How do others respond to your lack of eye contact?

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

shadowmeld
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 30

26 Nov 2008, 10:17 pm

Yeah, you just can't win.

I had to wean myself off the whole not looking at people to now I stare at people too much now apparently. I don't seem to notice most of the time, but when I do I will usually try to avert my eyes for a few moments then look back. It seems to help make me look more...NT?

Even my last long term relationship of seven years got creeped out because she stated I was always staring at her. All my other Aspie tendencies drove her nuts as well. The routines, the OCD, not liking lots of light, not liking the TV (or other sounds on) when I was trying to sleep. The list goes on.

Meh, I give up.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.



ShadesOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2004
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,983
Location: California

26 Nov 2008, 10:26 pm

I had an english teacher who I could just not get along with. She refused to listen to my mother about my as. and one day she held me after class (making me late for my next class, a humiliating experiance) to talk about an essay or something i was confused about. she literally yelled at me "Look at my eyes when I talk to you!" and when i couldn't she yelled again "Look at my eyes!" she embarrased me and hurt me.



CMaximus
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 387
Location: Calgary, AB, Canada, Earth

26 Nov 2008, 10:32 pm

I wouldn't really know: people are generally polite enough about it to not scream GET OUT or anything. They most likely arrive at some impression of me from it, which i may or may not readily recognize some part of. It's not really productive or worth me dwelling on either way, though.



orngjce223
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 227

26 Nov 2008, 11:08 pm

Like I've said elsewhere... I still haven't found a non-awkward answer to "Why don't you look at people when you talk to them?"

Wearing a bright pink baseball cap all the time, including during classes (the teachers don't mind unless I ask them about it... :lol: \) cuts down on the awkwardness slightly, because they know something's "different" about me just by looking. *shrug* Whatever works.


_________________
Everyone's trying to think outside the box, but how am I supposed to get in?


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,202
Location: .

20 Jun 2021, 11:00 am

Some people get really angry if I do not make eye contact. For some reason they are the most likely people I can't look at anyway.


_________________
.


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

20 Jun 2021, 3:12 pm

I really don't know. I've never met one of those "look at me when I'm talking to you" types. It's very rare anybody tells me what they make of me. So I'm left guessing. It often surprises me to read on WP about all these people who others are always criticising and challenging to their faces. Maybe it's a cultural thing but it seems very rude to me. Or maybe I don't come over as the type to mess with, though I don't know how.

And I tend to look at the people I'm talking with - not all that much, but I try to do it enough to appear "normal" and honest, and to see if I can notice anything about their facial expressions. It's all very theoretical because this eye contact thing is something I only know about from reading about it. I suppose I tend to look away from people who seem to be pulling false expressions, such smiles I sense are fake, because I disapprove of putting on too much of an act with people.



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,364
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

20 Jun 2021, 3:26 pm

Different culture, different contexts, different reactions.

I can't relate.

Different preferences, different expressions, different uptake.

Anyone demanding me an eye contact would get a glare instead. Because demanding one is annoying and sometimes makes me angry.

And if I'm angry, I'd likely give them eye contact as they demand. But only because eye contact is one of how I express anger.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


PseudointellectualHorse
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 188
Location: Pasadena, California

21 Jun 2021, 3:28 am

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo artist to draw eyes on my eyelids. Then I can close my eyes and look directly at people, and it will crate the psychological impression of eye contact without actually making eye contact. Good idea, huh?

Perhaps more seriously, sunglasses are an option. Sometimes I wear sunglasses when I don't really need to just to shield my eyes from contact. It really does make things easier. And there's some precedent for this sort of thing. For example, professional poker players often wear sunglasses to conceal any hint that their eyes might give. So it's generally understood that eye contact is a form of intimacy, and one cannot be expected to be intimate on demand.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

21 Jun 2021, 6:17 pm

^
Unfortunately word got around about villains using shades to disguise their true feelings, and some people probably think shades are pretentious or decadent. Though the benefit might outweigh the downside in some cases. Especially if it's true about the dangers of UV where you live. And the pretentious / decadent signalling might be negligible or even helpful in some sectors of society.

I suppose you could carry a white stick as well, to misdirect the observer. That last remark was a joke, at least I think it was......hmmm......I suppose if you don't get caught it could work, though life may get complicated.



ronglxy
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 7 Apr 2021
Age: 80
Gender: Male
Posts: 142
Location: Rocky Mts

23 Jun 2021, 2:07 pm

I'm not sure I know. At some point I substituted looking at mouths for eyes, and only do that now. I have a strong near nausea reaction to "eye looks." Mouth reading is now informationally very dense and telling to me. I have no idea whether it's learned, inate or a mix. I art on/about it too. My art eyes are quite dead I'm told. (I don't know cuz I don' :wink: look at them!!)



SabbraCadabra
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,694
Location: Michigan

23 Jun 2021, 10:31 pm

Most people don't say anything about it to me.
My mom used to be really bad about it when she got angry, when I was a kid... "LOOK ME IN THE EYES." "No." "WHY NOT?" "It hurts."
"LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES SO I KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING."


_________________
I'm looking for Someone to change my life. I'm looking for a Miracle in my life.


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 67,988
Location: Chez Quis

23 Jun 2021, 11:53 pm

I don't even face people when we talk. I don't look at them at all. I have no idea what they think.

When I was a child / teen I was pestered about eye contact but no one mentions it anymore. I guess the people who know me are used to it and the strangers / doctors are too polite to say anything.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

24 Jun 2021, 1:14 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
When I was a child / teen I was pestered about eye contact but no one mentions it anymore. I guess the people who know me are used to it and the strangers / doctors are too polite to say anything.

Sounds like the people you're engaging with these days know that ableism isn't smart. Things do seem to be getting better on that score, at least in some places, and the other -ism that might have been responsible - "adultism" - might also at last be on its way out. Adults have been pushing children around without just cause for millennia.