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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 3 Sep 2008
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 31
Location: South Jersey.

10 Jan 2009, 9:08 pm

The first being, am I doing something wrong?

Like anyone with Asperger's I have an extremely difficult time socializing. But there are places for me where it's easier than others.

For instance, I'm a member of my school's robotics team, and although I don't understand it at all, and I'm just on the pit crew, the experience is enjoyable for me. But I can't even get my mouth to open when I'm there, I can't say a single word to anyone, despite the fact that there are a couple of people the team who attempt to talk to me.

But in my Comm Tech class, I go up to people and talk to them all the time, I get excited really easily, refer to people as "G-Dawgs", "Homies", etc. and talk about all sorts of stuff. And in English, I can talk pretty well when someone starts a conversation with me, but I can't talk at all in U.S. History I or Foods and Nutrition.

The real problem is, in Comm Tech, people think I'm just the creepiest person alive. I openly discuss pretty much anything, including some things that I suppose most people would consider inappropriate. And admittedly, I do stare at people some times, and there are times when I can just burst into laughter over nothing, without even trying..

But all of this comes natural to me, so what am I really doing wrong?
It just hurts when I think about the fact that I'm going to be 16 in two months, and I've never had a single friend. I'm great at writing and all that in my classes, but I'd trade that just to be able to build memories, and to be able to experience what's it's like to be a teenager, before I turn 18.. To me, no number of A-littered report cards could compare to that. I mean, I get lonely to the point that it seems like it physically hurts sometimes, you know?

The second being, how do I know if my aspie self actually likes a girl, or is just lonely? There's this really sweet, pretty, straight-edge girl with this soft voice who was in my World History class last year, and is in my U.S. History I and Foods and Nutrition classes now, and there's also this completely radical emo girl in my Comm Tech class who I find very cute for some reason.. She doesn't really care about anything, and she uses a lot of profanity, I don't know what I like about her, but I like something about her..

And then there's this girl who I never saw before this trip to the Holocaust Memorial in Washington D.C. yesterday that all of the English II classes went on..

With her, I felt something a lot more.. real? I don't know, I just felt a whole nother level of attraction to her. She sat in-front of me on the bus ride to and from D.C., (about 3 and half a hours both ways) and didn't talk to anyone, just like me, and was either watching the movies being played on the bus, or listening to her iPod and staring at the scenery, like I was the entire time..

And she looked just as lost as I did when she finished in the Memorial.. she was just standing there in the middle of the room, with this worried look on her face, biting her lip, really simply dressed in blue jeans with a purple skirt over them and a black shirt.. (She was dressed much more simple than anyone-else I've ever seen at my school, like me, and I just found that look on her face to be adorable, the kind of face that I wanted to make smile.. I never felt something like this with those other girls)

We also stopped at this rest-stop called the "Chessapeake House" on the way to and from there, and when we stopped there on the way back, I noticed her in line by herself, and eating by herself

And then we got back to the school, she just sat there on the bus, waiting for everyone-else to leave.. about 10 minutes later, I saw her walking all by herself rolling this bag along, and all I could think was that I wish knew her name, and why I'd never seen her before..

She seems so different than those other two, but so much more like someone I'd feel comfortable around..

I actually really felt depressed about the fact that I might not see her again, (because like I said before, I'd never seen her before this trip) and that I don't know her name. But also slightly happy, because her being on this trip means she's a sophomore as well..

I mean, are feelings like I have about that girl just some plain, vanilla crush? I feel like it's something so much more, but I've never even had a regular friend, so what chance would I even stand of just getting to know her?

Last edited by Doomcookie on 10 Jan 2009, 10:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.


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Joined: 9 Aug 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 693
Location: Boston, MA

10 Jan 2009, 10:02 pm

First, strike the word "wrong" from your vocabulary... well okay, not entirely... but in this context... don't use the word "wrong"... instead ask yourself "is there another way I could go about this? A way that might be more likely to produce the result I want?" -- those are the questions to ask.

Secondly ... I think the reaction to girl #3 might be one of a couple of things, but I would lean in the direction of it being a "gut intuition" about her. Maybe it's your a-dar for other aspies and she's also an aspie. Anyway -- there's some reason why you're attracted to her, you just don't know what it is because it's not conscious.

If you're anything like I was, you're pretty habitual about the way you deal with school and so you don't pay a whole lot of attention to other people in the hallways and such. This doesn't help with regard to meeting people at school obviously. If you can, get to school early or leave late and watch the entrance to the school as people are coming or going. Just scan for her and see if you spot her. If there are multiple entrances, try each entrance in order on each day until you spot her. Then when you spot her, say hi.

I wish I had some really good advice about how to go from there, but honestly, that's about where my skills in this area end as well. Maybe someone else can give some advice on the next step after "hi".

Are you a HooLiGaN?

Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 39
Location: Maryland, US

10 Jan 2009, 11:43 pm

This is the sort of thing where I'd normally be able to swoop in and try to help since I have made a few friends, but I know what it feels like to try to go up and talk to someone I don't know but want to know. It's really difficult.

There's a good possibility, in addition to what Ike said, that you haven't seen her because she's relatively new to your school. And more than likely, no matter which case is right, she sounds like she's looking for a friend. Even without the similarities, there's a good possibility that you two could become good friends just because you're both looking for one. My bestest best friend and I are more dissimilar than I think she realizes, but we get along pretty well. She's someone I befriended when she moved to my school, which I hadn't been at long enough to make any good friends at yet either.

I imagine she noticed you while out on that trip as well. Just saying hi might be enough to get a good friendship (if not more, but one step at a time :) ) going. Say hi, mention that you saw her on the trip, maybe get a conversation going about what the both of you liked and didn't like, etc.

As for crushes and being lonely...I'm the wrong person to ask. I already know I get more crushes than I think I actually should, so I don't know. But there's always the possibility that something could happen, so keep that in mind.

Forgive me if I sound a bit preachy or teachy. I don't pretend to know everything, but I like to share what I do know. :)

Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 7 Jan 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 58
Location: England

11 Jan 2009, 1:50 am

There is quite a few options you could choose to do.

1.Well if you were to meet her again you could try and talk to her somthing like

Hi my name is (your name)
hi(says your name) my name is (says her name)
so what did you think of the school trip to (name of trip)(her name)
(she describes to you)
you reply depending on description oh i like those to or same i didnt like those ethier
(depending on if theres a response or not) so do you want to be friends with me (her name)

2.You could ask a member of staff that might know her like a TA or head of SEN
ask things that you want to know but first give a description of her so they can try to figure out who it is
if they do know her they might know were she gos to at lunch or break so then you find that out
so then you can attempt no.1 the conversation

for no.2 i would ask a member of staff i trust and can talk to

If someone thinks im werid;Then wont they be werid,For thinking im werid?
Judge not by the label but by the heart.
No labels will make everyone equal.
If somethings different ,its not better just different.
My qoutes :>)