Faux Pas

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I don't think you would be an aspie without the occasional faux pas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faux_pas
How well you can control these "social missteps" determines your relationships with others as well as general acceptance in society.

Perhaps the greatest casualty of bad faux pas is the self steem and self image.

No one is harder on the faux pas ofender than themselves. And if theyre not, they need to work on that if they're ever to improve.

It is extermely common for an aspie to live with the humiliation, further reinforcing the negative self images that result from these memories of failed relationships and humiliating social encounters.

We are often too self focused [I can't spell conseisious] to easily disregard the constant mental reminders of our failings, to the point of depression and social withdrawl.

I think one of the best aspects of associating with other aspies is watching others like myself on the same path, to greater or lesser extents, working and dealing with the same issues and knowing what's going on in a way an NT can't because they are socially structured. Somthig aspies missed out on when the social skills basket was passed around .

At best we should be supportive and understanding with eachother, realizing that most faux pas are merely trifle attempts at communication that often fail to hit the target. Or even be in the right direction. It isnt wrong to take someone needing help with saying or doing the proper thing and kindly pointing them in the right direction. At our worst, we judge others by thier transgressions and use these as justification for alienating them.

However, if high and low functioning ASDs are to co-exist, the tolerant can't always be expected to be always tolerant with difficult friends who can't change or capitulate for the sake of the relationship. There always has to be give and take in social relationships. NTs do this effortlessly because they've learned this early and naturally. Many PDDs missed this basket.
When this basket comes around, PDDs need to do what they can to grab some skills from it and at least try to apply them without repeating the same mistakes. We all feel better for it.

Remenmbering proper rules of socializing etiquette is not easy if flat out fustrating. Ever feel like you can't please anybody? Feel like giving up entirely? I know. Ive been the dark, fustrated and finding my refuge in withdrawl. This dosen't work very well. in fact its a cop-out. The thing to do is re-coup and get back to the game. In air force tradition, when a plane crash would occour, all the pilots were scrambled to thier planes to fly ASAP. Think about why this is done. probably to defeat the creeping fears and thoughts of doom and failure before they have a chance to take root and deeply imbed in the psyche. We must do this for ourselves and be patient with eachother who fly the same airplanes our butts ride in.

Back on subject, I am not well read on social skills, but some books I have read have served me well.
One thing I rely on most of the time, to help me make better decisions on what to say, if I remember, are memory triggers. I already know some good rules, but will often fail to think of them at the right time due to my hypereactivity and mental speeding. I needed a reminder to just shut up and not speak unless I'm spoken to so I wouldn't blurt out my craziness. so I went to a jeweler and bought a cheap gold band. I wore it on the wrong finger, but for me it served as a reminder to think about what I wanted to say before I said it. I wore it untill I developed the dicipline I wanted. And so single ladies would talk to me. Another thing Id do is cary a momento of someone I respected in my pocket to help me act right as though I were with that person. Today the thing I cary represents the honorable organization I affiliate myself with and am proud to be a party and member of. I'm not going to fail my organization and the people in it.

There are some good things I have read that have stuck and serve me well.
one of the best reads on social skills is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This guy studdied many of the most carasmatic and well liked people of his day to find out what they do that generated so many friends and what they have in comon. this book is usually relegated to the lists of mandatory salesmanship reading, but is good for everybody. I didn't read it all because the first chapter was what I needed the most. The golden rule of relatsionships is this: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. Its that simple. nobody likes it so don't do it, nomatter how right you are.

Here are a few other things that help me get along:

-Be quick to hear and slow to speak- the Bible

-A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over. B. franklin

-"...these disputing, contradicting, and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory sometimes, but they never get good will, which would be of more use to them." B. Franklin

-Open mouth, insert foot.

-Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. W. Shakespeare

-Talk is cheap

-Excuses are like a** Holes, everybody's got them and they all stink.

- If you can't say anything good about somebody, don't say anything at all.

-If you don't want it in the newspaper, don't say it.

Thats all I have for now. I'm off my soap box. If anyone has additional Faux Pas prevention suggestions, please chime in.
DC

Scott,

I have facebook and myspace and would love to post this.

May I post it?

How shall I credit you?

Your pseudonym, your given name or a
nickname/pen name of your choosing?

Yeah.
Credit Scott Mitchell

A Pause in the Faux topic

A perfect answer for the imperfect. Thanks.