Greentea wrote:
One of the best things I've ever read. Extremely powerful allegory of what it's like to live with AS in a community. Had me trembling with emotion. I'd hate for this story not to be given wide exposure!
Two comments:
1. You shouldn't say "other people" but "other mermen".
2. The end is a bit weaker than the story. I'd work more on the end.
Hi Greentea, sorry for not replying earlier, I was out for the holidays with my wife and didn't check the forum
First of all thank you, it is very heartening to hear such kind words for my first story. I noticed that you are from the Middle East, it seems to me that western aspies are not relating to the story the way I thought they would (whether they like the story or not). You are the first one to notice the allegory part. Maybe this is something only asian aspies experience.
The "other people" mistake I'll correct in the story. Thanks for pointing it out!!
Regarding the end of the story, well it wasn't the intended ending. This is only first half of the story that I had in mind before I started writing it. If you notice, the length is half of the minimum accepted word count for a short story (1000 words). I had conceived and written this in a state of rage, when a couple of people close to me refused to understand my predicament. By the time I finished this much I was emotionally exhausted, because I usually don't write. I thought I'd write the second half later, but never got that furious again (
) and figured that the second half would turn out to be emotionally much inferior, even though the story idea wasn't bad. The story is a fablization of my childhood and college years, and the second half was supposed to follow the later years (marriage, self-diagnosis, happiness), so basically a happy ending. But the current ending is like this because that is how it happened. I got on the verge of suicide but returned not understanding why I didn't do it. I guess those emotions were much like they are in the story. I rebel, get self-destructive, and return happy, probably because of the freedom that the rebellion gives me.
So I just removed the opening lines that set the stage for the second part, posted the story in my blog and asked for feedback. I figured that if this isn't good enough, the second part would make it even worse. If fellow mermaids and mermen find it good, I can give it a try
. The replies have been very encouraging.
Hell, this reply is nearly as long as the story!