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CanadianFroggy
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Age: 54
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Location: Ontario, Canada

29 Dec 2008, 2:29 am

I'm an undiagnosed Aspie, high-functioning, not savant, but not neurotypical. I have a pre-teen son who is the main reason I'm interested in this web-community. I think it's great that (a) my son has a diagnosis, this makes life with the school much easier, and (b) that he has a father who understands how his brain works, because mine works basically the same way, although I grew up in the 1970s and in a community that did not understand me at all, there were certain saving graces for me, and although we are divorced his mother and I are working together carefully to be the best possible team to help our son out. She has a background in special-education and is a teacher/educator. So my son has a lot of things going for him that a lot of Aspie kids don't have.

I survived my teens by disappearing from life, really. I found computers and disappeared into my room for about ten years. When I came out again, I had a career option instead of a hobby. But I was the typical Aspie in terms of relationships, and social skills: None.

Fast forward fifteen more years and I am a divorced father of two, happy with my life, and at last, I think, I have come to a point where the mental areas where I am very high functioning have helped me to find a happy, sane, benevolent way to live with others, and most importantly with myself as I am. I am still an introvert, and I have some sharp edges. But my focus here is my son.

My son has no friends. He has no social skills. He is not interested in anything you are interested in, unless it's one of the things he's interested in. He shuts down. He stares at his shoes. He avoids eye contact.

But he is a very warm and affectionate boy towards his mom and his dad. We have a healthy bond. He listens to me, and I listen to him. He shares with me, and he and I have a connection that I never had with my dad, or my mom, during my own childhood. We have a diagnosis from a well known child psychologist who specializes in Aspergers. So far we think this is primarily just a piece of paper. Except for one thing; It does help us with schools. Getting access to the special-education resources that our son needs requires that piece of paper.

Nevertheless, I am of the "labels are just labels" school on this subject. And yet, when I read books about Aspergers, it nails him (and me) with astonishing accuracy. So there you are. I just watched "Mozart and the Whale" on DVD tonight. I just love the scenes where she rocks back and forth, especially on the springy-horse-thing. I did that. Boy did I do that. I spent half my childhood on that horse thing. I still rock myself to sleep sometimes. Anybody else else? Any aspie dads of aspie preteen boys here?

Canadian Froggy.



JerryHatake
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29 Dec 2008, 7:05 am

Nice to meet you, CanadianFroggy. :) 8)


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ImMelody
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29 Dec 2008, 9:13 am

Hello Mr. Froggy. I'm not an Aspie dad of a preteen, but I am an Aspie mom of two preschoolers both on the spectrum. We all three have been diagnosed within the past year and a half. I agree that the diagnosis helps get services. I don't think I changed the way I approach my kids after learning what they had.. It just helped me get them what they need to succeed.


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Katie_WPG
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29 Dec 2008, 11:08 am

Welcome.

Although, I do have a word of warning.

I don't know about your particular area of Canada, but in Winnipeg if your child takes special-ed courses in high school, they can't go to post-secondary. I imagine it would be very similar in other areas of Canada as well. I'm not too sure if that also extends to elementary and middle school, but I know for sure that if there are any 'modified' courses on your high school record that you would need to re-take them at an adult education centre before you're allowed to attend so much as community college. My aspie ex-boyfriend found that out the hard way.



CanadianFroggy
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Joined: 28 Dec 2008
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29 Dec 2008, 11:45 am

Thanks everybody. I'm glad to find this particular Parent board.

I'm having trouble with my son being bullied at his school. We've already been through enough rounds of talking to the teachers, and the principal. I'm looking for a different school now for my son. I believe that the problem at the current school is that my son is the butt of all the NT jokers in the class, and I don't believe it's possible to dig your way out from being actively hated and mocked.

I think even ONE friend would make school a safe place for my son to learn. But I don't think he's going to find even one, in the school he's in. It's a highly competitive school full of kids that I see as the most competitive and arrogant children of some of the most competitive and arrogant men and women in Canada, in one of the richest areas of one of the richest cities in the world.

In the poorer areas, you have one set of problems, and in the richer areas you find another set. Both are pretty screwed up, if you ask me.

C.F.



ster
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29 Dec 2008, 11:48 am

my hubby and i have a teenage aspie & an undxed 10 year old........welcome to wp!



katrine
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29 Dec 2008, 3:49 pm

Welcome aboard!
I have 3 boys including a 9 n.y.o. with HFA.
It must be tough with such an awful school situation! It makes my blood go cold just thinking about it. Hope you find a more gentle and tolerant enviroment for your son.