Not knowing your whole life VS Knowing at an early age +/-s

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millie
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08 Jan 2009, 4:26 pm

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ike wrote:
millie wrote:
(wasn't disney a scumbag??)


Perhaps, but he wasn't actually quoting the guy, just a movie his company made a couple years ago called Meet the Robinsons.


chuckle... ok.



neshamaruach
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08 Jan 2009, 4:51 pm

In reading all these responses, it's hard for me to figure out where I fit here, so I'll just say what I feel.

Basically, it's all individual. Someone who wants to give up will give up whether they're Dxed at 5 or 50. Plus, being Dxed early is only a good thing if you have a good support system.

I was Dxed at 50. If I'd been Dxed when I was a child (pretending for a moment that the Dx existed), my parents would have gone into total flipped out denial. How could their perfect child have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder? How could two such perfect parents have an autistic child? I mean, they were embarrassed because my teeth weren't straight. So, I'm very glad all this didn't come up then or it would have been hell. If anyone in the school system had tried to intervene on my behalf, my parents would have taken me out of school altogether. School was the only place that actually *worked* for me. So, I'm glad I wasn't Dxed back then.

Has my life been difficult because I didn't know I've been an Aspie from birth? Yes, very. Do I feel like I've wasted 50 years of my life? No, I don't. Sure, I made some bad decisions, meaning that, in hindsight, I might have made different choices. I grieve that. But all those "bad" decisions got me to where I am this very minute, with all you nice people, and a husband who loves me no matter what, and the coolest kid in the world who loves me no matter what, and some good friends who didn't faint when I told them about my Dx. So in a sense, age 50 was the perfect time to find out. I have all the support I need and then some.

As for the younger people having a cushier time of it: Nonsense. They still get bullied, they still get ostracized, they still put up with all the crap we did. Given all this, the supports they get are wonderful. There's nothing wrong with getting help if you need it. I always had a drive to fulfill my purpose on this earth, and having someone tell me when I was younger that I didn't have to be on sensory overload every minute of every day would not have interfered with it. The same is true for anyone with a sense of purpose.

The truth is, it's perfectly easy to get psyched out and give up no matter when you're diagnosed. I can say that because I've had days when I've felt very psyched out, days that I've felt, why bother trying to improve myself or be of use? I have this sensory processing deficit and I'll never connect to most people in the way I've always wanted to, so just stay home and be depressed. Go ahead. Who will care?

But I pull myself out of these moods and I keep going down the road because my heart is bigger than the interesting sensory processing system that houses it. This can be true for anyone, at any age.


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Ambivalence
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08 Jan 2009, 5:11 pm

Millie wrote:
Contentious


Surely! 8)

I think I understand what people are saying about "getting some hard experience", but I don't think getting hard experience is the opposite of "being coddled", which is what seems to be being implied. Someone can be "not coddled" without necessarily having to have a bad time of childhood. I would not wish the social aspects of my childhood on anyone (although in absolute terms they weren't that bad) and I certainly wouldn't expect it to make someone a "better person". Such social and coping skills as I have are despite being exposed to people being obnoxious, not thanks to them. The only things you really need to learn about the harshness of the world are, in my opinion: a) some people are nasty b) they don't need a reason and c) the world itself is utterly impartial. You don't need an, ah, drawn-out course in horribleness to teach you that.

Also like neshamaruach says I don't think that children diagnosed early at the present are being coddled, or at least not the ones I know. I work in a school where there's quite a lot of kids with SEN of one kind or another and though they're given a lot of support, they're not insulated from the world around them or from their peers. I don't get the impression that they're getting to 16 in a happy bubble. I appreciate I'm seeing the higher functioning end of things, though, but I see myself-as-I-was sometimes.

Pfft, well, anyway. I'm thirty-something and have been trying all my life to make sense of the disconnect between me and the people around me. Suddenly having something I can point at, something that covers everything "wrong" with me, something that is not unique to my own stupid head and that other people have coped with and are coping with, is pretty liberating. :) In a strange sort of reversal, it's making me feel a lot better about socialising and social interaction, like I finally have full license to attempt these things on my own terms, and not have to try "the ordinary way" and fail and feel bad about it every time.


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Padium
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08 Jan 2009, 5:35 pm

ike wrote:
millie wrote:
(wasn't disney a scumbag??)


Perhaps, but he wasn't actually quoting the guy, just a movie his company made a couple years ago called Meet the Robinsons.


Exactly.



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08 Jan 2009, 5:51 pm

As to being DX'd at an earlier age, yes I think I would have appreciated that. Even though there weren't drugs and treatments back then, at least I would have understood myself better.


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DwightF
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08 Jan 2009, 6:02 pm

millie wrote:
but i fyou have that attitude, then i might hadd you are NOT necessarily one of the young kids i am referring to.
sounds like you are developing an attitude that is really quite healthy and progressive.

The problem is you give a statement lumping "them" all together.

It's the Black Welfare Queen problem, where the truth is (or at least was in the US when an actual study was done, don't know about current numbers) that "typical" welfare recipient is a white rural pregnant females and was only on the dole around 3 years.

In short, it's a prejudice towards a situation that can, and likely does exist to some extent, isn't nearly as clear cut to happen as the picture you've built up in your mind.

Further, it is a potential outcome that is mitigable and often avoidable.


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pandd
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08 Jan 2009, 6:05 pm

I sometimes think being coddled is under-rated. I was coddled until I was about 3-4years old, and it worked out well. I was confident and secure, exceptionally well-behaved, and quite easily bidden (although prone to excessive questioning).

I think there is a difference between coddling and spoiling, the latter is a problem, but the earlier works well for some people.



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08 Jan 2009, 6:08 pm

millie wrote:
Quote:
ike wrote:
millie wrote:
(wasn't disney a scumbag??)


Perhaps, but he wasn't actually quoting the guy, just a movie his company made a couple years ago called Meet the Robinsons.


chuckle... ok.

It is an extract of a motivational statement from Disney to his employees.

By accounts he was a dick, certainly to work for (and partner with), and had a far less than a flawless personality. He was quite a hard driving man and that can be a determent to treating other people "kindly"...come to think of it that's a topic around here, no? ;) I wouldn't hold him up as an example of "model your life after this guy". It is kinda sad that he gets linked to the statement.


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Last edited by DwightF on 08 Jan 2009, 6:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

DwightF
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08 Jan 2009, 6:12 pm

pandd wrote:
I sometimes think being coddled is under-rated. I was coddled until I was about 3-4years old, and it worked out well. I was confident and secure, exceptionally well-behaved, and quite easily bidden (although prone to excessive questioning).

I think there is a difference between coddling and spoiling, the latter is a problem, but the earlier works well for some people.

Exactly, and then there is the even less "red" word of support. It is an extremely poor way to make someone stronger by kicking them in the teeth over and over, and the strength they do come away with tends to be narled, bitter one that comes with a bitter, twisted view of the world.

It's sad to see that. To sense the years of pain endured.

Greentea, you claim to not be bitter but just have different experiences. Did it ever occur to you that your view of the world is coloured with bitterness because of that very experiences you talk about? Our experiences are part of what mould us. Chronic pain, defeat after defeat, getting figuratively kicked in the teeth over and over leaves it's scars. Often crippling ones.


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DwightF
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08 Jan 2009, 6:21 pm

<double post>


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ike
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08 Jan 2009, 6:25 pm

DwightF wrote:
It is an extract of a motivational statement from Disney to his employees.

P.S. Oh sure, and by accounts he was a dick, certainly to work for, and had a far less than a flawless personality. He was quite a hard driving man and that can be a determent to treating other people "kindly"...come to think of it that's a topic around here, no? ;) I wouldn't hold him up as an example of "model your life after this guy". It is kinda sad that he gets linked to the statement.


Ahh... that I was not aware of, thanks for the bit. :)

Same sort of thing with Henry Ford... he's held up as a "role model" by a lot of folks... there's that story about a reporter having called him an ignoramus and his having accepted the "challenge" and then after several minutes of interview and not being able to answer any of the reporter's questions he stood up and said "I may not know the answer to any of these questions you're asking, but in 5 minutes I can find someone who does". Same sort of deal -- the idea of being resourceful is good to remember, although ultimately the man himself was a dick who paid his employees very little and ignored their working conditions while he got rich on their backs.


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neshamaruach
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08 Jan 2009, 8:05 pm

Interesting what people are saying about Walt Disney and Henry Ford. In addition to being all-around jerks, they were also anti-semites. Both of them.


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Padium
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08 Jan 2009, 8:13 pm

neshamaruach wrote:
Interesting what people are saying about Walt Disney and Henry Ford. In addition to being all-around jerks, they were also anti-semites. Both of them.


Odd thing is antisemetism is just as prevelant today as it has been before, just in a different form. Can't think of examples right now though... I try not to think about stuff like that.



garyww
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08 Jan 2009, 8:18 pm

No matter where you go there will always be Jew haters and n****r haters and Spic haters and Ginney haters and I've forgotten a lot of the titles. It never made much sense to me and thats the best part of being on the spectrum since you're not influenced by the insanity of regular people.


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08 Jan 2009, 10:02 pm

I have known I have AS my whole life (or atleast for the part of 13 years I can acutally remember). Up until I was about 9 or 10 I didn't realise that I was any different. It has only been in the past 3 or 4 years that I've acutally understood how having AS effects me compared to everyone else.

^ my personal story ;)^