkm2
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19 Sep 2008, 10:43 pm

Take me. Never had a relationship. Its not that I don't know how to flirt its just that in my current state of mind (my mental health is here and there) its not good for me to open up or become vulnerable. So I've been single all my life.



WurdBendur
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20 Sep 2008, 12:13 am

Sharing doesn't have to mean becoming vulnerable.

Besides, it's been my experience that most people (unless they're really infatuated out of their mind, as some of us tend to get) don't really like to hear people talk about themselves a lot. A little sharing goes a long way, especially if you can make it go in both directions.


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JohnHopkins
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20 Sep 2008, 7:21 am

ALL NTs have dating issues. It's not like it's ONLY people with Asperger's that struggle or die alone or take forever to get their first girlfriend or whatever. I've never met a single person who's had one totally flawless relationship that lasted their entire lives.



ToadOfSteel
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20 Sep 2008, 8:08 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
ALL NTs have dating issues. It's not like it's ONLY people with Asperger's that struggle or die alone or take forever to get their first girlfriend or whatever. I've never met a single person who's had one totally flawless relationship that lasted their entire lives.


Depends on what you mean by "totally flawless"... if by that, you mean that the relationship is still alive, then almost all of the married couples in my family are that way. If you mean that they never argue with each other, well, then, yeah, I've never seen that either, and don't expect to...



JohnHopkins
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20 Sep 2008, 1:41 pm

I meant as in no major arguments or fall-outs or risks to the relationship. And I also meant as in the first person they met and had a relationship with, that was their lifelong partner.

And no, I wouldn't expect that either, which was more or less my point.



Enigmatic_Oddity
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20 Sep 2008, 3:58 pm

jkm2 wrote:
Take me. Never had a relationship. Its not that I don't know how to flirt its just that in my current state of mind (my mental health is here and there) its not good for me to open up or become vulnerable. So I've been single all my life.


With all due respect, you saying that you've been single all your life isn't very significant, given you're only 20. Tons of people get to your age without having had a romantic or sexual partner.



WintersTale
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20 Sep 2008, 6:04 pm

I've looked at the forums on Plenty Of Fish, and some of the issues that NT's deal with (and write about) on there are really scary. I'd rather be alone than have to deal with any of those issues.



jkm2
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20 Sep 2008, 11:49 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
ALL NTs have dating issues. It's not like it's ONLY people with Asperger's that struggle or die alone or take forever to get their first girlfriend or whatever. I've never met a single person who's had one totally flawless relationship that lasted their entire lives.


Exactly!

That's why I made this thread. Let others know that autistic or not we've all got dating problems.

Have heart, because it comes easily to very few of us.



jkm2
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20 Sep 2008, 11:52 pm

WurdBendur wrote:
Sharing doesn't have to mean becoming vulnerable.

Besides, it's been my experience that most people (unless they're really infatuated out of their mind, as some of us tend to get) don't really like to hear people talk about themselves a lot. A little sharing goes a long way, especially if you can make it go in both directions.


I know this. NT here. Proven NT here.

Vulnerable as in opening yourself to rejection. Its hard.

And nothing in life is all or nothing. But at a certain point everything is this or that. Trying to move something from this into that and failing f*****g sucks. I know.



jkm2
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20 Sep 2008, 11:53 pm

Enigmatic_Oddity wrote:
jkm2 wrote:
Take me. Never had a relationship. Its not that I don't know how to flirt its just that in my current state of mind (my mental health is here and there) its not good for me to open up or become vulnerable. So I've been single all my life.


With all due respect, you saying that you've been single all your life isn't very significant, given you're only 20. Tons of people get to your age without having had a romantic or sexual partner.


I know but the intellectual knowledge of that fact does nothing to comfort me. Or anyone for that matter.

No offense taken btw.



dalekaspie
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25 Sep 2008, 12:38 pm

dude your guaranteed a future we have to work for ours!



MostlyHarmless
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27 Sep 2008, 1:02 am

I have a dating question....I'm been dating an NT man for 3 wks. He definitely likes me but now wants to now see me everyday. Is this the way things should be? I'm getting uncomfortable even though I like him.



lightening020
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27 Sep 2008, 4:40 am

yea I agree really this not make anyone feel any better.

And so what ?? most people already know this. I know tons of NT's that have trouble yet STILL eventually manage some success. Nobody can tell me that its not a big deal .

One of my closest friends right now is a f***** idiot. Really he is a moron, he is not bright, and yet he knows how to talk/interact with girls that I have absolutly no idea about. He just has something plain and simple.....I dont. He still has trouble but he is still going to be getting a girl once in a while, even if it never lasts. As opposed to me with zero experience. and im trying to change my life around change my situation but, I feel like time is running out.

Im 6 " been told by a good number of people that Im cute or handsome whatever. When I look in the mirror I can see why people think this. Doesnt mean anything though when Im there and there are girls present and I feel awkward and still have no clue what to say and they are looking at me with those eyes.



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27 Sep 2008, 9:58 am

It depends on what you call "dating problems". I have an NT friend who has dating problems. During our 17-21 age period, he only had 2 girlfriends out of the 100s of girls he asked out. OMG poor him!! ! And everyone was soooo happy for him when he was with the girls, and soooo sad when he was alone. And during all that time nobody noticed that i managed to ask as much girls out as him, but it did not work a single time.

4 years alone, looking around and seeing all those poeples having so much problems dating cause they only manage to get someone every other month or so... and that soooooo poor guy i talked about :roll:

What nobody seems to see, is that while everyone around struggles to find a partner and only find one in months, and only last a short period, and complain about dating beeing hard....., for you, those months passes, and becomes years.

I'm sick of lucky poeples spitting on unlucky ones, telling them it's thier fault and that life is hard for every one so they shouldn't complain. I'm sorry, i'm not saying life is easy, but it is NOT as easy for every one.



lightening020
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27 Sep 2008, 6:29 pm

yea coyote thats my thoughts exactly........you said it in words.....

poor NTs with dating problems that only get 1-2 girls that dont last for every year........

Noone is saying thats great or even good.

BUT really compared to us its a whole different STORY.

HOW ABOUT ZERO F****** GIRLS FOR every single year of my life????????



Hector
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27 Sep 2008, 6:33 pm

Well the original poster has been single all his life as well, for one.