Not knowing your whole life VS Knowing at an early age +/-s

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For those who have been diagnosed or knew about aspergers around or after the age of 18, has that actually helped?

(Assuming one has Aspergers) I think that it can actually help that some not know they have Aspergers before the age of about 18.
If you don't know what aspergers is you may constantly push your self harder to become more socially adequate like your peers because as far as you know you are just like them (even though you may feel different or know something is wrong)

Where as if you know what it is and are diagnosed with it, you may think to your self that you are automatically not capable at all of talking to people because this condition inhibits you from doing so, so then you"ll stop trying or give up especially during teenage years.

So have you had a late diagnosis or an early one, and what were the positives and negatives of knowing or not knowing?

I happened to do better at life back in the day when I thought I was normal. Coincidence?

I've known almost my entire life, well since i was 14/15, but have only accepted it about a month ago. And after having accepted it I have come a long way.

You stated: "Where as if you know what it is and are diagnosed with it, you may think to your self that you are automatically not capable at all of talking to people because this condition inhibits you from doing so, so then you"ll stop trying or give up especially during teenage years."

I think you bring up an excellent 'idea' and 'food' for thought. The old 'self fullfilling' prophesy, where some idea 'of fault or failure' fulfills itself. Yes, I can see that as a potential drawback to early diagnosis of Asperger's. On the other hand learning 'early' might offer one a GREATER SELF ACCEPTANCE at the beginning, and it might come at a time where one learns strategies based on an UNDERSTANDING of one's 'deficits'........ rather than a life time of wondering what the H is wrong with me, why am I so DIFFERENT, year after year after year. There is something to be said for the gift of UNDERSTANDING.......living with something and not knowing what it is, it seems to me, would be, in the long run....a recipe for a painful, depressing, even nihilistic existence, for you would feel more alone, and not know that you are part of a larger group of others who are more like you, than neurotypicals are. It is kind of nice, in a way, to know you are not one of a kind, and that there are others who actually SHARE by the fact that they too experience the world in some of the same ways you do. That's a good thing, I think.....to feel you are not just a single weirdo, but actually realize that there are others on this planet who aren similarly NOT NEUROTYPICAL.......this is coming from someone who figured out she was Asperger's in her fifties. You know: Me. But, it's the way it was meant to be, I'd guess. But maybe back then when I was in kindergarten.....maybe if someone had known and responded thusly and sensitively......it would have been helpful. Those are my thoughts on this matter.

Very interesting topic!

I'm 47, have NLD, self-diagnosed.

All the social efforts I made throughout my life never paid for me, so I wish I'd known from an early age.

Especially so I could have developed my working skills accordingly, and now I wouldn't be failing at work as well as socially. I think, when you can't have satisfying relationships, being financially secure and/or being appreciated for your work can bring a bit of solace.

Also, if I had used my resources (time, money, energy) based on the knowledge of my limitations rather than wasting them on yet one more Psychotherapy, I could own my place nowadays and feel less anguish at the future. I could've traveled, seen places, tried out a hundred different hobbies instead of investing it all in socializing that only left me heartbroken each time. I only started enjoying life when I found out about NLD and started using my resources for things that actually pay.

All this, without even going into how not knowing ruined my self-esteem and confidence from birth, and made me live 45 excruciating years of self-blame and shame and being people's doormat because of it. I could have used my resources to find out how to relate to NTs better rather than learn how to be kinder so I'd be less rejected.

I've said it before on these forums and I'll say it again: those who knew at an age when there's still time to make adjustments (studies wise, etc.) and those who knew when it was too late to do anything about it - are two completely different categories of Aspie with very little in common. Not to mention those who knew and had family understanding for it.

Long ago I requested a forum for those who knew when it was too late, because the difference is so huge there's no bridging the gap. We are constantly labelled pessimistic and bitter by the younger crowd. We're not pessimistic or bitter: we've had a totally different life from them, that's all. So different that our experiences can't help them and their experiences can't help us.

I didn't know until pretty recently. Against the suggestions of nearly every teacher I had throughout grade school, my parents never took me to see a doctor because they felt that the issue was with the rest of the world, and not with me (I agree with them). Eventually when I started getting extremely depressed, I had a brief stint with seeing a doctor when I was a teenager at which point I had been diagnosed with OCD, depression, social anxiety and schizoid tendencies. I blew it all off, though recently started seeing a doctor again a few months ago after a few people suggested that I might have AS including a friend since high school who was diagnosed a few years ago and someone who I was working with on a set who has an aspie sister. The doctor thinks that it's AS, but I'm kind of glad that it wasn't found out until relatively recently. If I knew throughout my life, I probably wouldn't have pushed myself as much to try to be a bit more socially active, and as a result wouldn't be recording audio for a living right now. Dealing with people has always been extremely difficult for me and still is, and my sensory issues are things that I never really even thought about. I only recently realized that when I get aggravated I get very hot and itchy and that I get very startled and uncomfortable in noisy environments because they're things that I have always lived with and I have never known anything else. I've never noticed that I can act arrogantly or that I'm always saying the wrong things and have been trying to look out alot more (still not particularly good with social cues, but I'm trying). For me, an Asperger's diagnosis is a bit more of an explanation and sort of a stepping-stone to self-understanding. I don't really know how my life will change now that I know, but we'll see. I failed miserably out of college twice, and have failed at living independently, but I think now I might be able to acquire the tools to be able to do better next time. I'm thinking about giving college another shot, and am looking upon it positively rather than as a hindrance.

Here is a great topic to vent in, I was diagnosed in the seventh grade but no one told me what asperger's was! I finally found out like two weeks ago and I was like, "Now why didn't anyone freaking tell me?!" I had a lot of emotions about it but I'm OK with it.

From an early age, I knew there was something different about me, but I didn't know what it was, so I wound up compensating for not knowing making up theories about it.
When I was younger, I went through a "storytelling" phase as a way of coping with my various issues and whatnot.
Perhaps my "storytelling" phase could have been curtailed if the problems I was facing had been acknowledged a little more.

I was 12 when diagnosed but I didn't know what it was till I was almost 15 when my mom pulled the papers out of the filing cabinets. They were all on AS and they were printed off the internet in 1998. There was even a paper written by Temple Grandin. So when i read the papers, I learned how mild I had it but at least it explained to me why it was so difficult to have friends and why I had troubles fitting in, why I had obsessions (the whole time I thought it was normal and I couldn't understand why my mother got mad at me for them) and the inflexibility and being literal. I just thought I was stupid for not understanding jokes and knowing when someone was teasing or being sarcastic. But I was unaware I didn't always picked up on body language or how people were feeling. I didn't think of their feelings. I can remember complaining to my shrink when I was 17 about people expecting me to read their minds and I was accused of not caring about people.
I figured I just show empathy differently. I probably don't even show it well. My bf doesn't think I have empathy or sympathy but I know I have it. I care about people. That's a hint right there I don't show it or maybe it's just him. My mother says I show it but my ex said I didn't so I guess it depends on the person. Some might say I have it and show it some might say I don't show it.
Few people say my voice is monotone so I guess it is sometimes. My parents say my voice changes. I even read online when I was 15 that aspies avoid eye contact. OMG that is what I do.
I also read about autism that when autistic kids learn the rules and when they get broken, they may get confused. That was also me. When I was 17, I figured out, there will always be rules and people will always break them but that doesn't mean they have changed. People are just stupid when they break them.

I'm not as gullible and naive as I used to be and I can see the gray areas now but I still get told occasionally, "it's not all black and white" so I still have troubles seeing the gray areas sometimes.
I still have troubles with jokes but I can understand literal jokes. I can make up my own and I have my own sense of humor. I have gotten better at sarcasm and knowing when to tell people are joking. If they laugh after saying someone, I assume they were joking. If I am not sure, I just ask. I have learned to not talk about my obsessions all the time. I learned to ask questions about other people, about their lives, how many brothers or sisters they have, what do they like to do.


I have had labels placed on me my whole life pretty much since age two because doctors were suspecting autism then. There was one doctor my mother took me too when I was one before my ear operation, and the doctor said I was autistic before my mother even had a chance to talk to him about my history. She just thanked him and left but inside she was thinking "oh thanks for labeling my daughter without hearing what I have to say about her history you bastard." She never took me to him again. But my question is, why did she and dad keep taking me to other doctors that were suspecting it? Maybe because they were listening to my parents and what they had to say about my history but if they didn't agree what they said I had, then why did they keep taking me to them? I never ask my mother about it yet. I even wonder how my mother felt about the AS diagnoses. My speech therapist did suspect it when I was in 5th grade after knowing me for three years and called my mother and told her about it. But my mother said no I didn't have it and I was tested for it when I was 10 and my doctor said no I don't have it so my speech therapist said I have symptoms of it then but not enough for the label. Then when I was 12, my shrink suspected it and told my mother and she said she wanted a professional to look it over so she recommended a psychiatrist so my mother took me to the children's hospital up on the hill where I was tested for autism. I was very hard to diagnose because of my history of hearing loss. It normally takes aspies a few hours but for me it took weeks and couple months I'd say. I think I started going to the place in September and then got diagnosed on December 2nd. I used to think it was November but close enough. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

But I always knew I was different but didn't know why. I just assumed I was like everyone else and I had to try harder so I could be liked and accepted. I didn't know I had a neurological difference. Not until I was 14 anyway. I think that was when I accepted the fact I was different and my mind worked different than other people and if I had a brain transplant (if that was even possible lol) I wouldn't be myself. I would lose the gifts I have and I would have a different personality. But I still wanted to be treated fairly and be treated like everyone else. I wanted to be respected. I still had mixed feelings then and still do sometimes. despite accepting I was different, I still thought I would never get married or live on my own and my mother said "yes you can." She never discouraged me from trying things and never told me I couldn't do things or will never be able to do something. But what did was she didn't want me having a job in high school or going on the honor roll trip when I was 14. She knew I wouldn't be able to handle it, and handle work and school at the same time so she didn't let me. My anxiety was pretty bad then and it would have been irresponsible of her to let me go on that trip she said. I would have ruined it for the other kids she said.

Interesting topic. I was diagnosed recently. I'll divide my answer into pre and post 18.


Pre 18

If I'd been told I have some condition, the knowledge would not have prevented me pushing myself socially, as beyond passively accepting others' advances, I was completely incapable of this anyway.

I think being labelled in childhood would have been detrimental. Gentle, uncoercive guidance tailored to social and sensory needs etc., not emphasizing the context of disorder, may have been beneficial. The AS diagnosis didn't exist then anyway, and my mother would never have let anyone evaluate me or acknowledge any major difficulties. A professional who diagnosed me decades later agreed with her perspective when I mentioned it, implying there is some harm in applying disorder labels to kids.


Post 18

Went through over a decade of adulthood without diagnosis or self-knowledge. Had no clue as to the cause of the extreme difficulties. Would never have predicted this diagnosis (was initially a self-dx). Biggest surprise of my life! Previously I'd blame it on character flaws ... all kinds of things and suffer self-disgust and severe social anxiety.

If something hurt my senses, I'd blame myself (like others would). If I couldn't bond socially, I'd blame myself for not overcoming my fears or practicing enough (like others would).

Diagnosis in the early twenties would have been best. I got through early adult life using brute force; was on the verge of mental and physical collapse/exhaustion just before diagnosis, which prevented the worst, but was still too late to save my health, career, and relationships. There was no post-diagnostic support anyway. The main benefit is self-knowledge. Brute forcing it for years did get me quite far but had health costs and is untenable in the long run. (It also didn't help in forming or maintaining relationships.)

It's interesting, but I seem to have the minority opinion here in that knowing about my AS as I developed (I found out when I was 11), actually pushed me harder to becoming normal.

I wanted to fix myself, and make myself a good person in any way I could, and I forced myself into things that I might not have had I not known about my AS. Before I knew about my AS, I sort of lived happily in my little dream world for the most part.