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SG
Raven
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Joined: 13 May 2007
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Location: Perth, Australia

29 Dec 2008, 4:02 am

I was a loner, but its driving me crazy now, i need FRENS. Frens good.



NaturalTrapist
Raven
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29 Dec 2008, 5:05 am

physicsteen wrote:
Is anyone a loner at school, work, or college? I am at my high school. I don't try to be, but I noticed I'm very eccentric which makes my peers uncomfortable. I'd rather not hang out with someone than be an unwanted precense. Actually, being a loner isn't that bad. You don't have any obligations to go to your "group" or one place. Plus, I get to do software coding in the library during lunch or research my passions.

My family blames me for lack of friends even though I know it is from having major differences and not lack of effort. I've tried many things, but nothing seems to work. So, I just decided to wait until I find someone with similar interests.


Technically it is your fault. Nobody put a gun to your head and forced you to act the way you do. Plus, I know from experience that not many people find software coding interesting.



glider18
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29 Dec 2008, 10:32 pm

I am married and have two sons, but as far as a social life outside of my family---I have none. In that respect I am a loner by choice. I don't desire friends. In grade school I had one good friend. In high school, I hung around some older band members that were not part of the popular crowd---I can say we were good friends. I do miss them, but I don't desire starting up any new friendships now. Being a loner doesn't bother me at all. My interests are my friends.

I will say though, if I was not married with two sons, the loneliness all the time might get to me.



j5689
Deinonychus
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Joined: 22 Dec 2008
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Location: Riva, MD

29 Dec 2008, 11:02 pm

I stay in my room here on the internet all day when I'm not at school, so yeah I'm pretty much a loner outside of school. Inside of school, I have plenty of friends, and several people I don't talk to very often that still say high to me. They think I'm hilarious because I act so weird.

Does it normally bother NTs for them to not be around people often or something? Doesn't bother me at all, if someone wanted to do something, then they would contact me.



physicsteen
Blue Jay
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Joined: 5 Sep 2008
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30 Dec 2008, 1:20 pm

NaturalTrapist wrote:
Technically it is your fault. Nobody put a gun to your head and forced you to act the way you do. Plus, I know from experience that not many people find software coding interesting.


Are you telling me it's my fault for being who I am, and I should change my true self to get friends? If so, that's really shallow of you to say. You're another example of why I don't want to befriend a teenager.



NaturalTrapist
Raven
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008
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30 Dec 2008, 4:06 pm

Here we go. That's the line that everyone uses.
''OMG YURR TELLIN ME TO CHANGE WHO I AM, f*k YOU!''
No, just work on interacting with people normally. As in stop thinking that you're so superior from everyone. Besides, if you want friends YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. No getting around that. This includes shoving software stuff to the back burner in conversation. Most people hate anything having to do with how computers work. Find something else you're interested in and go with that.



Lene
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30 Dec 2008, 8:21 pm

NaturalTrapist wrote:
Here we go. That's the line that everyone uses.
''OMG YURR TELLIN ME TO CHANGE WHO I AM, f** YOU!''
No, just work on interacting with people normally. As in stop thinking that you're so superior from everyone. Besides, if you want friends YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. No getting around that. This includes shoving software stuff to the back burner in conversation. Most people hate anything having to do with how computers work. Find something else you're interested in and go with that.


Whilst rather rudely put, I have to agree with the sentiment here.

Your personality is not written in stone. It's flexible and part of growing-up involves tweaking parts of yourself in order to get along with people as much as you need to.



Fnord
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30 Dec 2008, 8:31 pm

I got so used to being a loner while I was growing up that when confronted with opportunities to "join the crowd" I find that I just don't fit in. I figure by the time I learn how to get along with the crowd, I'll be far too old to care.

I am a loner - not entirely of my own choice.


_________________
 
“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the
purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”

— Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek
episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


physicsteen
Blue Jay
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31 Dec 2008, 2:40 am

NaturalTrapist wrote:
Here we go. That's the line that everyone uses.
''OMG YURR TELLIN ME TO CHANGE WHO I AM, f** YOU!''
No, just work on interacting with people normally. As in stop thinking that you're so superior from everyone. Besides, if you want friends YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. No getting around that. This includes shoving software stuff to the back burner in conversation. Most people hate anything having to do with how computers work. Find something else you're interested in and go with that.


I never put it that dramatically. You did. I don't think I'm superior to anyone. I see myself as a being with strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else.

I do talk about different things beside software such as music, world events, and I will gain quick friendships. It does work, and I acknowledge that, but it won't keep these friendships. Changing your behavior will work in the short-term, but it won't work in the long-term. The friendships I made that way always erode away or go into flames.

It's because the friendship is based on an illusion of interests instead of acceptance. Why should you accomodate yourself to others to gain "acceptance"? Doesn't that jeapordize the meaning of acceptance itself?

I appreciate the advice you gave me and the time you spent to reply. I'm not trying to put you down or try to prove you wrong. My intention is not to argue. I just want to have an insightful discussion about what really is friendship and what types of relationships are worth pursuing.



eyelesbarrow
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 8 Apr 2008
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01 Jan 2009, 4:42 am

I'm a loner and an introvert. & I also have friends, but I'm no social butterfly. Sometimes I meet one or two for dinner, but not ever week. We remain in contact via txting and the social networking sites most of the time. They also know that I go 'dark and silent' sometimes and that i need space and tehy dont make fun/ make a big deal of my eccentricities. I'm really lucky to have them.



AnonymousAnonymous
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01 Jan 2009, 2:55 pm

I have no friends by force, therefore I am a loner.

I do desire friendship, but even if I made a friend at community college,
I would be abused/ostracized at home.


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


Sea_of_Saiyan
Deinonychus
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02 Jan 2009, 2:47 am

I talk to friends at school and online, but I spend most of my free-time alone.



HowlingMad1992
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02 Jan 2009, 7:29 pm

I don't see myself as one because I don't like being alone sometimes. I do have friends and sometimes I do go out eventhough I am alone at home most of the time. I do keep in contract via MSN. At times I can get depressed but I keep myself entertained watching DVDs/ Going on facebook etc.



outlier
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03 Jan 2009, 6:55 pm

Am a loner too. It's difficult to know how much is by choice, but it is a large amount.

In the last 5 years there have been 2 people I wanted to get to know better but circumstances made it impossible. Very annoying.



jd1515
Butterfly
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Joined: 5 Dec 2008
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03 Jan 2009, 8:05 pm

I have two roommates. One of them I barely talk to, the other is socially awkward like me, though he doesn't seem to realize it. He's not an Aspie, just from a very small town in the middle of nowhere. He is probably the closest thing I have right now to a friend. Other than them I am usually alone in my spare time. I didn't go out at all during high school except to track team parties (the official ones with the coaches, not the invitation only ones), I didn't attend prom or any other senior events, and I spent a lot of time in school walking around aimlessly so people wouldn't see me sitting alone.

I have never had a 'best friend,' somebody who I could honestly say would consider me their number one friend. I don't get along well in groups, can't understand or fit into the whole pack dynamic. I've been called a social isolate, freak, loner, loser, every name in the book. I've been told I'll end up like the Unabomber. The funny thing is, and this is what frustrates other people, is that I just don't care, or care only so much as other people judge me on being a loner. If I can provide a facade of normalcy to the world, I don't really have any desire to socialize with most people.