Sickening disgusting people.

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I would only say no if it was impossible to get him the toy... and I would never say "Because I said so." I'd give the reason, because there's always a reason. "Because I said so" to me often means "Because I'm too lazy to explain" or "Because I'm too lazy to make it happen, so I'm saying no."


Oh, and a belated comment about the spoiled brat thing: my parents used it on me in a way that says, "We were too good to you. We should have been nastier." Or "People were too good to you. They should have been meaner."

I love my daughter and I have mostly been a good mother. Except when she is with me she refuses to go to school. I found out why and it is because the school is to many people and she gets alot of anxiety. The school she is at now is small and she can handle it. When she was with me she would stay up all night til and not go to sleep until 7am in the next day. This went on non stop for weeks and weeks. She would talk to her self for hours on end, pace walk, jump around every where. She was so in her own imagination world anything I said to her didn't register. She also would get violent and throw around and smash up everything in the flat. She would often runaway and I got so sick of it. She would leave notes saying "I am running away but I might be back for breakfast." One day she packed her bags and said she was running away AGAIN. I so often enough of her temper tantrums and everything I said "Good f**k off then I'm sick of you" It turned out that she just went down the street and slept under the street lights. I didn't go looking for her because I was so angry and she was always doing it for attention. I feel to sleep. Then I woke up hours later and panicked that she wasn't there. Fortunately she back later that morning or not long after I woke up.
She won't come with me when I need to go some where and I was at the doctors and I told them I left her at home and I am not coping. They called police and took her. I can cope with her two days at the max at the moment and she stays over every couple of weeks.
People might say 'what kind of mother are you' but I try my best and I ring her up nearly every day to talk to her.

If you want attention, you often need attention.


Why not get angry at the situation and not at the child? Or, better yet for the child's mental health, don't get angry. Why get angry?

It's clearly evident that there is no "right" or "wrong" way of parenting. Simply put, there's no way to win.

Only wrong way of parenting is abuse.

I see a lot of non parents in here giving advice and making comments.

Heck, I threattened my kids with "I'm gonna call santa and tell him not to come" anout 100 times in the last 2 weeks. - According to some here thats child abuse.

Meh, I've had one of my kids go physco in a supermarket cos he didn't get what he wantet, so yeah, clip over the legs, problem sorted.

Its the weak parents that let their kids get away with murder without any dicsipline to annoy me, seriously those kids are the ones that are gonna grow up with a truely warped view of the world I.E. no one has ever said no to me before...

I think Parents use the Santa tradition to make their kids behave because lot of them want presents. But they are screwed when the child figures out he isn't real so they know it wouldn't matter how they act unless the parents threaten them they won't get any gifts from them.


My mother used to tell me as a kid "Santa will pass this house if you don't go to bed." "Santa won't bring you any gifts if you don't stop yelling" "Santa won't give you anymore presents if you don't take care of your stuff." Then my mother stopped when I was nine because I had learned he wasn't real but I think she continued doing it to my brothers.

My mother never threatened she won't get me any if I don't behave or show her respect or my brothers, etc.

I think these parents do this just because of anger, which they apparently cannot control properly. They get annoyed and decide it's their child's fault. It is low, it is mean and it is sickening. In primary school I saw this often happening with some friends. One girl had a mother that was complaining about her all the time, and saying negative things, critisism on everything this little girl did. I was 8, but I was like ''For God's sake, please act normal, you're a monster''. At the age of 10 to 14 I was emotionally severely abused by my father. I couldn't even sit or walk or he'd yell and scream at me for doing even this wrong. I couldn't even walk right in his eyes. I hated myself and him. I thought you must be a real sack of s**t when everyone hates you, your own father included. Now I realize he had problems which he was venting at me. Of course when my mother wasn't around.

I think many parents can't control their annoyance. Sometimes a child does nothing annoying or bad, but the parent has had a bad day at work or anything.

^ I feel sad to know that, that happened to you. Really sad and I don't mean to be patronising at all cause I know the pain that is felt when basically parents act like as*holes. Child abuse is very cruel especially when the parents don't seem care or accept that they are doing wrong.

I remember by doing Parent effectivness training that it is important to identify who owns the problem. Is it you the parent that has the problem or is your child got the problem.
For instance: Your child keeps on shouting out to his brother to bring him a drink of water.
You are: In the midst of a throbbing headache so...
Your attitude to the behaviour is going to be..? but what if your relaxed, working out in the garden, enjoying the sun
Is the behaviour going to be such a problem? When you had a headache you most likely view the childs shouting as unacceptable. When your not stressed and feeling great, it's no problem and the behaviour acceptable. Therefore whose problem is it. The child is shouting but the parent is the one that, in this instance has the problem, not the child. So the parent owns the problem.
It is ok for the parent to say, "I have a really bad headche" and "Can you please not shout?" It wouldn't be as Ok for the parent to lash out at the child for being such a brat for shouting when you have a headache.
So if you are feeling really stressed, sad or busy. No, you don't take it out on your child but you owe it to say to your child, "I've had a really bad day and that is why I am not feeling happy." By saying that the child won't take it personally and it is not sending mixed messages. Another instance; You feel like crap, but you pretend you don't so you can act happy and nice toward your child. You play a game but your child is confused cause you sure look grumpy but you talking like your not. This is sending mixed messages. A child can handle you saying, "look I've had a really bad day and I just feel like crying". However, mixed messages confuse them and it isn't being assertive.
Treating your child like crap because you are feeling that way, is wrong and so many parents do it (at times even I have). Some parents treat thier children so hostile. Taking out all thier frustration on the them and then thinking it is discipline. It's pathetic! and so typical of abuse like thinking.

Both my parents bashed the crap out of me for years and on a regular basis. I remember after awhile being really jumpy. If some one at school would come up behind me, catch me by suprise just to say hello. I would freak 'jump out of my skin' and shake, literally. They would say "what is wrong with you?"
I became alot withdrawn. You can't put some one through hell. Children don't have no one else but their parents. They are supposed to look after them. Not hurt you I feel hate
mom's partner was so antisocial and sadistic. I've found out as an adult, that some serious s**t happened to him when he was a kid because he got a compensation payout.
I'm just so angry, why did my mom let him treat us like that and why did you. I remember her saying she scared she was going to kill me. I would have wished she did. I remember wanting to be dead. I really did and for years. Anything to escape being treated worse. The abuse just got worse. I remember feeling alot of anger, confusion and hate but at the same time I just wanted to be showed some kind of love or affection. I remember feeling that feeling desperate. It is such a cold and isolating place to be. To me it is the worst feeling and to just keep getting hurt, like they hate you
I never wanna feel like that again. When I did those times being a child.

I so am not the mother I want to be. I try my best but to an extent I am or have been abusive. Physically (a little bit), verbally (really bad) and neglect at times has to been bad and why, it the last way I ever wanted to be
No one doesn't really know that as a parent how hurt I feel that I havn't been the parent I should be. Feel so bad. I really do.
Am I a sickening and disgusting person because the truth be told in some ways, I really feel bad. Not a worthwhile person because I don't feel like I am a very good mom.
I can't meet my daughters needs, otherwise she wouldn't be in care. I said, 'no, I don't want you to take her.' I was just ignored as if was nothing. my daughter didn't take no notice. She was just happy to meet the career and to go with her.
Am I her mother 'cause I sure don't feel like it but I love her the most.

emotional abuse. That being said, I know that before I knew that my child was AS I did have less patience with her outbursts and less tolerance, understanding of them. Now I can see that some of her behaviors are completely out of her control and because I can understand it now I can relate better with less yelling and more caring/concern for her well being. Before honestly it was like a power struggle sometimes. Dealing with a cranky, combative child, who was stubborn and nonyielding/unforgiving. Now I see that it's a lot to do with her AS not really not something/someway she choses to act. I try to filter my lenses like that when dealing with anyone. A huge lesson life has taught me is this YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS GOING THROUGH OR DEALING WITH. NEVER JUDGE ANYONE. Except those that are outright physically/mentally/emotionally abusive. But don't judge the new mother that is exasberated with her three crying kids. You don't know what news she just got or how little sleep she's on or what lies ahead of her for the day.