Liking someone you know you will never EVER get.

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hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 3:55 am

Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f*****g OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.



MR_BOGAN
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19 Jan 2009, 4:18 am

The pain is evolutionary traits you have to motivate you to find a mate.

Think about if you have strong feelings for someone that likes you, the pain maybe become pleasure. If you didn't have strong feelings for someone that likes you there wouldn't be much pleasure. So in that way it is a good thing.

There isn't much you can do about it, you will get over it given time.



hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 4:19 am

I already know that... but it doesn't help me now :/



oli234
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19 Jan 2009, 5:02 am

You probably just need to do anything you can to raise you're self-esteem, that's what really gets hurt when you get rejected.



DaLoCo
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19 Jan 2009, 5:06 am

I am in the same situation..

What works for me is to actively control my thoughts. We tend to start obsessing, constantly running scenarios and situations in our minds. This only causes more hurt.

Apart from that, I agree with MR_BOGAN, nothing but time really does the trick....sorry. You are a very beautiful girl, and you might be missing something good because you are obsessing a lost cause.



hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 5:13 am

oli234 wrote:
You probably just need to do anything you can to raise you're self-esteem, that's what really gets hurt when you get rejected.


It isn't really a rejection.. just a crush.. a big one, my bubble is popped as I knew it would, i'm such a fool. All along i've known its pointless, but I can't stop how i feel, it's really hard. :(

Thanks for the replies :)



oli234
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19 Jan 2009, 5:27 am

Well if in you're mind they will never go for you then you probably feel something a bit similar to rejection. I had a problem like this earlier in the year, there was a girl I worked with who I had a major crush on and I could never figure out if she liked me or not. Anyway eventually I just asked her out and she said yes but it soon became apparent she meant no. Now obviously I felt like crap for a couple of weeks, but I'd had this crush for about a year so it was actually really good to just realize it wasn't going to happen so I could stop thinking about her. So my advice is just ask the guy/girl out, take the rejection if you have too, feel like crap for a couple of weeks and then move on with you're life.



DaLoCo
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19 Jan 2009, 5:29 am

hale_bopp wrote:
oli234 wrote:
You probably just need to do anything you can to raise you're self-esteem, that's what really gets hurt when you get rejected.


It isn't really a rejection.. just a crush.. a big one, my bubble is popped as I knew it would, i'm such a fool. All along i've known its pointless, but I can't stop how i feel, it's really hard. :(

Thanks for the replies :)


I hate it when that happens, but at the same time it makes me feel alive. Nothing wrong with a good solid crush every now and then. Just do not let the hurt affect you adversely for you future. One of my biggest crushes ever now lives in NZ, and she is now my best female friend...... though she does not know I was crushed by her.

Just ride it out, and do not be afraid of the next time. You are alive, hot blooded and normal. Don't become a rock pillar for fear of a crush......



hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 5:37 am

oli234 wrote:
Well if in you're mind they will never go for you then you probably feel something a bit similar to rejection. I had a problem like this earlier in the year, there was a girl I worked with who I had a major crush on and I could never figure out if she liked me or not. Anyway eventually I just asked her out and she said yes but it soon became apparent she meant no. Now obviously I felt like crap for a couple of weeks, but I'd had this crush for about a year so it was actually really good to just realize it wasn't going to happen so I could stop thinking about her. So my advice is just ask the guy/girl out, take the rejection if you have too, feel like crap for a couple of weeks and then move on with you're life.


I can't ask the person out, i've just found out they're in a relationship. Anyway, ilke I said, the would never have me, and i am 100% sure of that... so may as well not waste my time.

I hate obsessions.



hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 5:39 am

DaLoCo wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
oli234 wrote:
You probably just need to do anything you can to raise you're self-esteem, that's what really gets hurt when you get rejected.


It isn't really a rejection.. just a crush.. a big one, my bubble is popped as I knew it would, i'm such a fool. All along i've known its pointless, but I can't stop how i feel, it's really hard. :(

Thanks for the replies :)


I hate it when that happens, but at the same time it makes me feel alive. Nothing wrong with a good solid crush every now and then. Just do not let the hurt affect you adversely for you future. One of my biggest crushes ever now lives in NZ, and she is now my best female friend...... though she does not know I was crushed by her.

Just ride it out, and do not be afraid of the next time. You are alive, hot blooded and normal. Don't become a rock pillar for fear of a crush......


well the crush bit me in the arse, and now i'm hurting, the stupid thing is, I knew this day would come eventually... and I didn't make an effort to stop crushing on the person! I don't know why I wasted my time with someone I had no chance with, but dreams are free. My dreams just been popped. I'll get over it, but it's just hard atm ;(



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19 Jan 2009, 5:46 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.
I've been in this situation before, I'm sure we all have

I had strong feelings towards my former best friend at one point a few years ago, and did make that known to her, then when the time did come to ask her on a date she did say no, this would have been not long after I split from my 2nd girlfriend the first time round (it took 2 splits before I finally moved on), it was later I realised that although she liked me a lot too she only saw me as her best friend, this did hurt a while (probably why I ended up back with my 2nd girlfriend until January 2007) but over time this hurt went away, I since have lost her friendship too but want to regain that, but I know I'll never be with her


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19 Jan 2009, 5:48 am

hale_bopp wrote:
well the crush bit me in the arse, and now i'm hurting, the stupid thing is, I knew this day would come eventually... and I didn't make an effort to stop crushing on the person! I don't know why I wasted my time with someone I had no chance with, but dreams are free. My dreams just been popped. I'll get over it, but it's just hard atm ;(


I can understand completely, all I can say from expierence is that You will go let go after while. Your feelings will subside if thats what you want. Just be patient. I felt like a clot because I allowed myself to have a crush on one particular girl. Deep down I knew nothing would come of it. If it's that part of feeling you've done something silly, (it was with me, and if it's with you aswell) than it will subside over time too.



hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 5:48 am

Pikachu wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.
I've been in this situation before, I'm sure we all have

I had strong feelings towards my former best friend at one point a few years ago, and did make that known to her, then when the time did come to ask her on a date she did say no, this would have been not long after I split from my 2nd girlfriend the first time round (it took 2 splits before I finally moved on), it was later I realised that although she liked me a lot too she only saw me as her best friend, this did hurt a while (probably why I ended up back with my 2nd girlfriend until January 2007) but over time this hurt went away, I since have lost her friendship too but want to regain that, but I know I'll never be with her
\

Isn't really the same case with me. I wouldn't mind just being friends with the person. Doesn't even want that.



Arcanyn
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19 Jan 2009, 7:55 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.


I know that feeling far too well.

The only advice I can really give you is to ask yourself, is that person as good as you think they are? Do they truly warrant your feeling that way towards them? It's very easy when you like someone to see them with rose-tinted glasses, to ignore their faults and see only the things you like about them; when in reality they may not be all that special if you were truly able to see them objectively. I've certainly been guilty of that before; this is an extreme example which hopefully isn't applicable in your case, but I once fell in love with a psychopath, and despite all the signs and evidence of these tendencies (which were in hindsight, blatantly obvious), my feelings for this person blinded me to these things. And then, even when I did see that person for who they were, it still took me years to finally get over those feelings I had. Rejection by that person really hurt, despite the fact that they were thoroughly evil, because my feelings gave me an unrealistic picture of who that person was. The reality was I was much better off without that person. Now, as I said, that's an extreme case, and I hope you never meet anyone like that, but the point I'm making is that you should ask yourself if the feelings you have represent an accurate picture of how the person really is. Have they really done anything to give you sufficient evidence to be justified in believing that there's a strong chance that you would be happy with them if they did accept you? Can you be really sure that you haven't exaggerated the positives about them in your mind? If you have exaggerated their good points, then you aren't missing out on what you thought you were missing out on. If someone is quick to reject you, it's probably a good sign that they aren't as good as you think they are.

I don't expect this to magically make the pain go away, but from my experience at least, trying to objectively scrutinise one's feelings can make them fade if they can be shown to be unjustified - though it does take some time after realising 'hey, this person is no good for me after all, I'm not really missing anything afterall', before the feelings truly go away.

Anyway, I hope this helps.



Last edited by Arcanyn on 19 Jan 2009, 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

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19 Jan 2009, 8:01 am

I don't know if this is much of a contribution or if it's fully relevant but I'm only attracted to people or characters I can never meet and I know what you mean - it hurts so much :?


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BadMachine
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19 Jan 2009, 8:39 am

Sorry, but I've to smile, and I certainly don't mean to show any lack of empathy.
But this has got to be the oldest problem for mankind; also known as a broken heart.. .

The bad news is even age I'm afraid to confirm provides no immunity.

The nearest I've come to mitigating the 'pain' is to follow the Bhuddist teaching;all pain is caused by desire, therefore if you minimise / educate the desire element the 'pain' is not experienced.

Maybe not the answer you are looking for but belive me it can help :wink: