I am on the verge of revealing my Asperger's on Facebook.

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HowlingMad1992
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07 Dec 2008, 7:41 am

I'm apart of an Asperger group on Bebo.



bicentennialman
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07 Dec 2008, 3:02 pm

I don't think you should assume that if a person drops you from their friends list, they're doing it because you have Asperger's-- even if it happens soon after your note goes online.

You have over 500 people on your friends list. Chances are good that at least some of them added you a while ago and barely even remember who you are. Sending or posting this note might make them think "Oh, wait-- who was that person anyway? I've been meaning to clean out my friends list..."

Basically, what I'm saying is don't assume the worst about people. Not everything people do is meant personally. Forgetting that and accusing people of having bad motives can lead to hurt feelings.

Just a thought.



EgaoNoGenki
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09 Dec 2008, 7:05 am

I'll try to keep that in mind, bi.

Now, about the title: Is it too straightforward? What should it be changed to? Instead of "Official Admission: I have Asperger's Syndrome," should it be "Would you hold it against me if I told you I was an Aspie?" (Or similarly-worded, like "Would you hold it against me if I told you I had Asperger's?")

PS: Should I give an Alias when referring to Robert Hyde???

Also, I just finished preparing Part III, here:

Quote:
<h1>Not getting subtle nuances of conversations</h1>
<h2>TMI'ing Robert</h2>
Craig once told me I TMI'd Robert while talking in his room when Robert passed by. I haven’t noticed subtle body gestures indicating this, and Craig pointed out there were some gestures Robert made. He described these, but I forgot them now. It would be nice if Craig reminds me what those gestures were.

<h2>Not getting "Alphonse's" hints</h2>
"Alphonse Sleevehardy" once said when I tried to explain why I didn't want to tell my age, and how "manning up" was less mandatory in Japan, he said when he didn't look me in the eye because he felt uncomfortable, I didn't get <i>any</i> of that.

Although I didn't notice nor even think of it then, if I DID notice, I would've gotten furious of his attempt to intimidate me into not finishing my sentence. I’m insistent on finishing what I need to talk about plenty of times. To intimidatingly cut me off before finishing makes me feel like a sheep! I would feel like the "smaller person" if I bowed to that sort of intimidation, and that would lower my self-esteem. It’s been low enough from plenty of other happenings in life.

<h2>Any other situation</h2>
I don't know how often I was in a conversation where the other people gave off subtle, non-verbal hints indicating certain thoughts, that I didn't pick up. Anyone who reads this who has spoken to me face-to-face ought to point out what these were, when the conversation happened, and what the topic was.

<h3>"Dietrich Humvee's" head-turning</h3>
After the Strawser note got deleted by Facebook Staff, I saw on “Notifications” that "Dietrich Humvee" replied to it. I never got to see it, now that it was gone, so I asked "Dietrich" in a Japanese Seminars class what his comment said. While asking the question, he turned his head away for four seconds and I thought that seemed sudden and weird.

He answered "Don't worry about it. You can ask later." I did, somewhere else either a few hours later or the next day. He said "Don't worry about it" again. Evidently, the note was nothing friendly and he got second thoughts, so was relieved that I never got to read it.

I asked a few months later what it means to turn their head away like that. This was one of the eight answers (thus far,) in the link: http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/4449725

From learning that, to show how much I hate to bow to that form of intimidation, I plan to reposition myself as quickly as they turn away so they’ll still see me while I finish my sentence.

<h1>Job Interviews with Asperger's</h1>
I feel that I could pass Diff-E-Q (Differential Equations; a class after Calc III here at K-State) sooner than learn how to pass interviews with job offers.

If I was as cautious as I could be at a job interview so that my Aspie traits wouldn't leak out, the interviewers may realize I have something to hide, and not hire me based on that suspicion.

If I wasn't as cautious, and therefore didn't approach it like half the exam that Craig said was how I approached any social situation, then signs of my Aspergers would leak out as fast as water through a net and there’d raise too many obvious reasons not to hire me.

This makes job interviews a catch-22, and I'd be lucky if I could <i>get</i> an interview in the first place. I might not act confident because I'm afraid of not getting the job, being more sensitive to rejection and all, and they may not hire me because I don't show enough confidence. When there's another catch-22 within a catch-22, that just makes job hunting feel all the more hopeless. Sure, some could say I ought to pretend to look confident, but I’ve heard that pretending to be someone you're not will spring a leak - a leak of the true you, that is.

I've been to mock interviews, and will keep going to them to stamp out every last kink that comes up. I don't know how long this’ll take.

Anyway, my chances ought to be brighter now (even if a little) because I took an "under-the-table" English tutoring job in Japan. To have exercised leadership on a job and teach, is probably something any employer would want to see on my resume. I may even be placed on a quicker track to a management position.

(Next topic continued on Part IV)



ed
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09 Dec 2008, 9:07 am

I don't do Facebook, but I do have a MySpace page. This is the start of my "about me" section:


Quote:
I'm a 64 year old male with Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. Among other things, this causes massive distortions in the five senses. My sense of smell is grossly exaggerated for fragrances (perfume, cologne, after-shave, smelly soaps, flowers, etc) and cleaning products, so severe that it is diagnosed as an allergy. I also have problems with the smell of alcohol, which is why I don't drink.

It also means that I am socially "clumsy" (to say the least!) I don't know how to make "small talk," but if you get me talking about any of my passions, I can bore you to death! :) I can't remember names and faces, at least until I get to know the person very well (This is particularly embarassing at Max Creek shows, where everybody knows me :) And I can't look other people directly in the eyes, probably the most consistent symptom of Asperger's Syndrome. If it appears that I am, I'm really looking you in the mouth, which seems to be good enough for most people :)


My personality, everything about me, is defined by my AS. I put that in so other people could understand me and my "quirkiness."


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Naturella
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09 Dec 2008, 2:24 pm

Reflection wrote:
Heh.

I once wrote a lengthy statement and had some monologgued telephone calls to some family and friends once I found out I had Asperger's... it was ok to share with some close family members and close friends, but I found out that I didn't need to tell anyone about it. I actually felt like an idiot later in some cases where people didn't accept me anyway.

If they don't accept you, they don't accept you.

If they do accept you, they do accept you.

Sharing of a label will not really change anything. It will just make it a little more awkward between you and the people who don't accept you anyway, because then they'll have something to rub in your face and it'll make them feel better about themselves.

Well this is just my experience anyway.

That is exactly what I think.



Naturella
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09 Dec 2008, 2:39 pm

I regret posting in this hideous thread. So, I am deleting my post.



Last edited by Naturella on 11 Dec 2008, 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

emc2
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09 Dec 2008, 3:20 pm

I just wrote what the positive are to having Asperger's as a lot of the time the focus is about the negatives.

I then put it up as a Facebook note, to which I think only about 3 people have read. (yawns)



EgaoNoGenki
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10 Dec 2008, 6:20 am

Now I'm thinking of whether to put up the fact that I get SSI from the government every month, food aid through an EBT card, and Medicaid (HealthConnect) as medical insurance.

Update: My former HS counselor just gave a friend request and I'll have her screen my planned notes here. She may have some more specific insights since she's known me for plenty of years now.

Addend: Should I release one installment today or publish all several of them at once?



EgaoNoGenki
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11 Dec 2008, 9:36 pm

I just prepared Part IV:

Quote:
<h1>Conversational "Delivery"</h1>

Jon Braaten once said, "It's all in the 'delivery'." This was his answer to a question about why my results weren't as good even if I told the same exact joke someone else did, who got better laughs when they said it.

Another source said, "It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it."

Conversation Delivery seems like such a foreign concept to Aspies. I really wish delivery didn't matter.

Also something is said about "timing" when making jokes or saying certain anythings. What's that deal here? Do you wait two seconds between telling the question and answer? Or is it something entirely on a different league from what I'm thinking?

Since I could never manage to get this concept right, I have grown to hate "delivery" so much. Yet, I still have to master it because I believe it still matters at a Job Interview.

I still like the other kind though - delivering pizza or other meals at your door. You just gotta get the right toppings, ingredients, choices as requested, and the correct address. Timing matters too in that "If you don't get it in 30 minutes, it's on the house!" (It used to be until some delivery driver ran a red light and killed a pedestrian. Now they just expect it in a reasonable amount of time.)

If only Conversational delivery were THAT easy. I think I'd learn how to deliver from a FIVE-STAR, $100/plate restaurant before getting by fine with the conversational one.

<h1>Adjusting to new environments</h1>

College was such a wholly new environment for me. I might as well have set foot off-world. It's hard enough for neurotypicals (what we call "normal people") to adjust to college, and plenty of them fail out, but it was harder for me and other Aspies newly in college.

<h2>Getting rescued from the brink of dismissal</h2>
There were so many new distractions in college and completely different ways to go through our academics. That's mostly why I failed all my classes in my first fall in college.

I only stayed at K-State because I pleaded my Asperger's case to Ray Hightower (an engineering dean since retired,) gave him a prepared essay about my situation, along with website printouts of lists of world-famous people diagnosed with Asperger's, or would've been diagnosed with it had they lived in our time. Mozart, Gates, Newton, and other famous luminaries were on this list.

I told him that if I'm given reasonable accommodation at K-State, even I may end up on such a list one day. The accommodation I shared about was of the PILOTS program that I didn't have a chance to join when I heard of it in October, because it was already full. The idea is for new students to "fly through" college rather than just drag.

After he arranged for all my classes to get withdrawn, I enrolled in 7 credit hours worth of classes the following Spring, and got in the PILOTS program. The results were an improvement.

<h2>Persistent Present-day Adjustment Difficulties</h2>
So much of college was so new and different, in some areas, I still have trouble adjusting to them to this day. There are plenty of people here who expect TOO MUCH from anyone whom they interact with (in terms of social skills, at least) so I eventually couldn't get along with them. When these expectations aren't met, it's "quite a crash" like Garrett put it. Some of these crashes are even harder than they would've been in high school.

Also when I "crash" a person, starting from college mostly, people hold longer grudges. That's something I still have trouble adjusting to. Sure, people have said "kids are cruel," but in the short-term sense they are. They don't keep at it for as long as our cruelties are.

<h3>Dealing with long grudges</h3>
Since grudges from college can last many years, I've felt compelled to try harder to resolve conflicts after failing. In certain cases, it leads to bigger failures, but that grows this positive feedback loop into a snowball effect. For years I've kept trying harder to end my source of misery (by reasoning with them, etc.) if my initial attempts have failed.

This tactic worked before. I have a feeling it won't as much as it used to, so I'd have to try another strategy.

Whatever that strategy is which leaves both sides a winner, is something I'd love to learn about.

(Continued on Part V)



richardbenson
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12 Dec 2008, 10:53 pm

i dont do myspace, facebook or any of those other peer networking sites. more times than not its nothing more than a continuation of school only online. i keep it pretty hood and stick to bullitin boards only, plus i have no timeeee


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EgaoNoGenki
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13 Dec 2008, 9:04 pm

richardbenson wrote:
i dont do myspace, facebook or any of those other peer networking sites. more times than not its nothing more than a continuation of school only online. i keep it pretty hood and stick to bullitin boards only, plus i have no timeeee


Yeah, well anyway, should I publish all the parts at once or just one per day? I don't know whether people like it best to get a little at a time, or all at once.



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14 Dec 2008, 12:33 am

This sounds like your about to make your life a whole lot more complicated then it has to be mate



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14 Dec 2008, 9:01 am

8O

Seriously....?

8O

DON'T DO IT!! !

Better to let a few close friends know about your AS and leave it as that.

Why on earth wait until you have 510 'friends' on facebook? Are they actually friends, or just random requests that you've sent out/recieved? If the latter, then they're not going to care or bother to read through your blog- any future employers probably will though.

It sounds like you're attempting a social experiment: "out of a population of 510 individuals, how many will still talk to me after I reveal I have AS?". Whilst I've no doubt the results will make interesting reading, this is your life you're playing around with.

I completely agree with the poster who suggested you should join a group first: I did that once (when I thought I had AS) and felt so exposed and paranoid that I left a week later. You might not feel the same way, but it's a good idea to test the waters nonetheless...



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14 Dec 2008, 12:42 pm

People will probably already think of you as different in some way, and revealing an autism-spectrum disorder is not going to help. They might see you as victimizing yourself to excuse your eccentricity or just trying to get attention. I don't understand why you would want to reveal such a personal fact to 510 people, your going to regret it big time later. Some people, especially people you don't know in person, might even start harassing you for all you know. In my life, I am the only person aware of my condition, and I can't imagine any reason why one would want to reveal it... Its not a lifestyle choice or something that you should advertise, and other then other people with AS its not likely to win you any support, unless from truly open-minded and tolerant NTs. In fact, if you do have any of these, they're not going to care at all.



Rensie
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14 Dec 2008, 5:09 pm

500+ friends how???? 8O



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14 Dec 2008, 5:19 pm

LOL at 510 friends.