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Magique
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25 Sep 2008, 10:22 am

Tomorrow is Kayli's IEP. Today her teacher mentioned homework. I may have a battle on my hands because of homework. Kayli is in first grade. I refuse to make her do homework.

Research shows that homework has little value in helping kids learn, and may actually be counterproductive. Kids need time to dream, play, pursue and interest, or do nothing. This is for all kids, NT or not.

If the idea behind homework is to encourage parental involvement in education, I'd rather read to her, or research stuff she's actually interested in. She's struggling to learn to read, so I'd rather spend the time showing her why she might want to spend the effort.

I resent the intrusion into my home life. I am Kayli's mother, not the school's enforcer. It is my duty to give her a haven and protect her health. Kayli is under a lot of stress just being at school. I'm not going to add to it by forcing her to do homework. It is a very bad idea to wreck my relationship with her for no good reason. Too much stress is not good for her mental or physical health. Downtime is critical for her. I will protect her downtime.

So...that's one of my battle lines. No homework. I think even if she were completely NT this would be a battle line.



Last edited by Magique on 25 Sep 2008, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

PrisonerSix
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25 Sep 2008, 10:42 am

Magique wrote:
Tomorrow is Kayli's IEP. Today her teacher mentioned homework. I may have a battle on my hands because of homework. Kayli is in first grade. I refuse to make her do homework.

Research shows that homework has little value in helping kids learn, and may actually be counterproductive. Kids need time to dream, play, pursue and interest, or do nothing. This is for all kids, NT or not.

If the idea behind homework is to encourage parental involvement in education, I'd rather read to her, or research stuff she's actually interested in. She's struggling to learn to read, so I'd rather spend the time showing her why she might want to spend the effort.

I resent the intrusion into my home life. I am Kayli's mother, not the school's enforcer. It is my duty to give her a haven and protect her health. Kayli is under a lot of stress just being at school. I'm not going to add to it by forcing her to do homework. It is a very bad idea to wreck my relationship with her for no good reason. Too much stress is not good for her mental or physical health. Downtime is critical for her. I will protect her downtime.

So...that's one of my battle lines. No homework. I think even if she were completely NT this would be a battle line.


I agree with you about kids needing to learn to be kids. There's less and less of that today, and it isn't helping. Play and down time help are important for a child's development, seems like the so called experts want to take that away from them. I'm not sure if we're creating the next corporate clones or serial killers. Some homework can be good, but most of it I think is just busywork.

Here's a discussion on homework that you might want to read:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt75236.html

Good luck.


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25 Sep 2008, 10:46 am

at most, a first graders homework should take 15 minutes to complete - that leaves plenty of time to play. And the goal is just to help her remember what she was taught that day and to give the teacher knowledge as to whether or not she needs to re-explain the concept again, even if all the children appeared to get it the first time.

If play is that important to you, why not homeschool? Then rather than 7 hours, she'd have around 3 hours of school and learn the same amount as she wouldn't need to wait for other kids to ask questions she knows, take full class bathroom breaks, snack time, etc


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Magique
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25 Sep 2008, 11:20 am

For most kids maybe homework would take 15 minutes. In Kayli's case it would take far longer. There would be a great deal of coercion or down right force involved, with the accompanying meltdown. I'm not particularly afraid of meltdowns, but I'd rather save that for stuff at home that needs doing whether she wants to or not. For learning purposes, I'd rather spend time reading to her, or looking up something she's interested in. She will intently listen to me read an article written at college level and understand the gist of it.

Right now she's starting the process of diagnosis. She has trouble with reading, writing, and math. Her behavior is a huge issue. She will not join the group for instruction, and will not work for long without individual attention. This year is an improvement as she is not really disruptive most of the time. I think school is a sensory nightmare for this kid. She may have a learning disability. She may very well be on the spectrum. Or, she may be a 2e kid. I know that her anxiety level just being there is through the roof. This is all still to be determined. The kid the school has and the kid I have at home are two mostly different critters.

I do think homeschool would be her best option, but that may not be possible for a variety of reasons. The only thing I'm sure of is that we can't have another year like last year.



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25 Sep 2008, 12:29 pm

I drew it a bit down the middle for my son, during the elementary school years, and I think that was succesful in the long run.

One of the things going on with homework is simply to get used to the practice, to be able to do it, when the work actually becomes an important part of education in the later years.

What I've asked for and gotten is permission to:

a) Time out my children (my NT daughter as well) after a set period of time. Knowing there is a definite end to the work as long as they actually do sit down and work makes the whole thing less scary.

b) Reduce work assignments when they appear to be too long (just the visual can freak our kids out, so I would sometimes take a thick black marker and remove problems).

Generally, what I asked my son to do was show me that he understood the work (if he didn't, I could make note of it to the teacher) and also to begin to establish effective study habits. If those goals were met, I could sign off on the paper and he wouldn't have other consequences at school for not doing the work.

While we still had days there were fights over homework, having the freedom to use my judgement helped a lot. As a middle schooler my son is trained to sit down and do his homework, and there is now quite a lot of it, and being from different teachers timing it out really isn't effective. But the transition is a lot smoother because of the habits we were able to establish during the elementary school years.

If we could get rid of homework forever that, of course, would be the best. But it isn't how the world works, so a compromise seems to be in order.

And I should note that homework is NOT all a waste of time. It is supposed to be practice, not just a way to involve parents. Some kids need that practice, some don't. My son learned a very valuable lesson one year when he had a pass from his teacher to skip an assignment, any assignment, including a weekly packet. What he choose to skip was the dreaded language arts packet, where you do exercises invovling that week's spelling words. Something he had always considered a complete waste of time. Or was it? Well ... that week, despite our usual drill the night before the spelling test, he completely tanked the test. Totally, completely, as if he had never seen the words before. Funny, after that he never complained about those work packets again.

ANYWAY, Maquique, the standard for first grade homework is 10 minutes. Ask permission to allocate that as you wish, and sign off when you feel your daughter has had enough "practice." I have found teachers VERY receptive to this in elementary school.


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Magique
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25 Sep 2008, 2:51 pm

I'll try that, thanks.



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25 Sep 2008, 5:55 pm

OK. I tried to reply to this post many times. But I am FAR too appalled by this whole post (and I rarely get PO'd about many things.)

I hope you are at LEAST taking her to a psychologist, or a behavior therapist, or occupational therapy.

I wish you the best with your daughter. I hope she receives a diagnosis soon.


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Magique
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25 Sep 2008, 9:06 pm

I'm sorry if you're ticked, but yes, she is going through the whole diagnosis thing. Absolutely.



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25 Sep 2008, 9:50 pm

Magique wrote:
I'm sorry if you're ticked, but yes, she is going through the whole diagnosis thing. Absolutely.


I hope that YOU have a professional doing the diagnosis (if you think she's on the spectrum). The school cannot do this. They can only test for learning disabilities.


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Magique
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25 Sep 2008, 10:14 pm

She has an autism consultant looking into it, plus a whole slew of other professionals. As backwards as New Mexico can be in some areas it seems they do their darnedest for kids with special needs, including diagnosing autism spectrum disorders. At least that's state policy. So far I'm hopeful. I don't have the resources to get the diagnosis on my own.



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26 Sep 2008, 12:35 pm

picklejah wrote:
Magique wrote:
I'm sorry if you're ticked, but yes, she is going through the whole diagnosis thing. Absolutely.


I hope that YOU have a professional doing the diagnosis (if you think she's on the spectrum). The school cannot do this. They can only test for learning disabilities.


I'm curious why you feel so strongly about this. My son's diagnosis was through the school and, while I realize they don't have the experience to make a medical call, the only point to the diagnosis is to get him accomodations and services at school, and these have been very effective for him. The label fits perfectly, I've done my research, I know my instincts, and early on some teen AS I was posting with in other forum asked me NOT to take him for the whole medical run up because they had felt it was too invasive when they had done it. I weighed that against what I might get out of it, and decided we were just fine as we are. He takes no medications and thrived all through elementary school. Isn't schooling the number 1 issue with an AS child? Is there something I'm missing here, that you think I could and should be doing for my child that I can only access through the medical community? I should note that I will probably get a referral from the pediatrician to look more at what can be done about my son's problems with his hands (disgraphia/hypo-extension), but my instinct there is that they are what they are and no amount of additional OT is going to help (we've already done 3 years through the school, weekly, AND exercises through resource at school) and that we're at work-around (I've read from a lot of adults on this forum with similar problems).


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26 Sep 2008, 1:08 pm

As long as you know what it is, a professional diagnose is necessary only when you cannot get service without it. I had very bad experience with our local children's hospital. It was very stressful and offered zero help.



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26 Sep 2008, 1:18 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I'm curious why you feel so strongly about this. My son's diagnosis was through the school and, while I realize they don't have the experience to make a medical call, the only point to the diagnosis is to get him accomodations and services at school, and these have been very effective for him. The label fits perfectly, I've done my research, I know my instincts, and early on some teen AS I was posting with in other forum asked me NOT to take him for the whole medical run up because they had felt it was too invasive when they had done it. I weighed that against what I might get out of it, and decided we were just fine as we are. He takes no medications and thrived all through elementary school. Isn't schooling the number 1 issue with an AS child? Is there something I'm missing here, that you think I could and should be doing for my child that I can only access through the medical community? I should note that I will probably get a referral from the pediatrician to look more at what can be done about my son's problems with his hands (disgraphia/hypo-extension), but my instinct there is that they are what they are and no amount of additional OT is going to help (we've already done 3 years through the school, weekly, AND exercises through resource at school) and that we're at work-around (I've read from a lot of adults on this forum with similar problems).


I am PM'ing you.


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26 Sep 2008, 1:40 pm

picklejah wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I'm curious why you feel so strongly about this. My son's diagnosis was through the school and, while I realize they don't have the experience to make a medical call, the only point to the diagnosis is to get him accomodations and services at school, and these have been very effective for him. The label fits perfectly, I've done my research, I know my instincts, and early on some teen AS I was posting with in other forum asked me NOT to take him for the whole medical run up because they had felt it was too invasive when they had done it. I weighed that against what I might get out of it, and decided we were just fine as we are. He takes no medications and thrived all through elementary school. Isn't schooling the number 1 issue with an AS child? Is there something I'm missing here, that you think I could and should be doing for my child that I can only access through the medical community? I should note that I will probably get a referral from the pediatrician to look more at what can be done about my son's problems with his hands (disgraphia/hypo-extension), but my instinct there is that they are what they are and no amount of additional OT is going to help (we've already done 3 years through the school, weekly, AND exercises through resource at school) and that we're at work-around (I've read from a lot of adults on this forum with similar problems).


I am PM'ing you.


Thanks. I did read your pm and appreciate your taking the time, and doing it in private.

I guess I honestly believe this is case by case. My son's elementary school gave us everything we could have asked for and more, and he did very, very well. I have a confident child who is GATE qualified and happy. The only gap is with his hands, and I am going to ask for medical evaluation on that. The only thing we ever started out wanting was OT, and we got that, PLUS social skills training, accomodations, extra support, etc. We would never in a million years have considered that my son might have Aspergers if the school had not suggested it. So, in our case, I think the school has done right by us. I've read enough to know it isn't the norm, but it also isn't impossible.


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