How do you deal with the loneliness?

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just a personal observation.

good to know it's not a rule for you guys.

I agree...

When I've been rejected I have to backtrack a bit on my prospects with an individual woman. And sometimes that's worse if I let my guard down and have to backtrack even more. When I'm feeling lonely though there's a niggling suspicion that I'll never feel satisfied with my love life or my social life in general, and that's much harder for me to have to deal with than being upset about one person which I know is just going to be a temporary feeling.

NT people face exact same problems! You are only 20 so dont write off your self yet! Wait till you are 50! I am only joking! Sorry.
Seriously, the fact that you are posting on this suggests that you want to do something about it. Which is good.
Sometimes people can be alone despite being in relationships - it is important to be at peace with one self. So may be use this time as that opportunity.
Also cast a wider web for more friends - whilst maintainig the current ones.

Enough of my unwarranted advice!

I have periods where I get extremely lonely. Every couple of months or so, and they can be short or long. But when I'm out of the dumps, I reconsider finding a partner and "finding love" and whatever and realize that I relish being single and answering to no one.

I've always told myself that I didn't want to be married and tied down and that as long as I had family and close friends, I didn't need a significant other. But then I get these periods of loneliness and I just get all confused! I still haven't decided what I want. For me, I believe that I will never find a lover that won't drive me crazy. I look around at couples and think about the craziness that sometimes comes up in relationships, and I just look at them and think "fools!".

Perhaps it's intimacy that I want rather than love. I'm not sure of myself. Does anyone feel the same way I do?

well I guess it depends on how long and how well you knew the person. if it's just a random girl saying no to your invitation for a date or something, then sure. but when you've known someone for a while and thought you had something really cool going on together, only to see them rejecting you or getting discouraged and disappearing from your life completely, it's quite crushing for one's self-esteem. being single doesn't do anything to my self-esteem as it is a conscious choice, it doesn't make me question the point of living and interacting with people.

I feel this exactly!

I've found other ways to cope with my loneliness. My ambition is to work and make money, save money and someday make a real living. Since my social life is almost non-existent with the exception of some small talk, I try not to think about my lack of friends. I try to keep myself occupied with as much hobbies as I can. Being alone does have it's benefits; it's not much but it does give you peace and quiet and you don't have to worry about people annoying you. I'd like friends sure, but I have the terrible habit of thinking, "If they are interested in me, they'll approach me". I understand that does not work and making friends takes both sides. I don't want to be rejected so most times I don't bother.

Best advice I can give you; NEVER let other people control your decision making.

If you think you need a change of friends, then go for it! Screw what everybody else thinks/tells you to do. Sometimes a change of friends, and a change of scene IS the best thing you can do. I can vouch for this, as I have done the same thing myself many times in my life, and each time has actually helped me improve and grow as a person.

A lot of people will strongly disagree with this, but that's because generally people have this sort of herd-instinct, the need to find a group (or herd) then stick with it and never leave. I'm different, and I'm learning to accept myself and go with what suits me best, which is to drift between groups, as I don't get those strong ties of attachment to groups (to individual people, yes, but never to the "herd groupings") I believe this could be due to AS, or maybe just my personality, but yes I find that keeping in touch with the individual people I'm close to, but regularly changing groups and making new friends, works for me in the long run.

As far as loneliness goes; I've find the best cure for me is to accept my loneliness, and learn to revel in it, even to love it. My loneliness is what marks me out as an individual, it's what gives me the freedom and independence, and singularity, unity of person and individual and mind that many other people never can experience.

Brainwash yourself with some mumbojumbo or other, and you can convince yourself you're happy

Easy enough in my case.

- music

- I don't bother to much with it, I mean of course it would be nice to have someone there for you, but I don't so I live with it

- at other times being alone is nice enough as I don't have to listen to people and I got my own peace

Cats!

^FTW

If it involves rejection, I convinced myself that it was because of something I did, even if it wasn't the case.

I'm not super lonely, I have friends that I hang out with every Friday. It's a tradition, even among those that are married in a relationship. Maybe try to set up something like this with your friends... a day exclusively for friends... not girlfriends. If they are anything like my friends... they'll be clamoring for a day to hang out with 'the guys' down the line.

I mildly get that jealousy you're describing. It's even more powerful when someone I know never had a girlfriend and now does... on the one hand I'm happy for them but I'm also sad that I haven't been able to find someone. It passes for me and I keep on trying.

I mostly just do my own thing and loneliness doesn't come up... until I meet a girl that I really like and want to get to know. I do what I can to get to know her... and see what happens. So far each relationship fizzles...

I know I need to widen my net of people I would consider dating to be more successful... but I can't get the motivation to overcome the social anxiety for girls I'm just okay with.

I've been slowly widening my social circles by doing stand up comedy at open mic nights. So I'll see where that leads.

I'm very lonely, too. Nights at home alone are the worst (like right now). The looming weekend can be pretty daunting as sometimes it goes on for too long and I get horribly afraid that this is what I'm looking at for the rest of my life.

All my friends are married with kids and none of them live near me. They're busy enough with their own lives.

I don't want to join any matchmaking sites as I have zero interest right now in anything romantic. I don't know if I'll ever be. My first and only and last relationship cut me up pretty badly and I cannot risk the mental and emotional torture again.

So yeah, what to do, what to do?

I try to escape my loneliness by going to the movies. I do this alone most of the time. I've also decided that I need to take better care of myself so I've started to eat healthily and incorporate exercise later on. I've set myself a goal and recently signed up to do a half-marathon in a few months.

I'm sorry. Loneliness, be you AS or NT, sucks hairy monkey balls.

Yep, close enough . I'm currently going through one of those "relishing being single" phases. I'll probably come out of it eventually... or maybe not... who knows?