Big NO-NOs in NT society

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Tantybi, thank you so much for your post! I learned a couple very new to me and wonderful insights. Where did you learn that? I mean, about the deep conversations being seen by NTs as a way to bond, etc. So wise!

its hard to find the right balance between too polite and too angry, or whatever you call it

i always f**k it up and i'll say please and thank you at the wrong time and people will look at me wierd or i wont say it at the right time and people will be pissed at me and say something like "what is wrong with you"

i've figured out the trick is that you have to know which is the right time, unfortunately i cant though because i dont know

Thank you. I didn't really learn it as much as observe I guess, so I can still be totally wrong on it, but that's just how I see it.

Actually, my biggest problem is the monologues because I think in circles, and the way I find the main point is to just keep circling my thoughts until the eye of my thought hurricane becomes clear, if that makes sense. That's kinda what happened in that post. I kept writing in circles and deleting (the original response was three times longer than that...lol). Like on the deep thinking part, I had lots of examples on it, and as I kept thinking and analyzing my own examples, I realized the best way to word what I was trying to say, and it came out in timing and bonding. Then, I did the same thing here and deleted and such, and I think the bonding is because when you do have a deep conversation that goes well, you tend to connect with the person better. While that's not a necessity for an Aspie to feel close to someone, it seems that way more for NTs.

A few more things I learned the hard way:

1) If you have trouble with recognizing faces, try not to show it, if that´s at all possible for you. People get really offended if you don´t remember them! If someone asks "have you 2 met?", and you´re not sure- (this happens to me all the time)- hesitate one moment before answering, and let the other person answer. Whatever they say, you can just agree. If they don´t answer right away, and you have to say something, better to say you think you´ve met; if you turn out to be wrong, you can "realize" that you confused them with someone else. At least, people seem to be less offended that way. This works for me now most of the time...(except the few times when a strange man acted like he knew me in the street, and I found out as time went on that he was only chatting me up...)

2) If you´re a young person trying to figure out social situations, DON`T learn them from the intimate environment of your family. One thing I´ve learned is that for some reason, people seem to treat family members and other intimate relationships with less respect than other social contacts, and often all the rules of regular conversation go out the window- (this was true big time in my family, so I made these same mistakes with my peers...until well into adulthood). I liken it to trying to learn a foreign language from someone who makes constant grammatical errors. If you want to learn properly, watch how family members are with other (non-family, non-intimate) people. I always found that a funny concept, that people "change" in different social situations...I think I tend to act pretty much the same, I´m just sort of me wherever I go.

3) I guess another big "no no" is telling someone you want to be alone or you need space, when they want to be social. Many people don´t seem to understand wanting time off and being alone, so they get offended if you say that.

4) Not laughing at someone´s jokes.