How to find a boyfriend if you are a female with Asperger's?

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Who_Am_I
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31 Dec 2008, 11:08 pm

886 wrote:
you could start by posting "BE MY BOYFRIEND PLZ" in this forum and you will get over 9000 replies :lol:


Corrected.


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pakled
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01 Jan 2009, 2:27 am

well, I think it might be 'quantity' vs 'quality'. Quantity isn't hard, just develop a reputation, and you'll have all the guys you want.

Quality is harder. Maybe if you concentrate on what you're actually looking for, and just be there for it to happen. If you have feminine wiles, use 'em. Guys are usually so blown away by women approaching them and flirting, that should work as well...



Forsaken
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01 Jan 2009, 2:34 am

I wish it was that easy for males..........................
so not fair.
well, for you I guess it will just come down to you get to be picky and choosy
and the males get to deal with all the heartless rejection issues.
the manipulation and rejection gets easier with practice doesn't it?
in fact I bet your egos enjoy it.

Its stuff like this that makes me sadly wish some disease would come along and wipe out 2/3 of the male population then the women would actually have to fight over the males.



sunshower
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01 Jan 2009, 4:52 am

If you're good at turning on the charm, well done! It's taken me years to figure out how to do that, and I still do it only to a very basic level.

To the guys who are being nasty about this, the charm is an essential part of human nature, as it uses sexual lure to attract males (potential suitors) so a potential relationship can be formed. Guys also have an equivalent to "the charm" (that doesn't seem to have a particular name) where they tend to show off their muscles, talk in a certain way, pose, that sort of thing. It's human nature, and not some "evil" manipulation.

I think what you mean here is that you're having trouble figuring out how to actually technically get into a relationship. This is NOT easy, for anyone - girls or guys, especially with aspergers. It took me years to figure out a way to do this, how to get from A to B, but other people didn't understand why it was such an issue/so hard for me.

At first I thought, ok, so you try to be yourself and be attractive around a guy you like, and eventually that guy will ask you out. Wrong. I found this didn't work, as no guy ever asked me out. Clearly I was doing something wrong, or sending out the wrong signals, or maybe it didn't work that way.

The truth is, I have NEVER figured out how a normal girl gets a guy (whom she likes/she feels she has a two way connection to) to ask her out and begin a relationship. It has never happened that way to me. But once I realized this wasn't going to work/happen, and there was no way I would ever get the signals right/figure out how to actually seduce someone, I decided I needed to figure out another way to get from A to B.

In the end, with the guys I was close friends with and attracted to, and wanted to take things to the next level with, I ended up simply fronting up to them and asking them; will you be my bf? They will either say yes or no, but if they say yes then you're through. I think the normal way to go about things is to go on dates with people and somehow slowly merge friendship into a relationship, but that process is way more complicated and full of subtle signals and cues an aspie could never hope to pick up on, so I think we need to work out alternate pathways.

It's not really a typical approach, but it has worked for me 50% of the time. It's worth a shot.

Learning how to kiss someone I liked (when I had never kissed someone before) was the same for me, even though people wouldn't get what's so hard about it. It took me months and detailed comprehensive instruction from my brother to finally figure out how to do it. The thing is, you can't just really lean forward and bump your lips with someone. The social cues have to all be right first.


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Kilroy
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01 Jan 2009, 7:26 pm

886 wrote:
you could start by posting "BE MY BOYFRIEND PLZ" in this forum and you will get 90 replies :lol:


more then that :lol:



poopylungstuffing
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02 Jan 2009, 12:54 am

I have never really gone out and looked for a boyfriend...they just sorta happen....



Kristina
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02 Jan 2009, 4:37 am

I'm 23 and never had a bf. I have always wanted that kind of intimate relationship to share with someone but i'm so shy and dumb when it comes to talking to guys and don't know how to let them know i like them subtly without putting myself out to much and getting hurt if they don't like me, which has been most of the time. What can i do?



countzarroff
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02 Jan 2009, 4:50 am

Boots and a skirt, guys will come find you. Even if you don't consider yourself the prettiest girl, boots and a skirt will get somebody heading your way.



sunshower
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02 Jan 2009, 4:51 am

Kristina wrote:
I'm 23 and never had a bf. I have always wanted that kind of intimate relationship to share with someone but i'm so shy and dumb when it comes to talking to guys and don't know how to let them know i like them subtly without putting myself out to much and getting hurt if they don't like me, which has been most of the time. What can i do?


only thing you can do is to keep trying and take the blows. That's what i did and eventually it paid off. You also slowly gain more confidence, even when you're rejected, cause you know that's the worst they can do to you.


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b9
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02 Jan 2009, 4:54 am

em_06 wrote:
how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome?


just ring him up and ask him where he is.



messygeek
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02 Jan 2009, 7:01 am

How to end up in a relationship if your a girl:

Either:

A) Be Yourself

or B) Show some leg and boobage - instant relationship - and shallow one at that too



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02 Jan 2009, 8:09 am

Sir_Beefy wrote:
So? I put on my male charm all the freakin time, and it works like a charm...until I screw it up. Maybe she is asking how not to screw it up? Or MAYBE getting a boyfriend isn't as easy as guys think it is. Getting a girlfriend is probably just as hard as getting a boyfriend. But what do I know, I've only ever been a guy. As a guy, I know what guys like. Here is what you do. BE YOURSELF. Pretty simple isn't it? As for AS guys, they probably want you to do all the talking, since girls supposedly like to talk about themselves. But if AS girls aren't good at conversation, then what? NT guys always let her do all the talking, but AS girls don't say much, so.....maybe this is what she is asking us folks. As I said earlier, if you just be yourself, things will work out just fine.


Wow, I thought that I was Napoleon Bonaparte all this time , thank you for waking me up.



b9
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02 Jan 2009, 8:43 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
Wow, I thought that I was Napoleon Bonaparte all this time , thank you for waking me up.


you are funny



em_06
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02 Jan 2009, 11:40 am

I already have had two boyfriends, so I guess I should have been more specific in my question or added more information to it. I guess what I was looking for was other peoples perspectives on the topic or advice on what they would do. Obviously based on me having two previous relationships I understand the finding or getting a boyfriend part, but once you are in a relationship, how do you make it last or should I say keep it going and without it fizzling out after a couple or more months of dating. My first boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and then he decides it's not working for him anymore. My second boyfriend and I dated for 3 months and then he decides that he doesn't want to date me anymore; he would rather be with this girl he had secretly been dating while going out with me. In plain English: he cheated on me!



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02 Jan 2009, 12:04 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
I have never really gone out and looked for a boyfriend...they just sorta happen....

same


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02 Jan 2009, 12:41 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
886 wrote:
you could start by posting "BE MY BOYFRIEND PLZ" in this forum and you will get over 9000 replies :lol:


Corrected.
ROFL

I thought people would've hated 4Chan for the article on Aspergers.