Why do people feel the need for relationships?

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Kirska
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17 Jan 2009, 6:23 pm

Here's an interesting reason why: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28146086/

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“Being in an intimate relationship correlates to healing faster, getting sick less often and living longer,” says James Coan, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. “Good relationships offset tension in daily life.”


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benjimanbreeg
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17 Jan 2009, 7:15 pm

I think we all need a companion in some shape or form. Even if its battery opperated or infalatable :wink: But yeah, we do, its not easy being alone. And then again sometimes relationships end up being even more difficult. For me they seem to leave me asking myself a lot of questions, but I don't know the answers to them. All I want is someone to cuddle, kiss etc and to talk to. All the complicated stuff makes my head hurt :(



Haliphron
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17 Jan 2009, 7:18 pm

benjimanbreeg wrote:
I think we all need a companion in some shape or form. Even if its battery opperated or infalatable :wink: But yeah, we do, its not easy being alone. And then again sometimes relationships end up being even more difficult. For me they seem to leave me asking myself a lot of questions, but I don't know the answers to them. All I want is someone to cuddle, kiss etc and to talk to. All the complicated stuff makes my head hurt :(


Well I agree with you superficially, experience has taught me that companionship really IS NOT the end-alll/be-all of human existance and its not a magic cure for feeling dissatisfied and empty(internally). See here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt88595.html



oli234
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18 Jan 2009, 7:21 am

Quote:
Well I agree with you superficially, experience has taught me that companionship really IS NOT the end-alll/be-all of human existance and its not a magic cure for feeling dissatisfied and empty(internally). See here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt88595.html


Yes that's it in a nutshell. Just being with someone will make you happy for a bit but it wears off and you're left worse off than before. Learn to be happy with yourself first and then you can decide if someone is really compatible and not go for someone who makes you feel good in the short term but you don't really love. I made that mistake in my last relationship and managed to really hurt someone as she loved me a lot more than I loved her. Two years later and I'm starting to get over the guilt.

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Here's an interesting reason why: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28146086/


Interesting article but I'd say the correlation is actually between being happy/having high self esteem and being healthier. I think if you're in a good relationship and have a good sex life you're more likely to have high self esteem. There are lots of connections between the mind and body like this.



lotusblossom
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18 Jan 2009, 7:55 am

I definately find that it comes in cycles or waves. Sometimes I feel better about being alone than others. I think hormones have a lot to do with it though. I think that even though we feel that we want love, it is our biology that is strongly involved in this. Since my mum went through the menopause she is not lonely or interested in men at all and barely tollerates her pet animals company!

That means I have another 30 years of celebacy to go before I reach that calm place. I am now focusing on reasons or lessons to be learned and my top answer is patience, so I am trying to practice patience. Obviously I am not very good at it.

Ive been alone so long now (7 years) and I find my dispair increases with time rather than decresing. The first few years I was ok with it and thought it was good to have time alone and be happy with myself but now I am thouroughly bored of that and really would like some nice male company.

It gets really crap not having anyone to share your dreams and ideals with or to share a loving glance with or hold hands, someone to share joy with and look at the night sky with. It just makes me sad that these experiences are out of my reach. And out of my control as it is up to someone else if they want a relationship with me and there is not much I can do to effect there decision.

The waiting is the worst.



Pikachu
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18 Jan 2009, 8:32 am

I like relationships because I like to have someone there who I can share all aspects of my life, and of course love them, as long as they love me in return it works well, but I don't really know what it truly is to be loved, I know what it feels like but that's only from bits and pieces, not a full relationship

I know someone out there truly loves me and I will find her soon :)


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oli234
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18 Jan 2009, 8:40 am

Quote:
The waiting is the worst.


Very true, but then the worst it gets and the longer you have to wait the better it will be when you do find someone. I know that probably wont make you feel any better right now but it's a nice though.

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I like relationships because I like to have someone there who I can share all aspects of my life, and of course love them, as long as they love me in return it works well, but I don't really know what it truly is to be loved, I know what it feels like but that's only from bits and pieces, not a full relationship

I know someone out there truly loves me and I will find her soon Smile


Yeah positive attitude, I like



BellaDonna
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18 Jan 2009, 8:50 am

Sex and I am not being silly. Alot of people need it.



DivaD
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18 Jan 2009, 8:52 am

it's more than just biological, i find life without relationships utterly meaningless :cry: what's the point in being happy if there's nobody else in the world to share it with? You may as well just be miserable, it saves a lot of energy and effort, and nobody else will ever know.

that's not to say relationships magically make everything wonderful, i’ve had too much experience of them being way too emotionally demanding, wanting and needing you way more than you can cope with. a couple of years ago i went through a succession of emotionally draining relationships, just trying to get away from the loneliness, and i just found myself even more lonely despite being in a relationship. so last year i decided to have a year to myself, which was ok for a bit. then the loneliness set in again.... :cry:

i just wish it wasn't so intense... all the intense drama of full-on relationships just sends me into overload and leaves me stressed out all the time. but the intensity of absolute loneliness and meaninglessness is just as bad. I did have one nice relationship once with another aspie where we'd meet up every so often and do something together then we'd both need a few weeks of dead time to recover. i guess what i need is a part-time relationship. now i've got stevie wonder going round in my head, oh dear 8)



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18 Jan 2009, 9:42 am

Kirska wrote:
oli234 wrote:
I mean having sexual attractions to other people means there will be sex and therefore reproduction

Actually no it doesn't. Birth control is incredibly common and very effective.

Look at it this way. Sexual attraction and reproduction has been around for many millions of years. But effective birth control has been around for only 100 years or so. This refers to methods invented by people, not natural methods like withdrawal. And even natural methods have been around for only a few thousand years. This time frame is just not enough for the evolutionary mechanism to adapt. So the whole process in humans still works as if there are no birth control methods, just as it has been in the animal world for millions of years.



Alla
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18 Jan 2009, 9:49 am

I've thought about this whole love/relationship/reproduction thing quite a bit.I do not think that people enter relationships and fall in love just to reproduce. If this was so, then why is it that gays and lesbians form relationships, and post-menopausal women, as well as people who are infertile? Sure, the majority of people have been taught by society that being in a relationship is the right thing to do because one needs to reproduce, etc., but once that is done, why stay together? Why is it that some couples stay together for a lifetime, even after their children and grandchildren have moved out and built lives for themselves?

I also have a theory related to this, but I know that it is hard for NT people to accept. I believe that aspies are more evolved humans, further away from the animal level. That is why they often have trouble with relationships......because most NTs operate on the lower animalistic level, seeking to reproduce, be protected, etc. Aspies live more in the mind, and are therefore more in tune with their human nature.



Pikachu
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18 Jan 2009, 11:55 am

BellaDonna wrote:
Sex and I am not being silly. Alot of people need it.
it is true a lot of people do need it, but, for me anyway, it only makes up part of the relationship, there has to be some feelings there too, I'd never enter a relationship solely for sex/reproduction/whatever, she'd have to love me and I'd have to love her :)


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