How will you teach your children to deal with bullies?

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sunshower
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04 Jan 2009, 7:16 pm

PhR33kY wrote:
I will teach my children several thing in no particular order.

1) Bullying is wrong in nature, and my children do nothing to deserve it.

2) Bullies are afraid of people who have confidence in themselves.

3) You only get bullied if bullies can get to you.

4) Always stand up for yourself. Bullies don't like people that push back.

5) Don't back down. That'll only encourage the bullies.

6) Violence is never the answer. If struck, try to get away without striking back, and inform the authoraties (me or a teacher); then the bullies will never bother you again, cause they'll be in a lot of trouble. However, if you can not get away, then fight with all you've got, and fight dirty.

7) Remember your own strengths and use them.

8) There's nothing wrong with telling me or a teacher.

9) Do NOT let them see you cry.

10) When teased, tease back.

11) Bullies aren't worth getting angry about. They're nothings; they're pathetic and insignificant beings.

12) Don't confused bullies with people that are just making jokes.

13) If you feel like you are being bullied, you are. You do not have to tolerate it.


Similar, PhR33kY, although I think the main point I will stress is self confidence. Bullies target people with low self confidence, and once you've been targeted it's almost impossible (in fact I would say it's impossible) to escape. Nothing really works, not fighting back, not ignoring them, not running away, not witty repartee. I tried all these and my situation remained the same.

Even when I moved schools and I started again I would still get targeted straight away as a victim and the bullies would begin to torment me. I only escaped the bullying when I started to develop some self confidence and like who I am, that sort of feeling when you actually feel cool within yourself. Nowadays I'm probably one of the last people anyone would try to bully.

The only real way to deter bullies is to develop self confidence. If you look down on them and think you are cooler than them/hold them in contempt, they will run a mile before attempting to target you. In fact, the one other thing that works is having friends, because you can achieve safety in groups.

Thus I will constantly reinforce to my kids their own unique coolness, their own likability/specialness and individuality, and try to help them make as many friends as they can.


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millie
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04 Jan 2009, 7:19 pm

good point.



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04 Jan 2009, 7:19 pm

It worked for me. The key, I think, was having parents that were always on my side, and they helped me build self confidence. They always talked to me about what to do, and always asked me if I wanted their help to intervene, which I found to be empowering.

I dearly wish I knew what made me deal with bullies so well. I could help so many people if I did.


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sunshower
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04 Jan 2009, 7:27 pm

PhR33kY wrote:
It worked for me. The key, I think, was having parents that were always on my side, and they helped me build self confidence. They always talked to me about what to do, and always asked me if I wanted their help to intervene, which I found to be empowering.

I dearly wish I knew what made me deal with bullies so well. I could help so many people if I did.


My parents were always on my side, and did everything they could think of to help me, but they really didn't have any idea I don't think. My NT mum was popular at school, and my dad was badly bullied (which finally stopped when he beat up his main bully in the last year of high school, which I think can work for guys - though i wouldn't encourage it unless as an absolute last resort - because it's a display of dominance, but wouldn't have worked for me).

I don't think my parents ever really got the self confidence thing. The thing is I also got bullied at times by my brother and boy cousins in my youth, so my view of myself was only reinforced within my family. And my parents needed to constantly be fixing my behaviour throughout my youth, training me to act more normal, and of course this actually had a negative effect on my self confidence as I constantly felt like a failure as I had to be corrected all the time.


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2ukenkerl
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04 Jan 2009, 8:25 pm

PhR33kY wrote:
I will teach my children several thing in no particular order.

1) Bullying is wrong in nature, and my children do nothing to deserve it.


If they DESERVE it, it isn't really bullying! FEW deserve it!

PhR33kY wrote:
2) Bullies are afraid of people who have confidence in themselves.


That can vary!

PhR33kY wrote:
3) You only get bullied if bullies can get to you.


Usually, ignoring them will make things WORSE

PhR33kY wrote:
4) Always stand up for yourself. Bullies don't like people that push back.


Some only push back HARDER!

PhR33kY wrote:
5) Don't back down. That'll only encourage the bullies.


Right, but STILL it can hurt.

PhR33kY wrote:
6) Violence is never the answer. If struck, try to get away without striking back, and inform the authoraties (me or a teacher); then the bullies will never bother you again, cause they'll be in a lot of trouble. However, if you can not get away, then fight with all you've got, and fight dirty.


Have you EVER been bullied? Informing "authorities" will often make it WORSE!

PhR33kY wrote:
7) Remember your own strengths and use them.


Well, THAT is good advice

PhR33kY wrote:
8) There's nothing wrong with telling me or a teacher.


Again, it can make things WORSE! Heck, many teachers really don't care.

PhR33kY wrote:
9) Do NOT let them see you cry.


Probably right again. I never cried.

PhR33kY wrote:
10) When teased, tease back.


Too general!

PhR33kY wrote:
11) Bullies aren't worth getting angry about. They're nothings; they're pathetic and insignificant beings.


You're right about them being pathetic, but one can get angry if they get a broken leg or a broken skull. Should they be happy just because a BULLY did it?

PhR33kY wrote:
12) Don't confused bullies with people that are just making jokes.


Good advice, but YOU don't seem to be following it.

PhR33kY wrote:
13) If you feel like you are being bullied, you are. You do not have to tolerate it.


Again, sometimes good advice, but not in line with what you said earlier.



2ukenkerl
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04 Jan 2009, 8:32 pm

Alicat1989 wrote:
if only it were that simple.

i never dealt wiv the bullies sure u can get revenge but still wen u've been called ugly and fat and worthless and a ret*d all ur school life u dont feel much better after u get revenge coz u wonder if it was true. then u start to self loath.


Well, people made fun of my name ALL MY LIFE! I do NOT consider that BULLYING! That is TEASING! I never hit anyone for that, or really got angry for that. My first name is non descript, so they CAN'T make fun of that. My LAST name sounds like something that is GOOD! It helped the planet, and saves peoples lives DAILY! It has been doing that for probably over the 40 or so years I have been alive. It has few bad points. Sounds GREAT, huh? Well, it can ALSO be used for something that has been used to tease me. If ONLY they put that effort to their studies! Still, I don't care. HECK, I WISH I could say my family invented it, but it APPEARS to be an odd coincidence.



lionesss
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04 Jan 2009, 11:23 pm

Since my son is under the spectrum... he will face bullies, it's a given. However once he is mature enough to understand more, I am enrolling him into self defense courses... dang, I wish my parents did the same for me!



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04 Jan 2009, 11:59 pm

Karate (or similar martial art)

1) It will teach him how to defend himself

2) Bullies will be deterred just knowing my kid knows karate

3) He'll have friends from his dojo who know karate meaning he'll have someone watching his back

4) It will teach him restraint and humility so that he doesn't become a bully



rpm2004
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05 Jan 2009, 12:59 am

Well I don't plan to have any kids, I've got several problems which I don't feel should be propagated therefore I'm voluntarily withdrawing myself from the gene pool.

And if I adopted,I'de just tell them "Yeah,um there's gonna be some kids who hit you and make fun of you a bunch from now until you finish school...good luck with that." :lol:


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05 Jan 2009, 1:15 am

i don't plan to have kids at all.

but if i did
i would firstly enrol them in a martial art of some kind like karate or judo. for the reasons that SPCOlympics stated.



2ukenkerl
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05 Jan 2009, 6:20 am

SPCOlympics wrote:
Karate (or similar martial art)

1) It will teach him how to defend himself

2) Bullies will be deterred just knowing my kid knows karate

3) He'll have friends from his dojo who know karate meaning he'll have someone watching his back

4) It will teach him restraint and humility so that he doesn't become a bully


Just make sure the kid doesn't get TOO cocky. Besides, the BULLY might know karate.



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05 Jan 2009, 10:36 am

If my kid is autistic like me, then I will tell her (I am assuming that my future child will be a girl) the very nature of humans. I will explain to my child that she is different from the majority of people and that other kids WILL bully her for these differences.

I will always support her and help to build her self-confidence. I will reassure her that it is perfectly fine to be different, and that she should embrace and be proud of her differences. I will encourage her to be 'herself', the unique person that she is, rather than trying to be 'normal.' I will inform her that is she tries to force herself to be 'normal', her attempts will always fail miserably. I will help her to love herself for what she is.

I am hoping that this buildup in self-confidence will deter bullies. If the bullying continues, however, I will teach her how to deal with and reduce bullying.
(Note: I have used the following methods in my childhood and I have found that they actually worked, at least in my own personal experience!)


1.) If they make comments about your physical appearance, say 'Thank You' and smile. This will baffle the bullies.

2.) If they hit you or throw things at you in the classroom, say loudly "WHY ARE YOU HITTING/THROWING THINGS AT ME?" so that the teacher can hear. This will humiliate the bullies.

3.) If they claim that you are 'stupid' or 'ret*d', always make better grades than them. Rub your academic achievements in their faces. Ask them what grades they made. Declare their grades compared with your grades to the class. Make it known that you have superior intelligence than they do.

4.) If they physically abuse you when a teacher or other adult authority figure cannot help you, fight with all your might and WIN!


I am pretty sure there is much, much more to tell my future child, but I cannot remember it all right now. This is just the gist of it.


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05 Jan 2009, 10:59 am

PhR33kY wrote:
2) Bullies are afraid of people who have confidence in themselves.


Only if you can express that confidence (or lack of) in a way that the bullies understand. In a generally socially appropriate way. And you must upheld that imagine, care for the right things, ignore the right things so that others will be convinced of your real or pretended confidence.

PhR33kY wrote:
4) Always stand up for yourself. Bullies don't like people that push back.


You must do it the right way though. If you do it in a way that others don't comprehend or find even worse, then it won't change anything. You must do it in a socially appropriate way, the same as others would do it.

PhR33kY wrote:
5) Don't back down. That'll only encourage the bullies.


I am not sure about it. I found that some bullies claimed to go on until 'that person does the right thing'. Whatever the right things is though?

sunshower wrote:
The only real way to deter bullies is to develop self confidence. If you look down on them and think you are cooler than them/hold them in contempt, they will run a mile before attempting to target you. In fact, the one other thing that works is having friends, because you can achieve safety in groups.


Often not so for the obviously autistic.

Autism can make you look shy and scared from the lack of body language, speech disorders can make you look afraid to talk back, motor disorders can make it appear as if you stay away from games and play fights on purpose because you're afraid...

But even then, self-confidence rates highest of course! I totally agree with that. Especially if you're disabled or can't help being different. You cannot let those people destroy your self-confidence when you can't help but being confronted with them.

I just do not agree with that self-confidence protects you any if you're disabled in a way that others cannot comprehend.


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05 Jan 2009, 12:00 pm

I wish I knew how to fight when I was in school. Social skills will go so far to help you avoid bullies, but nothing keeps them away better than making a bloody example off the first one who tries it on. As you get older, it becomes less useful but the kid who can make the bullies chew on the curb will avoid many problems early on.

After that, it's all about perfecting the crazy gaze :scratch:


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06 Jan 2009, 3:05 pm

[quote="2ukenkerl"][quote="Alicat1989"]if only it were that simple.

i never dealt wiv the bullies sure u can get revenge but still wen u've been called ugly and fat and worthless and a ret*d all ur school life u dont feel much better after u get revenge coz u wonder if it was true. then u start to self loath.[/quote]

Well, people made fun of my name ALL MY LIFE! I do NOT consider that BULLYING! That is TEASING! I never hit anyone for that, or really got angry for that. My first name is non descript, so they CAN'T make fun of that. My LAST name sounds like something that is GOOD! It helped the planet, and saves peoples lives DAILY! It has been doing that for probably over the 40 or so years I have been alive. It has few bad points. Sounds GREAT, huh? Well, it can ALSO be used for something that has been used to tease me. If ONLY they put that effort to their studies! Still, I don't care. HECK, I WISH I could say my family invented it, but it APPEARS to be an odd coincidence.[/quote]

ok after reading my post it doesnt look that bad but i was beaten up a fair few times by a number of ppl each time for being different and I got over that fairly quickly coz bruises and cuts heal.

HOWEVER! Words hurt more than bruises because they never go away it sticks wiv that little voice in the back of ur head saying 'ur ugly, fat, worthless and ret*d. ur nothing compared to everyone else. this world wud be so much better if u were dead.' so YEAH I WOULd most DEFINATELY call that BULLYING infact actually no I wouldn't call it bullying ITS TORTURE!! ! Especailly wen ur so called friends do it to u. Now my true friends are left wiv the insecure girl who looks in the mirror and sees a fat ugly girl who is worthless staring back at her. even though they say thats not wot they see.

Maybe u managed to get over it but not everyone is the same. Building up ur self esteem and self confidence is a lot more complicated and it takes more time than a simple bruise or cut that some numpty has decided to inflict on u.