Never ask guys out - can't read signals

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Hello Alycat,

First of all, I must say, I do like the Rinoa Heartily icon you chose, very classy I think the best to understand guys is to be honest with them. The truth is that it really isn't your place to ask them out, in truth it is the guy's job to ask the girl out. Unfortunately this world is not a sadie hawkins dance. If I were you, and I liked a guy, I'd merely ask him if you'd like to hang out. If he accepts than hang out with him, and get to know him. If you feel like you're connecting, than just be honest with him and ask him "Do you like". If he says yes, then say "I really like you a lot too" and tell him about how you feel about him and if he feels the same way. If he does, wonderful, if he doesn't, hey you guys can still be friends, right?

No! I absolutely hate it! When I have to reject a guy who is asking me out, I try to do it in as kind a way as possible, and emphasize that it is nothing personal. That is if he asks nicely.

Some guys ask girls out in a really aggressive, creepy manner. In those cases, I don't try to be so polite, and I try to make it obvious that they are frightening me.

"It isn't you; it's me ... really ..."

I don't consider it an advantage. Actually, it can be a disadvantage because
...you don't want to hurt feelings
...some people don't accept 'no' for an answer
...sometimes you never get asked

You seem to think that girls enjoy 'crushing the hopes' of guys. That suggests a cruel and vindictive nature. I can't speak for others, but I don't think like that.

Try just asking some guy you like out. Remember the worst thing that can happen is a no.
But you can suvirve that. And try again.

Guy's job? I disagree; it may be socially acceptable, but it isn't an exclusive role. I'm a man who prefers to be pursued instead of pursuing, though it has varied from person to person. If you like a guy, ask him to do something... don't press an emotional attachment, but get to know them. I like the latter part of AM's suggestion - it leaves open opportunities.


M.

Actually, I was just being a little sarcastic... But I have heard it described as an "advantage" that women don't have to ask guys out, just reject or accept them. I was wondering what you all thought about that.

Hi,

I'm new here, so excuse me if what I'm saying has already being said.

Oh, and my English isn't very good, so if I'm making any mistakes, its' because of that.

Anyway, in this "game of love", nobody has the advantage: Girls have the power to say "No", but guys have the power to ignore a girl completly.

And on a second note:

@Girls: If you don't wanna date a guy say NO. If he's half the guy dat he acts like he will accept it and move on! It is actually worse to let a guy think he has a chance by not giving him a staight answer.

@Guys: If a girl says NO, she means it. Don't act like a whiney little b***h and move on!
The world is not comming down on you, she just doesn't want to date you. Nothing more, nothing less!

*hides under desk*

Makuranososhi,

I'm sorry man, but I have to disagree with you on this one. Like I have said before and which you have acknowledged, it is socially acceptable for guys to go after girls, not vice versa. I mean, girls can drop hints that they like a guy without indirectly asking him out, but that's the best she can. The exception are girls that are bold and assertive in what they want romantically, they might be more direct, not asking a guy out, but making clear their intentions.

Yes, lol, it would be nice for a guy to be pursued by a girl for a change. However, how often is it the case that the kinds of girls that pursue us are always the ones we have no romantic interest in? I can speak from experience there, the girls I liked expected the guys to go after them, and the girls whom I considered friends and not romantically attractive came after me. Ironic, to go for physical beauty when personality and kindness are around you. However there always has to be some level of physical attraction for you to be attracted to a girl.

We'll agree to disagree... I've been fortunate to have been pursued - by both those I was also attracted to, and by some who there was a platonic interest at best. I can agree that the ideal might be more in the middle; direct without being aggressive. However, social acceptability and role are two different things. If you are interested, male or female, in another person... speak up. End the silence, or enjoy the silence - it's ultimately up to you.


M.

Actually, this is all theoretical anyway at the moment. The only guy I like has a girlfriend (and I know that you don't ask people out who are 'taken'). It would be good to know in future.
I think I like the idea of asking them out as a friend first. That way even if it fails I can practice my social skills with the use of a new friend.

If you're interested in a girl, an important way to convey that is by creating eye contact. Aspies obviously have trouble with that act that NT's find very simplistic... but hey, we can learn it, and learn to at least grow some amount of comfort with it.

|-o-| V4der |-o-|

dude...

I seriously don't understand how the girl has that power over a guy. If you ask a girl out and she says no, its no big deal. If you have that reaction, it's your issue; not hers.

That's not to say there aren't sadistic women out there that love to see men suffer. There are. Most women aren't like that though, Cyberman. Remember that they have a nurturing instinct in their brains.

|-o-| V4der |-o-|

Reading many of your posts gives me the impression that you're a bit jaded with the opposite gender, correct?

|-o-| V4der |-o-|