Do you think this girl likes me?

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Sirunus
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26 Sep 2008, 1:17 pm

Hello all,

I'm at University right now and recently moved into the halls of residence. One of my flatmates moved in last Sunday, an attractive girl who is somewhat quiet (but still more outgoing than I am) and has a really nice personality. On the first night I met her, we went over to the Student Union and I got quite tipsy. But I noticed despite having only just met her, she was touching my hands, beckoning me to come out with her and even hugged me for no reason! She also kept on asking me whether I was comfortable/if I was alright ect ect whilst placing her hand on my shoulder... And she wasn't drunk or anything. And before I left I said to her "I'm glad I met you" to which she responded "I'm glad I met you too." The next morning she came into my room and I showed her my DVD collection.

Since then we've said hello to each other and had little conversations... But I'm frightened that she's lost interest in me. I'm too nervous to tell her that I like her. Do you think she still likes me, if she even did in the first place? Perhaps when she realised I was an introvert, she stopped liking me. Maybe she's become too nervous because she thinks I don't like her back? Should I make the next move or just let it go? Remember, she is my flatmate so she only lives just down the corridor. Please help, this girl maybe the best thing that's happened in my life so far. My lack of social skills are getting in the way.

Your help is greatly appreciated.

~Sirunus



shadowboxer
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26 Sep 2008, 1:40 pm

It could be that she is just experiencing the same situation that you are. Being away from home can be an overwhelming experience for some. Maybe she recognizes in you a kindred spirit.

My advice: go slow, tread lightly possibly suggest going to grab a cup of coffee at first. For your first few outings, you might want to meet in a public place & go "dutch" so she doesn't feel obligated. Keep conversation light & stay away from anything that might be considered sensitive i.e religion, politics, that sort of thing.

Bear in mind that some women flirt simply because they crave validation. it doesn't mean that they want to get with you. Others flirt because there is real interest. I do hope in your case she's for real and everything works out. :D


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26 Sep 2008, 4:32 pm

My impression:

She likes you...She might not have been drunk...but knowing you were "a little tipsy" made her comfortable enough to do those things. The reason being, that even a "little tipsy" for either party involved, provides an excuse.

Reasons she might not be responding as much:

- Has no "safe" opening. AKA, no escape route. The less excuses so to speak make them less comfortable.(Not true of all people, but many or perhaps even most feel safer knowing they have excuses).

- Your not the only guy she has her eye on. Don't get all worked up at me saying this, or you'll just end up screwing up. Generally people seem to have more than one "potentials" at any given time.

- Work or other form of stress.

- You are looking to much into the situation.(it is possible the insecurity is on your side, not hers, and your mind is running wild and fabricating things that aren't correct.)

Generally the type of flirting that is a "trick", is irrelated to what you are describing(In other words, it usually doesn't involve touching, but if it does, it is generally quick, and involves a very rigid type of laugh(might seem like a fake laugh)). The only type of person who could go the distance you speak of for fun, is someone who is absolutely malicious. Even though, depending on your perspective, one might think people in general are in part malicious...it is rare for someone to be completely malicious.



Sirunus
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27 Sep 2008, 10:57 am

Thanks guys. I think what I need to do is talk to her and look at her body language. I think the problem is, like I said before, I am an introvert and she is outgoing, so she has her own friends and she often goes to events or parties I don't attend, so I don't really know where to find her. However, when we do talk she is always bubbly and friendly. I just have to make note of things like eye contact ect... When we first met, she jokingly kept on asking if I remembered her name.



AutisticMalcontent
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27 Sep 2008, 3:02 pm

I think she likes you, which is excellant. The fact that she was all touchy-feely with you, even if you guys were a little tipsy. I also think she likes you because she said "It's nice to meet you too". So you're in luck, I think. However, I think she is wanting you to pursue her now, you had the nice little invitation, now it is time to make the move. I would simply ask her if she wants to hang out sometime, get some dinner or watch a movie. See how she reacts and if she says "Sure!", try and set a date (date as in time and day, not "date" date) with her. Good luck and congratulations :)



Praetorius
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27 Sep 2008, 7:42 pm

Her asking you if you were comfortable with her touching you makes me think that she thought you were kind of awkward and that she was perhaps trying to figure out what your deal was. But yeah, she can be really interested in you at first, but if she stops showing that interest, that's a bad thing; her initial reaction to you becomes moot.



Sirunus
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28 Sep 2008, 8:25 am

Praetorius wrote:
Her asking you if you were comfortable with her touching you makes me think that she thought you were kind of awkward and that she was perhaps trying to figure out what your deal was. But yeah, she can be really interested in you at first, but if she stops showing that interest, that's a bad thing; her initial reaction to you becomes moot.


When she asked if I was comfortable, she meant it literally as I was sat on the floor. I was also so drunk she kept asking me if I was okay, and I told her that I felt like I was about to throw-up and she said "that's okay, we'll help you out if you do throw up". She seemed particularly drawn to me and nobody else seemed to notice the things she did. Yeah, I think if she lost interest in me I better just let it go. I spoke to her this morning actually, I was too nervous to look her in the eye but the conversation was light and she asked me what I got up to last night. She seemed pretty comfortable with me around. Perhaps I should tell her about my anxiety problems, since she might be confusing that with not liking her? I think she's an empathetic girl.

EDIT: It's alright guys, it dosen't really matter anymore if she likes me or not. Thanks for your help.



ToughDiamond
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30 Sep 2008, 8:10 am

Quote:
EDIT: It's alright guys, it dosen't really matter anymore if she likes me or not. Thanks for your help.

That sounds ominous........if anything bad happened, don't hesitate to come back for a post-mortem on that. If you need to. And I apologise if I've read too much into a few words. Maybe you just won the lottery.



DustinWX
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30 Sep 2008, 11:02 am

She thought you were interesting, and was concerned for you. NT girls are nice when they first meet you but it tends to wane from there, unless they find something special about you. You don't have a chance.



Sirunus
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30 Sep 2008, 1:26 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Quote:
EDIT: It's alright guys, it dosen't really matter anymore if she likes me or not. Thanks for your help.

That sounds ominous........if anything bad happened, don't hesitate to come back for a post-mortem on that. If you need to. And I apologise if I've read too much into a few words. Maybe you just won the lottery.


What happened was that she already had a boyfriend all along. She didn't really try to hide it (in fact it was her who told me) I suppose it was my own fault for my own lack of vigilance; I should've asked her first. I don't get why NT girls flirt with other guys when they already have a boyfriend, it was either out of spite or she geniunely liked me. BTW, I found out why she had withdrawn; her boyfriend visited her on the weekend.



Xanderbeanz
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30 Sep 2008, 3:31 pm

there's a fine line between flirting and just being genuinely nice to someone...i'm pretty sure lot's of aspies fail at seeing the difference though, and end up a bit hurt.x



ToughDiamond
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30 Sep 2008, 6:05 pm

Bad luck man :(

It's best to give attached women a wide berth, but they don't wear rings for that.

At least it meant she did like you.

Sounds like you did all you could have been expected to do.

I've been there, only my first one just didn't fancy me full stop. I felt horribly embarrased and rejected, but you do bounce back in your own time.

Don't let it grind you down, it does happen again unless you become a hermit.



Sirunus
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01 Oct 2008, 7:16 am

Well, funnily enough, the other night we were talking about her and I said that I liked her and one of my other flatmates responded "Oh she likes you!" And not so long ago one of the flatmates of her friend asked me "Have you spoken to her recently?" All of those things kind've imply that she's been talking about me.



ToughDiamond
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01 Oct 2008, 9:08 am

Sirunus wrote:
Well, funnily enough, the other night we were talking about her and I said that I liked her and one of my other flatmates responded "Oh she likes you!" And not so long ago one of the flatmates of her friend asked me "Have you spoken to her recently?" All of those things kind've imply that she's been talking about me.


And she's not married......you might do well to find out how serious she is about this boyfriend. Maybe you could even get the chance to talk things over with him? It could be anything from neither of them really interested in each other, to a seriously steady couple.

It's awkward, but I know that not everthing people say can be taken at face value. she might even be trying to make him jealous through her attentions to you, but she might be straight. If you see them together, you might be able to judge something for yourself from their body language, how much they look at each other, tie signs, etc.

I think meanwhile I'd just continue being pretty much the same as you have been with her in terms of warmth & interest, but without increasing it. And I'd try very hard to keep her in perspective, keep other areas of your life running, almost as if she didn't exist. But the heart can have other ideas, and judging from my past, it's often won.



Sirunus
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01 Oct 2008, 11:30 am

Well, from what I've seen she is still pretty close to him from the way she speaks to him on facebook, not to mention she always speaks to him on the phone like everyday. I don't really want to interfere.