Wanted:Thanksgiving Family Meal Survival Tips

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I am dreading the meal tomorrow at my sisterinlw's. They are great people it's just that I have very bad SAD and the panic disorder can make me appear strange. My eyecontact is very poor and even my ASPY diagnosed councilor had to admit it is a problem. Unfortunately it seems to have worsened with age.

If I could I would skip at least the meal, but my husband would have a meltdown and everybody loves are baby girl. I do my best to melt into the woodwork, but the meal is huge and I feel like a slouch if I don't offer any help besides the potato dish I'm making. Those few hours seem to last forever eventhough I do my best to be NT.

Oooh I'm getting uptight thinking about tomorrow dinner. sigh

There's your problem. You're trying to be what you think they expect.
A sure recipe for failure.
Just be yourself. However that may be. Because if they don't accept you for you, then they definately won't accept a false you.
Have you talked about this with hubby?

My survival tip for getting though the holidays, Get Drunk as f**k. Sorry for the F bomb, I am not big on family gatherings anymore.

That is exactly my survival tip.... for family gatherins as well as life in general.

No I havn't said anything to my husband as he would think it was all in my head. But most aspies can tell the difference. Occassionally we are wrong, but I am of the intuitive type which makes me more prone to see beyond the surface.

Thanks for tip. I'm not a drinker myself.

Here’s what I do every Thanksgiving. I make the turkey. If I get invited somewhere I just tell them that I have to make my own turkey and can’t go. Especially since I make a very good turkey nobody has the nerve to insist. If anyone comes over for Thanksgiving and I get bored of listening to them I ply everyone with good liquor. If anyone doesn’t drink they get bored and leave.

Now there's a thought except I have never had the nerve to roast the turkey. My parents are the ones that are quite good at that so I have not attempted that part of the meal before.

I just stay away. I live with my parents and will be spending all day tomorrow locked in the basement. Things get unbearably loud when my mom's family shows up (they talk OVER each other instead of waiting for turns in conversation). I usually end up slamming my head against walls until they leave. I never eat anything anyway (can't stand the texture of anything that's served at thanksgiving), so there's no point.

thanksgiving survial tips? no phone calls. if my real dad tries calling tomorrow (wich im shure he wont) it will just be so awkward like it is everytime. its like duh you dont know me so why are we talking? ok bye now. i will talk to my aunt and cousins though because there an acceptable bunch

We don't do Thanksgiving here, but this is what I do at Christmas-

Have what I want for my meal. Last year I had pitta bread and hummus, as long as you're at the table that is what counts apparently.

Take things to the table to distract/amuse/keep yourself calm. Be it toys, pen and paper to doodle with textures you like...anything.

Ear plugs. If noise effects you or you get disorientated they can really help you.

Let the people you are going to be around know its hard for you so they don't ask too much from you.

Don't try to be someone you're not, it adds more stress and makes things worse.

That is all I can think of.

Its already hell with all the noise. Vacuum cleaner, the silverware rattling (my hyperacusis is the worst of my non-social AS symptoms). The family doesn't show up for another few minutes so I don't have to escape yet.

My mom already started in with her bitching. She's been doing this ever since I was diagnosed.

"Be nice."

She thinks aloof and not talkative is the same thing as mean. It's not like I insult people or am going to stab them with the turkey knife. I just don't want to see anybody.