Holding Grudges
07 Oct 2008, 11:10 am
a grudge seems to be where they want to return to the situation they are perpetually annoyed about, and almost deliberately continue the animosity
I don't know if that's technically a grudge or not, but I've seen a lot of it. I think it's called "rehearsal" though it follows the actual event rather than preceding it as in rehearsing a performance. Often when I get treated to an earful of that stuff, it seems bound up with an implicit request for me to reinforce their prejudices or to feed their ego via the cheap trick of appearing to side with them. Best solution I've found is to challenge them, ("why don't you talk to them about it if you're so annoyed with them? What good can I do?" or more coldly, "what does this have to do with me please?") though I don't do it anything like enough. Friendships get more interesting when there's a bit of challenging going on.
I'm always sad to dump a friend, though I'm sure my independent nature has perplexed a number of people when the time comes for me to move on. My father used sometimes to speak of having the "power" to cut people dead if they annoyed him too much. Like father, like son, I guess, and I've enjoyed the upper hand it's sometimes given me when dealing with difficult people, but somehow when it happens I also feel there's got to be a better way, and these days I'm very loathe to cut anybody dead just like that.
