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grinningcat
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10 Jan 2009, 12:55 pm

blackcat wrote:
I ran away. I am currently is someone else's house usig their computer. My mom and I got into it over the dishes. I am not supposed to leave them in there past 9pm..the problem is it was only 7:30. Anyway, she was yellng and asking me impossible questions. "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do what you are told?"etc. After a few "I'm asking you a question!"'s I started saying "Because I'm retarded" to everything. Needless to say that made the situation worse. Not only did she deny ever sayng that, but she grabbed my hair, put me on the floor and hit me in the face a few times. She pulled out my hair and ripped my band shirt(band shirts are sacred to me...). Anyway, I am an idiot for leaving. I my mind, at the moment, it seemed like such a good idea. Give her time to cool off. But now that I have had a bit to think I know that he will only be angrier and is likely throwing all of my things into the garbage as I type this. :cry:


She lost control. You needed to get out. That makes you very smart - staying could have meant a trip to the hospital. Setting one rule, and then blowing up because of a "secret" rule is nothing short of abuse. I am sure that you will hear "I didn't mean it" or "You made me do it because you didn't do the dishes" at a later point - this is classic abusive behaviour. Dishes are so not the issue, its control and who is showing who that they have it. I remember this being a power struggle in my house. I would eat when I got home, the same time as my sister and mother, and then go do my homework, hoping to get done so I could relax for a bit watching tv. Well, dad never even started eating before 7:30, and then would sit there for a freakin' hour. Then he would get mad because I wasn't "moving fast enough" to finish the dishes after he was done. Yet, my sister and mother were sitting elsewhere, enjoying their evening, they didn't have chores like that. One time I remember we were yelling back and forth, and something told me in the back of my mind that one more comment was "dangerous". So I stopped talking. He was so whipped up, though, he THOUGHT he heard me make another "smart" remark, and he came at me. He was literally beating me over the head - I yelled for help, but my mom didn't even bother come out and stop him. My sister finally heard and she made him stop, and I still think to this day, had she not come out, I probably would have ended up in the hospital or worse. After the fact mom said something lame like "you shouldn't hit her in the head". Okay, so the head is off limits, is it? :evil: Mom also had something else charming to say to me - "your father was NEVER like that before you kids came along". So, in her mind, I "MADE" him beat me, by the very fact I was born? Granted, that was the first time he ever lost control that badly but - and the important part of this is - the first time they lose control is the HARDEST. After that, hitting gets easier.

Sadly, I had no where to go either. Until I could leave home, I avoided my father as much as I could, tried to get things done before he could go off into one of his rants, and luckily I had a bedroom that I could hide in that had a tv, radio, and I often would eat in there as well. He never did apologize for his actions, come to think of it. Thankfully I went off to university and was away from him. Too bad I managed to marry an abuser after that- that is the thing, we get abused, and we think it is normal. It is not, its never okay to be abused. It took me a long time to figure that out, too.

I have to laugh. At work we were talking about aging parents, and how they need to be taken care of after a certain point. One of my co-workers actually asked me if I would quit the job I have, to move back to my hometown, to take care of my parents. As far as I am concerned, they are on their own. It is okay to visit them for very short periods, but it doesn't take my dad long before he starts acting like he did when I was at home, and I don't want to live out the end of their lives being abused because it is somehow my "duty" to take care them. Life is too short.


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Callista
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10 Jan 2009, 2:38 pm

Yeah. Been there. My stepdad used to take off my glasses before he started hitting me, so he wouldn't damage them. The implication was obvious--the glasses had cost him money, so they were worth more than me.


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gismo
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10 Jan 2009, 2:46 pm

I expect most people here would have ran away if they were in your position, and we wouldn't all be morons now would we... :lol:



CleverKitten
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10 Jan 2009, 3:06 pm

My mother would always blow up at me for stupid reasons, very similar in to way the OP's mother blew up.

For example, I liked to listen to my mp3 player while washing dishes. One day, my mom said that I could not listen to music and wash dishes at the same time because the dishes would not be as clean.
So I washed one more plate while listening to music, turned off my music, and washed another plate identical to the previous one. I showed mom both plates and asked her if she could determine which one I had washed while listening to music.
She could not tell any differences between the two plates. They were both spotless and sparkling clean.

Then she started yelling and crying, calling me a disrespectful (insert expletive synonymous with "female dog" here) and a stupid retard, throwing all sorts of abusive words at me. I did not yell back or call names. I only continued to ask her if she can determine the difference between the two plates.
Then she started to grab at my hair and slap my face. I did not hit back, either. I decided to leave. Even trying to leave was a struggle, though, because she was trying to hold the door shut as she was hitting me and pulling my hair.

But I got out and quickly went to a friend's house for about four hours to give mom time to calm down from her unreasonable rage.

These events were somewhat common in that household. So as soon as I turned 18, I moved out! Haha! :D


Leaving is a very smart thing to do. You're not only removing yourself from a very hostile environment, but you're also giving both you and your mother time to calm down.
It's better than staying and letting things escalate to something even more serious, like physical injury.


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Last edited by CleverKitten on 10 Jan 2009, 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FrogGirl
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10 Jan 2009, 3:30 pm

you need to report this to the police. she is physically, verbally,and emotionally abusing you. You deserve better than this. She is assalting you, and it is a crime. If this is how she is most of the time, then you are better off somewhere else, but need to go about doing it the legal way. As it is, you can be arrested, if you live in the US, and put in juvinile detention for running away. But of course, that would be away from you mom. you would then be able to tell the judge what was going on, but in the mean time, you would be sitting in dentention. If you have relative that can take you in, then do it. I grew up living like this, being the whipping girl, from my parents and my brother, and I still have physical scars, and worse, is the emotional scars that will be there forever, long after the physical scars heal. GET OUT of that situation.



Callista
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10 Jan 2009, 3:50 pm

Juvenile detention would probably be worse than an abusive home in which your life was not in danger. Remember that kids can be just as abusive as adults, and sticking yourself in with a bunch of criminals is not a nice idea.

But yeah. Get out. Like I said, to a relative's or friend's house. There ought to be an abuse hotline type thing in your area--if you've got access to the Internet, you should find something like that.

Best case, you and your mom go to counseling, she learns to stop blowing up and start communicating clearly, and you move back home until you find a place of your own. You could theoretically end up in the foster care system, but if a relative or friend is willing to take you in, you won't, because there are too many kids that need placement and not enough spots.


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Aspie4u
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10 Jan 2009, 4:07 pm

Callista wrote:
Juvenile detention would probably be worse than an abusive home in which your life was not in danger. Remember that kids can be just as abusive as adults, and sticking yourself in with a bunch of criminals is not a nice idea.

But yeah. Get out. Like I said, to a relative's or friend's house. There ought to be an abuse hotline type thing in your area--if you've got access to the Internet, you should find something like that.

Best case, you and your mom go to counseling, she learns to stop blowing up and start communicating clearly, and you move back home until you find a place of your own. You could theoretically end up in the foster care system, but if a relative or friend is willing to take you in, you won't, because there are too many kids that need placement and not enough spots.


She would be better off in a foster care than to suffer at the hand of an abuser. Send her to relative home? How do you know which side they would take? I don't think running away is a good idea either. She has to go to the school or police. Had I left the abuse that I suffered. I would've been a happier man today.



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10 Jan 2009, 5:00 pm

You are living with an abusive parent. You don't deserve to be abused. You are not a moron for leaving an abusive situation---it's called self preservation. Do whatever you can to get out. Can you stay with your friend? Whatever you do, be sure to have a plan to build your future. Be sure to stay in school and finish your education. Be good to yourself. Do things to improve yourself and learn as much as you can about the world. Achieve. Practice positive self-talk.

I once had a chance to leave my abusive home and live with my grandpa. I didn't. I should have. Do what is good and right for you. You don't deserve to be hit and verbally abused.


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blackcat
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10 Jan 2009, 5:04 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
My mother would always blow up at me for stupid reasons, very similar in to way the OP's mother blew up.

For example, I liked to listen to my mp3 player while washing dishes. One day, my mom said that I could not listen to music and wash dishes at the same time because the dishes would not be as clean.
So I washed one more plate while listening to music, turned off my music, and washed another plate identical to the previous one. I showed mom both plates and asked her if she could determine which one I had washed while listening to music.
She could not tell any differences between the two plates. They were both spotless and sparkling clean.

Then she started yelling and crying, calling me a disrespectful (insert expletive synonymous with "female dog" here) and a stupid retard, throwing all sorts of abusive words at me. I did not yell back or call names. I only continued to ask her if she can determine the difference between the two plates.
Then she started to grab at my hair and slap my face. I did not hit back, either. I decided to leave. Even trying to leave was a struggle, though, because she was trying to hold the door shut as she was hitting me and pulling my hair.

But I got out and quickly went to a friend's house for about four hours to give mom time to calm down from her unreasonable rage.

These events were somewhat common in that household. So as soon as I turned 18, I moved out! Haha! :D


Leaving is a very smart thing to do. You're not only removing yourself from a very hostile environment, but you're also giving both you and your mother time to calm down.
It's better than staying and letting things escalate to something even more serious, like physical injury.


YES! THAT is the sort of thing that ALWAYS happens!! !


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blackcat
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10 Jan 2009, 5:13 pm

Aspie4u wrote:
Callista wrote:
Juvenile detention would probably be worse than an abusive home in which your life was not in danger. Remember that kids can be just as abusive as adults, and sticking yourself in with a bunch of criminals is not a nice idea.

But yeah. Get out. Like I said, to a relative's or friend's house. There ought to be an abuse hotline type thing in your area--if you've got access to the Internet, you should find something like that.

Best case, you and your mom go to counseling, she learns to stop blowing up and start communicating clearly, and you move back home until you find a place of your own. You could theoretically end up in the foster care system, but if a relative or friend is willing to take you in, you won't, because there are too many kids that need placement and not enough spots.


She would be better off in a foster care than to suffer at the hand of an abuser. Send her to relative home? How do you know which side they would take? I don't think running away is a good idea either. She has to go to the school or police. Had I left the abuse that I suffered. I would've been a happier man today.


I brought my school stuff with me. I am doing homework now.


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