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CockneyRebel
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02 Dec 2005, 12:05 am

The Beatles Fan walks into the Kitchen on a warm Summer's Morning:

Father: How are you doing, today?

Beatles Fan: 'I Feel Fine'.

Mother: You're not doing fine, so don't say 'I Feel Fine'.

It's a brand new Morning and the Beatles Fan walks into the Kitchen.

Father: How are you doing, today?

Beatles Fan: 'I'm So Tired'



Bec
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02 Dec 2005, 3:02 am

This is the stupidest non-inappropriate joke I know:

Person 1: Knock knock?

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: Control freak. Now you say 'Control freak, who?'

:lol: :roll:



mjs82
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03 Dec 2005, 5:24 am

The Hilarious Astronaut Joke

Warning (and don't say I didn't tell you so):

This joke was translated to me by a linguist who received it from a wise and mystic Indian guru who lived up in the mountains eating wheatgrass, veal and Fanta. As such, the joke is smarter than you and I and could barely be understood by brains as small as those that dwell within the human head. If at any time during the reading of this joke you suffer from a nosebleed, please grab a towel, wrap it around your head and call for an ambulance.


Here goes…

It was decided by nasa that for its next space mission to the moon that it would be best to try and land three people on the moon. The three men who were selected for this mission were Chip Douglas, a vastly skilled scientist. Duck Peterson, a man for whom maths was a first language. And finally a Russian man named Petrov Vodka. During the launch of the mission into outer space, Petrov got nervous and peed in his space suit which was kind of icky. Any how, they got into space okay and went around the Earth a couple of times. On their way back, there was a malfunction with the spacecraft and they crashed in the middle of the pacific ocean, thousands of miles from anywhere. Managing to swim to a nearby deserted island, the three set up a base camp made out of palm tree leaves and sticks. During the first night, a tropical storm blew their shelter away and they force to sleep in a small muddy cave. The next day they got really hungry and went out searching for food. Chip found some edible grass, Duck found some tasty bananas and Petrov came back empty handed. Chip and Duck were quite furious at the Russian for they had found food yet Petrov had gone away all day and came back with absolutely nothing. The next day Petrov got up early whilst the others were asleep. When Duck and Chip awoke, they asked each other where Petrov had gone to. Worried, they went out searching for him. After hours of climbing through thick swampy jungle terrain, they found Petrov half way up a coconut tree. Duck yelled out “What are you doing you mad Russian?” causing Petrov to fall down to the bottom of the tree, landing on his bottom upon some sharp pointy rocks. Petrov told them that he was trying to retrieve the coconuts from the top of the tree but was thus far unsuccessful. Hungry, Chip and Duck built themselves a harness to climb up to tree made out of jungle vines. Unfortunately, three quarters of the way to the top, it snapped, causing Duck to fall and cut his forehead. For days, each of the men tried unsuccessfully to reach the summit of the tree, in the meantime subsisting on a horrendous banana and wheatgrass soup. After eleven days, quite malnourished and exhausted, Duck began peeling back another banana, shaking his hands in the process as his stomach rumbled. Collapsing of exhaustion, the banana skin fell from his hands onto the ground. Seeing Duck collapse, Chip ran over towards him panicking, slipping over on the banana peel and hurting himself.



Nuttdan
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03 Dec 2005, 6:44 am

Ah, the old shaggy dog story.

Hey, I got one. Where does Sadaam Hussein keep his hat?
On Iraq/"a rack".


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ilikedragons
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03 Dec 2005, 12:03 pm

Coffe.exe not found insert coffe cup. I dont get it.



thatrsdude
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03 Dec 2005, 12:17 pm

Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke.


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Archmage
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03 Dec 2005, 4:07 pm

los003 wrote:
OK here is something I saw on TV the other morning and really made me laugh. I laugh at stupid jokes alot so I guess this one probably is..

There are 4 people dressed in "weather" costumes. A Sun, a Raindrop, a Snowflake, and I 4 get what the other one was. Well anyways,

The Sun Asks the Raindrop, "So, how about going to the beach this Saturday"

Raindrop Replies "No, I already have plans to go to someones parade"

LOL

Get it, Rain on someones Parade!! ! LOL


It just might be mine. As part of the Key Club International stationed in Arlington TN, my homies and i get to make a parade float and be in the X-mas parade! of, course, those cumulomimbus-class clouds in the distance don't look promising....


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04 Dec 2005, 8:30 am

I don't get lots of them! :oops: Especially the long story one about the crashing into the water...