Do Aspies Have Their Own Body Language? from "Dear Aspi

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GalileoAce
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11 Dec 2005, 9:14 pm

catwhowalksbyherself wrote:
One of the things that drives me berserk is inconsistency in NTs, or selective memories as to what they've said or done. I seem to have a hard-drive in my head that records their views and can retrieve it for their delectation later.


Oh yes... I'm constantly correcting my mother (and other people) of her wording when she re-tells a story...
And she always saying I constantly remind her of my age, which is an out-and-out lie. I've never reminded her of my age. ie: "I'm 22 years old Mum, I think I can do it" etc... Which is something I'd never do, age is irrelevant.



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13 Dec 2005, 9:02 pm

GalileoAce wrote:
Oh yes... I'm constantly correcting my mother (and other people) of her wording when she re-tells a story...


I do this as well. So do many aspies I've talked to. It is a funny thing. Aren't we supposed to be the aberrated ones? :?


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GalileoAce
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13 Dec 2005, 9:35 pm

Aberrated?



Emettman
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19 Dec 2005, 7:11 pm

"Do we have our own system?"

Bits of one anyway!

While I have had to learn some of the conventions of social interaction including body language, considerate NT's, at work at least, have come to appreciate or understand something of mine.

One example: if I'm really listening to what you are saying, I prefer to do it with my eyes closed. It lets me concentrate on what you are saying, and is a mark of attention and respect.

I've had some wonderful conversations sitting back-to back with a friend (well up a hillside, usually) where there was no possibility of eye-contact. For us it worked well, but I can believe others would have found it oddd.

(Off the other end of the scale, I know a lady who always maintains eye contact while in conversation, which is terrifying when she is driving)



GroovyDruid
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20 Dec 2005, 2:53 am

GalileoAce wrote:
Aberrated?


Yes: adj. "Characterized by defects, abnormality, or or deviation from the usual..."

Not a commonly used word.


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Scoots5012
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20 Dec 2005, 3:08 am

My counsler at school told me that during sessions, my body language seemed to indicate that I was bored and uninterested. In acutuality I was uncomfortable with his questioning.

Now that I've gotten aquainted with some of the other aspies in my area. I'd have to say that body language takes a second fiddle in aspie social interaction. Sure it's there. But it dosen't really add up to much in the social equation.

The first encounter I had with other aspies my age, including ghosthunters visit up by me, the subliminal energy I felt coming my way was much different than the energy I feel coming from NT's - Mainly I could tune in on it and get a clear signal.


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aspiegirl2
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21 Dec 2005, 2:19 am

I agree that my body language is different than from NT's. I usually don't look at the person I'm talking to, and I usually try listening to their words instead of mainly trying to read body language quite often (and I'm constantly afraid that one small move on the face means something critical or if they're bored or something). I think that I also agree on the mental space, because I'm always scared (when trying to speak to someone) that I'm bothering them because they were thinking about something and they can't think of it anymore, which is sort of odd. I sometimes even think that us aspies have a totally different social world of our own that only aspies (and very few NT's) would understand, unless of course NT's decided to study it and they could possibly communicate to us better. This world of socialization could be extremely confusing to us aspies!


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hermit
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21 Dec 2005, 2:53 am

Groovy D, I'm intrigued by the idea of mental space. That's very true for me. The thought of "bothering" someone often resricts me from doing something. It goes the other way too, one of my favorite times is midnight to dawn because I KNOW I won't be "bothered" by a ringing phone.

It's ridiculous, this extends to everything- say I need to make an appointment at the dentist. The idea of calling the office and invading that space unexpectedly is akin to dancing on your neighbor's lawn, to use your example. Actually it's like dancing naked on their lawn at midnight, howling at moon... it's unthinkable. The key is the "unexpectedly", if, somehow, I knew the dentist was expecting me to call at 10 AM on Tuesday, I could do it. Or possibly then the responsibility of having to make the call would prevent it, but I'd be a step closer anyway.

Quote:
I seem to have a hard-drive in my head that records their views and can retrieve it for their delectation later.


Isn't that the truth... if something makes into long-term memory it's there permanently.


It'd be nice if someone wrote a "how to talk to an Asperger's" pamphlet and delivered one to every door in the world. I'll either not make eye contact, or if the poor person is actually interesting I won't stop. I took a class last spring, there was about 3o people in it and the subject was so interesting I just stared at the prof the whole time. He ended up lecturing to me only, I'd try to look elsewhere to give him and the other students a break but I had a hard time not staring. Well it all became weird and I just stopped going.



GroovyDruid
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21 Dec 2005, 5:39 pm

hermit wrote:
Groovy D, I'm intrigued by the idea of mental space. That's very true for me. The thought of "bothering" someone often resricts me from doing something. It goes the other way too, one of my favorite times is midnight to dawn because I KNOW I won't be "bothered" by a ringing phone.


Yes. Since I was a small child, I always treasured the time when I could go someplace where I wouldn't be reached and my metal space would be inviolable.

There IS something to the idea of mental space. Too many aspies have made noise at the mention of it for it to be a hairbrained theory. I think it might be a useful tool in explaining certain aspie behaviors, including certain OCD traits.

I also wonder at certain paranormal undertones it engenders...


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hermit
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21 Dec 2005, 5:50 pm

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I also wonder at certain paranormal undertones it engenders...


Wow, I was just about to log out but you got me on that.

What do you mean?

It makes me think of all the times I've read people's minds. Not literally, but conversations can be difficult sometimes b/c I usually know what the other is going to say. If I'm doing well that day I can avoid cutting them off, but often it's a series of things said by me, punctuated by one or two words from the other.

I can't really tell but I bet it's disconscerting. I think it leaves people feeling a little wrung out.

But I'm curious as to what you were hinting at, if you don't mind sharing.



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26 Dec 2005, 8:18 pm

Having never been fortunate enough to have ever met another Aspie IRL (well, not since I was eight, and both of us were diagnosed well after we both moved away), I really can't say if I could tell about a universal Aspie body language.

I have noticed, though, that my own body language borrows quite a lot from canine body language (dogs being my obsessive interest, which has been around literally since before I could talk). For instance, when I'm being dressed down by a parent and want it to stop, I often tilt my chin up and to the side, similar to a subordinate dog deferring to a dominant one. I also recall a time when I was getting yelled at by a friend and I rolled over on my back without thinking about it (again, canine). When angry I often raise my upper lip in a parody of a canine snarl. Perhaps this is why I am so bad at smiling (it tends to come out looking very threatening, unless I'm genuinely in a good mood, when I hold my mouth open and laugh silently rather than baring my teeth. Smiling without showing my teeth comes a lot easier).

I also tend to 'think' in terms of canine body language when dealing with people, which helps me to better tell how people are feeling. I've been known to joke that I speak fluent Dog and accented Human.



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26 Dec 2005, 9:36 pm

GroovyDruid wrote:
aspies tend to harbor mental space. For example, a question is a transgression on mental space. An aspie will often resent questions from unkown persons and have a difficult time asking others questions or for help, since he considers it such a breach of etiquette in mental space.
My unstudied hypothesis for this is, aspies are extremely concrete thinkers. Mental space is very real for them. Their instincts defend this space in a similar way to NTs defending their physical territory.

Been pondering this concept, mental space & what makes me feel invaded. How things people say can can confuse me about what I really think/feel, because I'm constantly second-guessing myself anyway. Also, it feels like stories/activities that bore me make me feel unwell & anxious while enduring them (for the sake of getting something done, or being polite). Don't feel able to say(to someone I like) that I don't like what they're talking about, that I'm not interested in particular thing. I've a limited ability to filter out unwanted material, generally I'm either enthusiastically interested or I'm not paying attention.
Even worse when it's intrusive noisome shrill blaring stimuli that I can't screen out. Ventured out to rent dvd's on xmas eve & the sound system/ads playing throughout the video store were SO LOUD. Barely able to keep from holding hands over my ears (don't like how earplugs feel, nor earmuffs)-afraid I'd be gawked at. Felt sick/nauseous for awhile after I left there, it was so unpleasant & I couldn't shut it out ! Don't know how "normal folks" are expected to tolerate this sort of environment. Shopping was bad enough, imagine being an employee. Are there really people who aren't bothered by having to continually hear these ads (running at top volume ALL THE TIME) ?


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27 Dec 2005, 12:45 am

hermit wrote:
Quote:
I also wonder at certain paranormal undertones it engenders...


But I'm curious as to what you were hinting at, if you don't mind sharing.


I'm not sure what I mean by that. I've looked into the paranormal all my life, and I've had experiences I couldn't explain. I've heard many aspies say the same thing. But so what? Many people, NT and aspie alike, claim such experiences. I've never been what you would call a "believer" in psychic phenomena, clairvoyance, clairaudience, and the like.

But when one has a inner world in Mental Space that is as detailed as many aspies report, and that inner world seems to bear some connection to the outer world, then it makes me wonder whether there isn't some connection between the two worlds that aspies are more atuned to than others, or at least have a different viewpoint on. That, I don't believe, is too far-fetched to consider even from a scientific viewpoint, not after men like Edgar Cayce, Alex Tanous, et. al., have shown their skills in controlled settings with reputable scientists.


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hermit
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27 Dec 2005, 1:30 pm

Belfast wrote:
Been pondering this concept....


Edited to save space, the whole thing itself- a) I know what you mean, b) in connection with the paranormal:

This sort of bumped my mind, reading this then GroovyDruid's reply right after. We're agreed in the massive amount of incoming stimuli, right? And at least for me, what Belfast said about "enthusiastically interested or not paying attention" is very true... So, if perchance you become focused and interested, it's usually at a much higher lever than others... I know personally I can scare people off by being intense about some things.

Anyway, my feelings on the paranormal, (admittedly don't know too much) is that people who exhibit these 'abilities' are very empatheric and sensitive- IMHO they are capable of figuring it out, even in a scientific setting. I have a logical mind. It could be convinced true paranormal activity exists but I need proof. Here's an quick example. Every time I come home, my cat is sitting on the front steps. I know she doesn't stay there all day. Some folks would claim the cat "knows" I'm coming home. Sure she does- she knows the sound of my truck and can hear it coming from a mile or more. Pull in the driveway in a diffent vehicle and you'll catch her running to the porch- she also knows the sound of a car slowing down to pull in, but it doesn''t give her enough time to get there...

Back to topic, put the hyperfocus on the properly "sensitive" individual and you get... something like the paranormal?

Just thinking aloud about that, and I'm not entirely sure it wasn't just a rewording of GroovyDruid's post...