Compliments

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Who else here sucks at complimenting people? Flattering people always makes me feel like I'm lying for some reason, something I've been slowly fixing with this one person I might start dating soon.

I don't exactly suck at it, but I sometimes used to have a tendency to overdo it. Compliment others too much, make it look like I was trying to use flattery. Now it seems like I don't do it enough. All things in moderation I guess.

Over time I've become more aware that I need to frequently thank people who do things for me. Making sure I give compliments whenever I notice something I want to reinforce, esp. since it's so easy for me to find fault & I can't stifle my discomfort/dislike.
Saying things out loud makes me doubt the accuracy of what I've just stated, even more so when someone's actually listening. I'm inherently self-questioning, it's exhausting selecting what to express. This comes up when I'm trying to say something to another person about him/her, it's nerve-racking.
Compliments I make to other people may end up sounding impersonal yet needy, because I DO need someone-I won't die alone, but I feel like I'm dead. This means it's tough for me to say I "want" a specific individual. My low self-esteem means I crave compliments but then can't believe the nice things said about me.
Hard to balance the choice of words, whether giving or receiving compliments.
A blend of "I like what you do for my sensory-perception system/body" with "I like what you do for my cognitive-emotional functioning/brain". One would put it more tactfully, tailored to the person considered special.

I'm too honest to compliment people. I'd have to be deeply impressed by something about a person to mention it, and if I'm not too occupied by maintaining chit-chat to notice the little stuff, I don't lie about it making me reexamine my life when I really couldn't care less. I can't remember the last compliment I gave...

I'm horrible at complimenting people. Sometimes I'll say something like "I like your earrings" or meaningless like that, but when it comes to serious complimenting about someone's personality or their ability to do something I freak.

I just don't do it. I hardly ever compliment people. But Idon't find it difficult to, akward, yes.

I'm worse at being on the receiving end.

Platonic male friend: By the way, you look good today.
Me: F--- you!

((It sounded more like "thank you" in my head, honest.))

Last edited by Serissa on 04 Dec 2005, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't have too many problems with giving or receiving compliments. Although in the past, I never gave compliments because I didn't know how, and I hated getting compliments because I viewed it as treating me like a little kid. It's twisted I know, but it seemed normal to me.

i think i can be a bit too liberal with giving people compliments. sometimes i'll suddenly notice something about someone that i'd never noticed before and say "oh, i like your arms" or "i like your teeth!" it can be embarrassing because sometimes people interpret this as me flirting with them. so i guess that sometimes it can be just as inappropriate to give people compliments, as it can be pointing out people's faults.

with regards to receiving compliments, i find it easier just to say "thank you" if someone praises me. if i try to convince someone that they are wrong when they compliment me, they usually try to come up with more evidence to support their side of the argument. anyway, i tend to receive far more criticism than compliments, so on the rare occasion that someone has got something nice to say about me, i try to make the most of it!

That's exactly what happens with me. And I know it makes people feel uncomfortable, but I don't see what the big deal is. If I observe something that I like, I'm going to comment on it. But I guess people think it's flirting, cause they're not used to it or something.



Yeah, that might be good advice, because I tend to deny nice things that people say about me. Other times I'll say "you're so sweet" or something like that.

Nah, flirting would be- "I like your teeth... they'd look good on my bedroom floor!"

What about the receiving end?

Whenever I receive a compliment or praise, I'll verbaly accept it but I *feel* like it's a trick or I'm being lied to... Even when coming from trusted friends.

I dont want to give compliments because im afraid people will think i am trying to get something from them. I don't want to tell a girl she is very beautiful, because i'm afraid she'll think i want to continue speaking to her and bother her. Stuff like that. Otherwise i'd be telling people about the s**t that i they are and did that i like left and right, if they'd just smile and appreciate it.

I know I've said this once already, but it happened again: I have established myself as someone who CANNOT take compliments. Someone said something nice (I forget what) and I immediately said, "Moving on," then the friend I'd said "f--- you" to last time explained that I don't take comliemtns well, and so of course someone had to give me two more compliments before I could stop that vein of conversation, though the last two were facetious. I've decided that it's like my "new touchaphobia."

serissa, i think you're nice!

Cute avy, Serissa!