Does anyone here actually not desire social contact?

Post Reply New Topic

I ask, for I'm constantly bombarded by professionals telling me that contrary to my own wishes (ha), I actually want to interact with people like everyone else, because people with this "Asperger's" thingy really do desire to be with others. Uh, no, I don't; I hate being around people, and I hate talking to them out there. No matter how many times I tell them this, they look at me like I'm somehow a disappointment to their "label" (not that I can tell if the look they give me means such, but whatever). They tell me I only want a cup compared to the "NTs" bucket, but a teaspoon of socializing equates to boring monotony that I draw nothing from (and I have no interest in it, of course).

Could this be some type of Schizoid overlap-comorbid thingy?

Same to me. I simply don't care about "social contacts". Best thing to me is coming home after work and do things I'm interested in, without having to think about somebody elses interest or time schedules. I just don't miss empty talks about the weather or whatever. True, there are times, when I enjoy to talk or do some other things together with a few friends, but that's a quite rare feeling. And I get social contacts more than enough during working hours anyway.
This idea, that you subconsciously wish for something you consciously don't want is some old idea of psychology, that those guys throw at you whenever you bring up opinions contrary to what they want you to do or what they expect. Nothing to worry about.

Just avoid total isolation. That's no good idea, and a good way to become a very weird personality. It helps sometimes to overcome your habits. After all, I had quite some funny times with people too, they're not all bad or boring and sometimes I even find some people interested in things I'm interested too.

Sometimes I don't (desire social contact).
I like my few friends and all... but sometimes I think I'd be better off if every last human being left me alone and/or went.... somewhere not on earth.

Tell the "professionals" to shut their pieholes.

I would if I could, I used to try, but with my limitations it always ends badly, a bit like Edward Scissorhands, so I've retreated to a semi-recluse thing. There's lots of advantages to being socially connected.

I'd rather spend time with people I find interesting than be by myself all the time, but honestly, most people bore me to tears. I've realized that it's not that I don't understand how they view the world; it's just that I don't understand why.

the only reason why i don't desire social contact is because i dont have the recomended (lol) skills to be at the same level as NT's, whereas if im alone i can work my own way out of the saddening isolation then i feel confident to interact, the problem is confidence isn't the problem, skill is, and isolation keeps my social skill below the majorities of others

i could easily cut myself off from the rest of the population and bring into practice "the only person you can trust is yourself"

I sometimes want to socialize, but often I'm too internally overwhelmed to socialize, or the social interaction turns out to be so unsatisfying (inane drivel) that I want to give up trying.

Asperger's isn't a perfect construct, and individuals will diverge from the official diagnostic criteria. I'd say, though, just because you diverge from the official criteria doesn't mean that you don't have Asperger's, or that you have a separate co-morbid condition.

None of us has identical manifestations of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. If taken to an extreme, we could each be our own named syndrome. You have Danielismyname Syndrome and I have Zonder Syndrome!

Z

yeah i stutter and repeat myself, im sure i have tourettes because every time i slip up my words i unconciously swear, people think im nuts

You know, I find it so useful when Professionals do that - because it is the most definitive "red flag" I know for someone who overidentifies with the client to the extent of literally being "blind" to the internal realities of AS and is thus, sadly (because overidentifiction often helps them to be far more empathetic, compassionate and effective with other clients), totally unsuited to my needs.

But let's examine that word "want" for a minute...what does it actually mean?

Do I "want" to stand on top of Everest?

OF COURSE I DO...I love standing on the soft gentle hills here, feeling the wind crash, unobstructed, around me, so high up, and yet, safe, with solid ground under my feet and no ledge near, the closest thing to flying I can imagine, but on EVEREST?

The top of the world?

I "want" that SO BAD I could burst.

But, do I "want" to join an expedition to climb Everest?

1. Bundled in restrictive clothing, unable to shower, wash, wee or even scratch myself properly.
2. Unable to sleep in small freezing cold tents along with others.
3. Fighting 50% lung function due to a pulmonary condition.
4. Fighting an acute fear of heights.
5. Dreading seeing even one of the 100+ corpses, in varying stages of frozen decomposition, that litter Everest because of a phobia of "dead stuff".
6. Far too old to be physically fit enough for the climb whatever I did.

Do I LOOK nuts?

Of course I don't "want" that...to put it mildly...

What we "want", like all of life, is a balance sheet.

When the gain, in our own terms, exceeds the cost, in our own terms, we "want"...

When it doesn't, we don't.

Everything else is a matter of degree.

I have the same emotions (as far as I can tell) as any NT, the same desires, the same lusts.

If I knew what it was like to be able to interact with people on the same terms as the NT I think there may be a good chance I WOULD "want" to do some of it...

But...

I cannot interact with people on the same terms as the NT, not even enough to make a properly informed decision about whether I would "want" to if I could.

...and what is more, if any NT had to interact on the same terms I do...I doubt if they would "want" to do it either.

That should shut 'em up...

M

yes because the "stranger than fiction" truth is that most Black and white thinking wannabees really are their own contradiction, i really do understand where your coming from but just carefully read my other comments in this thread

Don't you think posting in a forum implies some sort of desire fo social contact?

Thats akin to saying "you work in a very social job where you have to talk to people, ergo you cant be aspie." In fact, all it shows is that I have a job where people refuse to go the f**k away, that pays money which i need to survive. It has no bearing on my social skills or desires.

Asking a forum for information is not the same as seeking social contact. Its not like he asked us to dance.

I desire social contact but being asexual dont have a desire for a relationship or marriage. I live on my own and at the moment am happy with that I do like to mix with people too for that reason I find the weekends quite lonely and boring as there isnt much to do.

Yes, but it implies a desire for a form of social contact one can handle, not the myriad varieties one cannot...

The healthy way to deal with the limitations everyone has, is to keep one's aspirations, realistically, within them.

I find it cruel enough to have had a life full of amazing people I had to let slip through my fingers because I have no way to know how to do anything else...

...without some misguided professional nitwit rubbing my nose in it too...

M

Akin, but not the same. Shades of grey. And he answers posts more than he asks, it seems for the sake of being helpful, which I would consider a form of social behavior. IMO.