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Problem with meeting aspergers males

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Katatonic
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04 Dec 2008, 10:47 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Every aspergers male seems to want a relationship with me after they meet me, and it's hard because I only want friends and i'm not really attracted to many people. I'm beginning to wonder if there are any aspergers guys who just want friends. Do any other women have this problem?

I want to try and relate to more aspergers people.


I don't mean for you to take this the wrong way but...judging by your picture, you're a very beautiful woman so....how is an Aspie male wanting a relationship with you any different than an NT male?

I was friends with mostly females for the longest time and never really made any attempts to be with them. I may have thought some of them were drop dead gorgeous, but the thought of me being in a relationship never really occured to me. I just enjoyed their friendship and that SOMEONE actually wanted to talk to me. I was afraid of ruining that.


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violet_yoshi
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05 Dec 2008, 5:16 am

makuranososhi wrote:
violet_yoshi wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
"it simply is that I'm wondering what Aspie guys expect, if I'm to presume most Aspie guys behave this way around women, when they behave in what can be to most women, a threatening manner."

The above is presumptive speech, indicating that this is a wide generalization - if you are sharing an experience, then why indict an entire group in your speech? Also, the comment that everyone would rather make an assumption about your comment is a little extreme, seeing as I'm the only one who responded in the thread to your last post. Perhaps be a little more selective in your words, as what was said indicated something much different than what you claim.


M.



Do you mean I should lie, in order to make others feel more comfortable? I admitted being presumptive, perhaps you didn't see that in my post. What am I supposed to do? Clearly I'm the only one who even appears to care about the feelings of the male Aspie in this situation, given that I'm asking people what I should've done. Apperently from the responses I've gotten so far, it seems the answer from other people is that feelings don't matter.


I'm not sure why you're clearly on the side of the male Aspie; could you perhaps clarify then? You did qualify at first, yet still presume that this is a spectrum-constant behavior? Apparently I'm not reading you correctly, but I don't see where you are exhibiting a great deal of care on his behalf. That those on the spectrum have impairment reading and understanding what is being conveyed as well as what is appropriate in response; some learn from experience, others still suffer from ineptness. From reading in this forum, there seems to be an inclination towards immediacy when one is attracted to another, which I commented in another thread that this is problematic as it sets people off at a distance from the start because of the sense of agenda. I don't encourage you to lie, not in the least - disagreement is preferable to acquiescence. But do you not describe yourself being less than upfront in your response to him? And if you are less than direct, given the limitations of inference here, then the expectation that he would necessarily understand confuses me. It isn't rejecting someone to tell them they're physically too close and need to back off; it's asserting a boundary. Feelings matter greatly; so is understanding context. I'm sorry that you were assaulted (whether it meets legal definitions isn't relevant here; you felt threatened), but would ask that you not rush to presumption.


M.



Well basically here's how I feel. If I didn't care about male Aspies feelings, I'd have felt no guilt about telling the guy off. The fact that I'm trying to understand what I'm supposed to do in a situation, shows caring. It's like, if I didn't care, it'd be no big deal to me and I would just move on.



Haliphron
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07 Dec 2008, 12:22 am

Xanderbeanz wrote:
what i think:

lots (but not all) of aspie guys are pretty desperate to get a girlfriend (we, as males, brainwashed from young into thinking "if you don't have a girlfriend, you're a big LOSER", the emotional stigma of which can be incredibly damaging/crippling and i've talked about it in detail before) it's rather hard to get on with NT females alot of the time, let alone start a relationship with one...so when a pretty AS girl comes along they're gonna jump at the chance...and possibly get obsessive about it too! can you really blame them...?

there is a bit of a rift between AS girls and guys...the guys have often had really bitter lonely experiences throughout their younger life (or even longer), so get very bitter about girls....and the girls don't want to be objectified or gawped at...this...added with our natural ack of empathy, is a recipe for disaster...i'm sure many aspie guys would kill to be in your situation, with people coming onto them....i'm not trying to make you feel bad by this, none of us can help these things, i'm just trying to answer your question in as much detail as possible...



Wow! Talk about PERCEPTIVE!! :D
BTW Hale_Bopp, just exactly Where are you running into all these aspie guys IRL? If you're meeting them online I have to say that Puh-LEN-TY of NT women experience the SAME damn thing from NT men(as well as Aspie Men on occasion).
Might I add: Its become highly apparent that good social skills are FAR more important to most women then they are to most men and so Aspie men are unable to compete with the more socially adept NT males. Aspie women on the other hand, are seen by NT men as an easy catch because Aspies are very vulnerable to manipulative tactics. :?



jkrane
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07 Dec 2008, 11:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
Hale_Bopp,

Please explain your understanding of the differences between "Having a Relationship" and "Just Being Friends."

In my experience, friendship is a relationship.

F.


I think she means a relationship without any touching, kissing, bjs or sex.