Being highly verbal, yet unable to articulate feelings

Post Reply New Topic

I have an interesting paradox and I was wondering if anyone else experienced this. I am very high functioning, I work in customer service and can interact with customers and people I work with pretty well, I'm currently dating someone, I can hold spirited discussions and even debates with people that I'm close with, and speak very well about things I'm knowledgable about.

But here's the paradox. Even though I'm high functioning in all these areas, oftentimes I have difficulty expressing the simplest of feelings. Sometimes I may have a bad day, or be scared, nervous, or worried about something, and I really feel I need to express it, but I don't have just the right words to convey what I'm feeling and why. Sometimes all I'm able to do is replay the video of what happened in my mind, trying to find something there that will help me articulate my feelings, yet this doesn't work very well for me as videos and other visual images can only do so much because they don't show the feelings that are in someone's gut. There's no image or object that you can correlate your feelings with, so the feelings often just sit and fester, and there have been times when I've reached a breaking point.

Has anyone else experienced a similar paradox, being high functioning with good verbal ability, yet have difficulty expressing simple feelings?

I'm very bad at touchy-feely crap. I can't tell people how I feel beyond "I'm pissed off" or "I'm frusterated" and usually those are simply the closest things to it and aren't very descriptive. My feelings toward a person are even worse off. I am very "high fuctioning" in the sence you are referring to, however when it comes to emotions, I'm brain dead.

Yeah, same here. Not just the touchy feely crap either tho... A girl I knew would constantly ask if I was having a good time. Well, the question just seemed hard to answer, lol. As dumb as that sounds. But, to me, things just don't need to be said, or expressed. I feel "fake" or "phony" when I try to "express" myself at the behest of concerned parties. I've learned to do this convincingly (to myself even) for the benefit of my mother and some others...

Christmas, as cool as it was for the gifts, would be a little difficult, as I knew I had to express "glee" like in the shows, and like my brother, but dang, it was FORCED glee. I kind of remember wondering why I was wondering about this, and why it bothered me (because apparently it didn't this wasn't a problem for anyone else...) It kind of reminds me of the problem of hunger, or lack thereof-people look at you funny if everyone's eating, and you opt out (which incidentally happens to me quite often as well!)

K, yeah, half of that's off topic-apologies.

That's also how it gets for me sometimes. Saying a common one-liner like "I'm pissed off" when I am, is easy enough for me since it's a very much used phrase and therefore comes to mind quickly. Trying to express more complex feelings that don't have an easy, rote way of articulating them:

Ya, I am the same, yet I feel all emotional as hell,
when I try and reflect this others seem to read it all wrong or take it as a sissy weakness or do not even seem to notice.
I just want to cry out at times that I am human too, but end up feeling not from this world because of the language barriers.

^^^Funny how deep anger isn't even noticed when it's going on, especially given how many times I've been asked what's wrong when nothing's wrong...

Yes, I have the same problem. When a friend or family member catches me in a bad or otherwise depressed mood, they ask me why I'm depressed. Inside, I know why I'm depressed (I'm over 40 and feel like I've accomplished nothing of any value in my life) but when I try to explain it, they take it personally as if I'm saying that they let me down. I'm not trying to say that at all, but it never comes out the way I envision it in my head. After a while. I stop explaining.

exactly. I get people asking me why I'm so angry a lot, when in fact I'm not (and have no idea why people perceive me like this). when I get really really angry nobody seems to notice.

I can totally relate to what OP is saying, I'm highly verbal and don't have much trouble communicating with some people (friends mostly). I cannot express my feelings well either, I've been through a lot of bad emotional s**t but if you'd ask my friends who see me almost on a daily basis they would probably tell you that I'm the least emotional person they know, all smiles and not caring about much.

I always thought that it's a common problem though, even among NTs.

I am like that too. I can tell that I am frustrated or stressed or excited but explaining does not go beyond that. People always tell me "you looked depressed" when really I am just pacing around or thinking about something, completely oblivious to the world around me.

I experience this frequently.

I book I read sometime ago talked about "report-talk" versus "rapport-talk." I can talk at length about facts and figures, history, etc., anything outside myself ("report-talk").

Feelings ("rapport-talk")? Not so much.

YES! When I must talk about feelings it comes out all awkward and strained. It sounds like I'm reading out loud from a book. The more emotional I feel, the weirder my voice sounds.

I am amazed at the many wolf avatars on WP

Welcome to my world. People comment on my writing ability all the time (fiction, funny stories about things that happen at work, and my report-writing). Written communication seems to be my strong point, and I can articulate a position very well in an intellectual discussion.

Ask me to talk about how I'm feeling and you'll get, "Oh ok." That's about it. I just don't understand how to convey anything else.

HOLY CRAP I HATE THAT!! ! It's a constant for me. I hear it at least 3 times a day.

funny, I ask this all the time of my friend, she always seems angry or disturbed or pensive and I cannot gather what is on. Sometimes I assume I have said, done something wrong and later she admits I said something that hurt her, but i was told 'nothing' when I asked her....

Yup, I have similar issues. I also work in customer service. I can deal with most people most of the time. For me, things start to go wrong when I don't know how or just can't make the correct response to someone. It doesn't matter if they are in my face, on the phone, etc...I just freeze up & at the same time my brain starts to race along...looking for a response (the right one only finding nothing!). It's especially bad with people who are angry or who can't accept whatever answer I give them. It's all I can do to keep losing it. Today has definitely been one of those really trying frustrating nothing going right days. I can't wait to go home!! !

If things are going fine, I can usually function ok. I can speak fairly well, though the written word is a world where I excell in communication. I have a lot of sensory issues which cause me problems & that along with not being able to either express or defend myself causes me tons of frustrations. It's not just feelings that I have trouble expressing though...it can be anything that feels unfamiliar. Not quite sure how to explain it, I am drawing a blank! Figures! I just can't always articulate what I am experiencing or feeling.

I think in some ways I am fairly high functioning, but in others I barely function at all. Sucks really, because I can't really fix my Aspergers issues & every new situation has a different learning curve & I always feel like I will never totally grasp certain aspects of humanity.