[25+ Age] L & D Forums for High-Functioning Adult AS?

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I'm looking for a forum where I can discuss stuff at a level that is relevant to AS who are functional in the sense of being able to have basic features of life in place: relationship, education and lifestyle, and who just want to work through their issues and real life.

The Adult sections seem to be about hardcore sex topics. The Adult life discussions seem to me to be people who want to hang out with other people their age, not issue-focused.

My interest in Love and Dating is more along the lines of "Theoretical and Applied Love, Socializing and Sexuality"

I would want to discuss love, sexuality and socializing at an advanced topic level, like a discussion thread on the research, socialization courses that are online that are above the level of conversational skills, and so on. Post research article discussions, advanced self-development outlines, etc.

I will be honest here, and hope I am not offensive:

The forums on this site seem dominated by the teenage male world view, discussion comfort zones and intellectual level. Everywhere, it is the teenaged male ego and intellectual level and world view that is some kind of groupthink.

The discussions in this forum are mostly more or less the same: the guys post questions that you don't know how to answer b/c you don't know if they are operating at the 12-year old level or 25-year old level so no one gives a meaningful answer, some guys post absurd pickup game playing and Machiavellian crap, and the women check in and say cute, supportive things and "be yourself" which the guys can't figure out how to apply.

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I am particularly interested in social psychology, cognitive science, real life, theories of love and theories of sexuality. Scienceblogs don't appear to be that bad, but I find the layout really uncomfortable for some reason. And the format is commenting on articles, which is very limited in topic scope.

Here on WP or elsewhere? With Asperger forcus? That has socializing, sex and love -- advanced topics and even theories and research? Is that MENSA web any good for AS people?

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EDITED TO ADD:

The fact is that Love & Dating evolves dramatically from age group to age group as AS move through life, but it always remains a really serious, important part of life but in different ways in each age group. Posting on Love & Dating topics is a lot more complex than it first appears. Especially for AS because we can't use the kind of fuzzy, general language that NTs can get away with. So in being more specific, you get more narrow in relevance. It really is hard to give answers that are meaningful to all and that doesn't outright conflict with the needs of some outside your demographic.

Some people have posted saying that the natural reason that the young/teen male view dominates is simply because they are by far the largest diagnosed group of AS, and they outweigh other demographics of AS in terms of online presence. This is true, and an interesting social issue all in itself. Some people here have sent me email saying that others like me have stopped posting as well because they felt out of place, that older AS need a separate forum on WP. But can the site get too splintered if this happens? And what happens when the mass of young male AS start approaching their late 20's, and then their 30's.

I am thinking also along the lines of simply proposing a system of tagging post subject lines as "[25+ Age]" and/or "[Female AS]", to make it clear when an opinion or suggestion of any single post may not work outside the demographic. Then people who question or would argue with that post due to coming from another perspective will be pointed back to the subject line, to short-circuit a debate over stage-of-life or other viewpoint disparity distraction. Most people don't use the subject line of their post message interfaces, and it would require no segregation of the site or additional development to use subject line boxes for individual messages to implement a "demographic relevancy classification scheme". Actually, if Alex wanted to implement a demographic relevancy classification scheme to sort the diversity where there are multiple-demographic posters on a single thread, he could implement it using those message subject lines that people don't use to flag posts that people intend to be demographic-specific. Signatures can also be used to include disclaimers that state that "this post is relevant to people of my particular <age, sex, etc> demographic and may not apply well to others." And then the signature can be included for those posts to which they apply.

Some kind of scheme like that would require no real changes to the site, and allow a lot of diverse participation in threads, while introducing a way to sort out that diversity and short-circuit misunderstandings. Also, older AS who feel marginalized could simply search on "[25+ Focus]" (if those symbol combinations work as search terms) when they come to the site, to get and share demographic-specific interest posts.

Is there some way to organize pondering the idea of using subject lines of message posts to implement a classification scheme for demographic relevancy?

I also have to think about how to improve my posting to be less defensive and more constructive if I post on personal life topics like Love & Dating. So I have to think about my posting behavior, too. I didn't word the opening post very well, and it offended many people. I apologize for being offensive. I have deleted a few lines that appear to be the worst offenders.

Last edited by ephemerella on 27 Dec 2008, 8:25 am, edited 6 times in total.

Good luck. You seem obsessed with seeing only the "male teenage mindset" in posts, so I don't know quite what to tell you here.

I've never considered "be yourself" to be a cute, supportive response - it's the only option that genuinely works over time, from my experience.

There are a lot of teen and young adult males here, yes. The demographics fit - Asperger's wasn't recognized as a syndrome (formally) until the mid 1990s, so it would follow that those who were recognized as having it from that point on would most likely be young adult or adolescent. If the stats hold true, and I'm not sure I actually buy into them, there are many more male than female Aspies. Hence, you go to a support board for Aspies and that's what you'd find....

There are many of us here who are "high functioning" with "high IQs" who are not adolescent males. We're just not obsessed with sexuality along the lines you seem to want to explore. The topic holds no special appeal to me, but I'm just an old broad these days and dealt with all those ponderings years ago.

I don't know where there might be another board for you, but since this one is heavily populated with Aspies you could always go to the adult forum and post a topic of your own, and then read only the responses that fit your criteria, I guess. Perhaps there's someone a bit older who might want to have a discussion in the topics area you want to examine.

Again, good luck.

Dear ephemerella,

I agree that the "adult" area is a misnomer, it is anything but adult as it is full of XXX sex threads. But all is not lost, I will admit that some of the people here have the teenaged male outlook on life but that does not mean we all have that point of view.

I think that people like KingdomOfRats, Age1600 and Callista have the outlook of either teenaged boys or girls.

I think that some threads in the general discussion forum are truely adult, as is most of the haven and some of the other areas. I am sure that you will find real adult thoughts being swapped here, but as soon as you mention dating or anything to do with relationships then the "teenaged lads" will come out to play.

Hi emphemerella,

I'm more in your mindset, but I also like giving a helping hand or hint to someone younger than me, because I remember how frustrated I was back then, and how futile and hopeless everything seemed. Now my life is pretty wonderful, and while I still have issues and AS difficulties (I still look back with regret and shame on things I've done socially, so I know I'll never be "cured"), I know I would have appreciated some good advice from someone who knew what I was feeling and had my same issues.

I think you add a lot to the dialogue here, and I urge you to stick around and continue to offer the female perspective that comes from experience. There are still opportunities for mature conversation with people more in your age group (like me), and I think that if you leave or cede territory, you just end up reinforcing by default the kind of environment you decry. Maybe we can help make sure this forum isn't just unhappy teens, but also provide them an example of how they can have happy lives and find mature love.

I'm always impressed when people brag about how smart they are.

On this board, I suspect that fairly academic topics will seem too dry and boring to attract the teenage-boy mindset. At least I would hope so. I think if you present a topic in the same style in which you wrote this post, like-minded people would be inclined to reply.

Years ago, I was on a women's studies list-serv (WMST-L) which was an excellent forum for (email) discussion of the type you seem to be looking for. That may be a good place to start. It's not an Asperger's focus, but quite frankly, a lot of us academic types have a number of Asperger traits if not a full-on expression of Asperger's.

Edited to clarify: I don't think this is a matter of intelligence/IQ, but rather a matter of perspective or style (academic). Teenage boys can be just as intelligent as us old folks. They just express it differently.

It's not "obsessive" on my part to claim, after these experiences, that there is a teenaged male groupthink here.

I keep getting attacked by male virgins and teenaged boys on this site. I practically started a flame war (me at the center of it) just be stating my opinion that a "should we view girls as sex objects" thread in General Discussion, that was started by a disruptive person, was sexist and I was disappointed it wasn't locked along with the other threads the person had started.

There's a whole thread over in General Discussion that is basically some teenaged guy attacking me.

There was a whole thread here with male virgins declaring that it was upsetting them when sexually active people discussed things openly, which they referred to as "gloating".



It is good advice. They don't understand it b/c it is unexplained and they don't get it. If you try to explain, they don't agree with you. But I'm just quoting them. There was a whole thread complaining about advice like that.



I think there are a lot of undiagnosed females b/c many of the profiles have not yet been discovered for AS female phenotypes.



This is unsurprising. Once women stop having sex their bodies and minds age rapidly. It's a part of the dying process for non-breeders that is programmed into us epigenetically. Including early menopause, and independent to menopause. There is a lot of knowledge about women's health and sex, only we never really hear it b/c our interests are marginalized.

ETA: some stuff deleted

Last edited by ephemerella on 24 Dec 2008, 12:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Maybe I can avoid the younger-male threads &/or put "RELEVANT FOR OVER 25" flags at the top of my posts?

Would it be unwelcome if I posted "RELEVANT TO OVER 25" threads on advanced adult dating, seduction & socializing skills?

This sounds like an excellent idea, given my questions about relationships.

My issues usually involving conflicting viewpoints.

For example:

Am I more suited to be with another Aspie, or a non-Aspie?

Should similar interests be more important, or is it more important that a partner be of the same religion?

Should I compromise who I am to find someone I could be compatible with?

It's about as arrogant as people thought-policing that which they don't understand & outside their comfort zones on account of age & gender.

Last edited by ephemerella on 24 Dec 2008, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is interesting... i have experienced how difficult it is for AS to try to be someone else for a lover, b/c we can't compartmentalize... can lead to stress & eventually meltdowns & fights.

THANKS!! !! !

I think there is mainly discomfort w/my views & lack of understanding for adult female analysis, not real malice.

The young guys who attack me seem very smart & sensitive.

It's that I'm on the "Wrong Planet" & don't fit in. As usual.

I believe you may have luck discussing this on the Women's Forum. I believe the rules in that forum allow for you to restrict males entirely from the conversation - I would think you could modify your subject line similar to how you've described to achieve your goal.

I'm inclined to agree that Asperger's probably occurs with equal frequency in both genders. I'm not certain that it manifests differently. I think it's more likely that it simply provokes different responses.

But on an aspie board, I don't think you should be surprised to find a lot of males of all ages whose concerns do not include managing the details of their excessive extravagant sex lives.

I'm high functioning in a lot of areas you would consider excessive and extravagant.

I was in the military & did dangerous sea rescue missions. I served at that "Perfect Storm" station, in Gloucester Massachussetts. I put myself through engineering school.

I'm tired of dumbing myself down for people who don't understand what I'm saying and assume I'm a flake b/c they don't understand what I say & map me to some "whore", "dumb sex object" or "manipulative female" bigoted stereotype b/c they don't understand the thing I say & I have simple social skills. To pull off being as different and high energy as I am, you have to have great social skills or go through life acting dumb.

I am just asking for pointers to a good forum, and these comments w/ignorant assumptions about me don't bother me b/c you are so off base.

Last edited by ephemerella on 24 Dec 2008, 1:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.