Taking time out from your family

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Do any married/living together Aspies need to take time out from their partners/families on a regular basis and how do partners react to this?

I have to be alone sometimes to recharge my batteries and hubby is OK about it most of the time but I think he still feels it as a rejection although I've explained that it isn't. He can't understand why I have to do this as he's not a 'threat'...I'm finding it very difficult to explain and feel guilty then for taking this time alone so I'm winding myself up and it's not recharging, just stressful. How do you handle this?

Oh yes! In a way, I'm very lucky I married a workaholic for just those reasons. Actually he is lucky, too, since a needier woman would hound him to death over the time he is gone. He teaches 3 days a week and has his classes in a block of extremely long days. I am happy to see him come home, but I plan for these mini-vacations. Also he has to go for training four times a year, again times I also plan for. Even if the training is nearby, when he comes home he is absorbed in "homework" for the next day. He understands that I need this time and he thinks that it is an advantage that I actually thrive during these periods. He has a coworker whose wife is ultra-clingy and I guess he has seen how the other side is worse. The only thing I have to keep in mind is to remind him to let me know as far as possible in advance when he wants to "do something" so I can plan for it. I become testy if I am suddenly redirected.

For my part, I am a trail runner and a wildlife videographer, so I can spend long times doing these things. He has come to learn how important these things are to me and accepts them. He is not interested in them, so I don't have to worry about having company when I don't want it. But he teaches video editing, so I can involve him by tapping his knowledge. I also keep breaking cameras, so he gets to shop for new ones (something he loves to do.)

Yes, my husband is very in tune with times when I need to be alone and recharge. The kiddos really drain my patience and I don't want to do or say anything stupid if my nerves are wearing thin.

My ex used to feel the same way about it, he never understood it at all...I think he understands more now though.

My son laughs about it, he can even tell anymore when I need to "recharge"..."mom you're getting cranky, I think you need to recharge."

Starr, don't feel guilty about this...everyone even NT's need some alone time once in awhile. Why do you think people go hunting, fishing, & hiking? Sure some of it's for the sport, but if they're honest alot will admit that it's for the time to "get away from it all" too that they crave.

My "recharge" time makes me easier to live with and better to cope with the everyday stress that comes my way, and it works better and comes with a smaller price tag than therapy or medication..and honestly what's so horrible about that?

I don't know how you ladies do it managing to live with a spouse. Good grief every time a friend suggests I should get a roommate or heaven forbid date again it makes me cringe thinking of having to share the same space with another person. I think I would go insane. Last time I lived with a girlfriend we almost came to blows since we were both Aspies.

Oh, yes.

When living with the future xH, I used to try to lay down the law and say I needed 30 minutes silence. If I went into another room, after about 10 minutes he'd knock 'just to ask something.' In the same room, he lasted about 12 minutes. And he acted baffled every time I explained that an interruption meant that the 30 minutes started new and tacked on 10 minutes to get over the violation I'd experienced.

But he had a personality disorder and no core sense of himself as a person. When I was there, he sure didn't get me as a person or do anything to enhance my well-being.

Visits to his family get-togethers were nuts. They were quieter than mine, but had a way of reciting the same lines every time, just in different arrangements, the whole time. The first time, it sounded like conversation, albeit limited and delusionally narcissistic. The second time, it sounded like really bad accoustics. Like their own special form of stimming or something. Introducing a new topic threw them completely. There was zero space for a person to be an individual. Once, I managed to get time alone in the kitchen before dinner by volunteering to make the salad dressing ... and boiling a bottle of cheap balsamic vinegar down to a syrup. It only works well with high-quality stuff, but the point was that anyone who walked in to 'help' or 'check on dinner' choked, gasped for air and left fast.



I clicked on this thread thinking of taking breaks from communication with family-of-origin. My parents feel I owe them for not drowning me or putting me in an institution as a toddler. I paid them back for years and years, in so many ways, I finally burned out about a year ago, and haven't answered their last nasty letters. The womb donor had this thing about hanging out with me when I was visiting by coming down a few minutes after she heard the shower turn off; I guess her watching me apply makeup (which I only wore there to shut her up) was supposed to be female bonding time. Solved this by leaving bathroom door ajar but having only a nice bra + underwear set on. This freaked her out bc it's immoral, so she'd jerk back in shock and pull the door shut, asking if I didn't want to put something on. She'd wait outside and I'd take my time; at some point she'd get bored, knock and say she was going back upstairs. Awwwwwww ......