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autisticstar
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08 Oct 2008, 10:17 am

I think I made a big fool of myself the last time I talked to my boyfriend. He told me that this girl he knows e-mailed him about a group of people getting together for his birthday. I have met this girl before and it seems to me like she flirts with him and is interested in him as more than just a friend.

He told me about it and I got mad after he said "Does that sound like fun?" and I said "I guess so." I got upset and said "So what's the deal? Is she your ex-girlfriend?" He denied that she is his ex-girlfriend. He said that he knows her from a group that used to meet at a church. He said they get together maybe once or twice a year as they don't formally meet as a group anymore. I know this is true because I met these people at a party once.

I just don't like this girl at all. I don't want to be a jealous ##$$% but I just feel suspicious of this girl. I would rather that she wasn't around at all. I had a discussion with the guy I am currently dating and I point blank asked him is he was dating anyone else. I told him that I wasn't dating anyone else and didn't want to date anyone else. He said that he is not dating anyone else and doesn't want to. He said he doesn't think he would get along with anyone else. Am I wrong to be jealous of this girl? How do I know if she really is "just a friend.?"



MissConstrue
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08 Oct 2008, 11:02 am

If it's what it looks like then it's very likely it is. Even if it isn't, he doesn't sound very respectful to your feelings about this. It would be just the same if you were with a guy that was JUST a friend and you were around him a little too much.

I had a friend who made it game to flirt with guys who were married or in a relationship. She did a lot of that..."Oh he's just a friend." Then it went on from there. What was funny is the last guy I saw her with was already cheating on her and his wife. I'm glad to say, I'm no longer friends with her. I was afraid she'd do the same thing to me.

Anyway, I think what goes around sometimes comes around. If this girl is flirting with him, then it's very likely he might be doing the same or will in the future. That is if he's not taking your feelings about this into consideration or has done this in the past?

Then again who knows. You might want to get a second party and ask what their perception on it is.


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Miyah
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08 Oct 2008, 11:04 am

Yeah, I think you are a tad jealous and worried that she's going to steal him away. And I don't blame you.
However, my advice that if she flirts with him is to tell her that he's your boyfriend and that you do not appreciate her inconsideration to other people who have boyfriends. Now I know that may sound harsh but she needs to learn that Joseph is taken.



0_equals_true
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08 Oct 2008, 12:08 pm

I disagree with the above posters. If you can't trust him you can't trust him. If he wanted to cheat, why go to the trouble of telling you about some other girl?

Guys can have female friends. I do.



MissConstrue
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08 Oct 2008, 12:22 pm

That's not at all what I meant in my post. If his friend is flirting with him and we don't know since this is a post, then there very well could be something else going on other than friendship. I agree that guys and girls can have friends of the opposite sex.

Noticed I used the word if. I made a post not far back in here about a friend I had who did this a lot. So I'm only reflecting what I experienced into this post with what could be in consideration.

If the OP can't trust this guy, then it's probably time to move on. But if it's a case with some consideration, they including her boyfriend should act like adults and consider eachother's views. Just as a guy would uncomfortable with seeing his girlfriend with another guy she considered friends.


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Miyah
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08 Oct 2008, 1:32 pm

MissConstrue,
I agree with you when it comes to this other women's behavior. There are women who like to cause trouble because they don't have anythibng better to do. In this case, she has nothing better to do than to flirt with AS's boyfriend and that isn't right. AS, I would also tell your boyfriend how you feel that you don't feel comfortable being around her as all she does is flirt with you, and I feel like you're flirting with me.



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08 Oct 2008, 3:48 pm

A couple of points:

What is flirting to one person might not be flirting to another. Furthermore, if you have a nice, good-looking guy, you can't guard him 24-7 to keep every other person on the planet from flirting with him.

Men who can be friends with women make better partners, and if you've happened to snag one, you can't expect him to abandon half of his friends for you just because they happen to be female.

It's ok to be jealous; it's not ok to let jealousy poison your relationships. It's ok to tell your boyfriend that you're having a tough time with his relationship, but that you'll try to work on it and ask him to be patient.

This may not be the case with others here, but the vast majority of the times I have leapt to a conclusion and blamed another person for something awful, I have ended up making an ass of myself. If you like this guy, don't let the possibility of a problem ruin it for you. If you see him deep-throating her, that's one thing; if she's flirting with him, that's entirely another.



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13 Oct 2008, 11:06 pm

agreed here. He did happen to include you in the plans, and tell you about it. Dont act too jealous and please resist saying nasty things about her. you only end up making her look better. just be honest with him about the fact that you obviously feel a little threatened about her. If she flirts with him, call her out kindly, and let her know its not cool. They could merely have a good rapport with each other. Its possible that he wanted you to know who would be there because he was Also, if they have only seen each other once or twice a year, it doesnt sound like he's making that much of an effort to see her. Be wise, dont be accusative and be wary of her. Of course, if she is making the plans for his birthday party, she could be a very social type of person and very friendly. Be wise, but dont let any insecurities make you a wet blanket about it. Make sure you are extra affectionate with him that evening too. mark that territory, girl.



autisticstar
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14 Oct 2008, 10:27 am

Great advice, dandeleon. Luckily I have not said anything negative about this other woman. I did ask what the deal with her was but I did not insult the other girl in any way. I am sort of dreading going to a wedding with him in a few weeks because this other woman is going to be there. She is among the people he knows through the church group that met for a year on a formal basis. I asked him if the group of people would be getting together for his birthday. He replied that he hadn't heard anything and that he could take it or leave it. I told him that if that group of people did end up getting together I would be happy to go with him. I don't think it was an actual party that she was planning; I think it was more like a group of people meeting up at a restaurant or somethng like that. I kind of sense that she was hoping that he would suggest the two of them do somethng for his birthday together. It seems strange that she didn't simply say "A group of us are meeting at ___________ restaurant. Would you like to meet us there?"

He told me that he might be going out to dinner with his sister and her husband for dinner for his birthday and if so I could go with them. If not, then he said we would go out together just the two of us. After that blowup over the phone he is still asking me out places. He invited me to go to an outdoor work function this coming Saturday. So if anything is going on between him and this girl it will be obvious at the wedding. He asked me to go to the wedding with him six weeks in advance, that is, he asked me the day after he received the invitation. So I will do my best to keep my cool at the wedding. Hopefully she will take the opportunity to meet other single guys at the wedding reception.