Do you remember your early childhood?

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Sola
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19 Jan 2009, 8:41 pm

Did you FEEL then, that you were 'different' than the other kids. Did you FEEL isolated? Did you FEEL like you did not UNDERSTAND how they knew how to 'do playground things' while you didn't know HOW to join in. Do you remember those feelings? From Kindergarten on I remember feeling 'on the outside'. It's never left me. I remember fifth grade when I went to a new school, every day, even in winter, I would read a book by the side of the building by myself. I FEEL like I was insulating myself inside the book. I could not figure out how 'to have the same kind of fun' that the other kids were having on the playground. It made me feel 'inferior'. Even then, I hyperfocused on specific thought patterns, abnormally, and what I focused on was not healthy for my mind. But I could not help it.

Anyway, I was just wondering, if others in the autistic spectrum remember childhood social isolation?



Keirts
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19 Jan 2009, 8:59 pm

What I remember mostly from my childhood schoolyard days was going waaay off to the corner of the playground, as far as I could get from the other children. I'd lay there on a bleacher all recess and fantasize about having my own castles and armies, invent formations for them, rules of conduct, build entire kingdoms in my head. By the time I got to middle school, I'd just sneak away for the lunch hour and wander alone in the streets because I had no real freinds there, and the thought of wandering the playground alone with everyone staring at the "loner kid" was horrifying to me. I didn't simply not socialize, I actively sought out the isolation.


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pandd
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19 Jan 2009, 10:18 pm

I remember my early child-hood somewhat.

I first had a feeling of difference that seemed natural because I was the youngest in the household - I just thought I was different because I was little, just as my sister was different to my parents, I was different to my parents and sister.

When I went to kindergarden, I was confused by all the activity and unable to figure out how to participate or play. I thought this was being young and new, but eventually other new children younger than me joined the kindergarden and they were able to join in and participate and knew how to play and talk to the other children. That was when I first understood that there was some undefinable (to me at the time) difference between myself and others.



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19 Jan 2009, 10:27 pm

I always knew I was different. Even my mom knew this. I felt such a relief when we figured out I had the PDD. I never fit in. I dotn talk much. It takes me a while to warm up and start having a good time.


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elderwanda
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19 Jan 2009, 10:48 pm

My memories of kindergarten (in 1972) don't involve other children at all, expect knowing that one girl's name began with the letter X, and that one girl told me I looked funny with my eyes closed. I remember playing by myself a lot, but I didn't see that as a problem. For all I know, all the kids were playing by themselves. I didn't feel different, but I can't say that I felt the same as them either. I don't think I had any interest in them one way or another.

I do remember feeling nervous sometimes, like I was doing something wrong. The comment about me looking funny with my eyes closed had a big impact. I only slept with my face to the wall for years after that. I also remember the teacher getting mad at me when I said, "My mommy said President Nixon is a liar," and feeling nervous a lot after that.

During the rest of elementary school I felt like other kids had been born knowing how to play kickball and four-square. I was aware that many, many other kids did things that I didn't want to do, and didn't know how to do, like playing games together on the yard. I suppose I felt different then, but I didn't have any desire to join them, or any feeling that I was supposed to want to join them.

Looking back at it, I now understand that kids typically show a lot more interest in other kids than I did, but I didn't have any idea of that at the time. My mother was no more social that I was, so she didn't act like there was anything strange about me. In fact, maybe I did socialize somewhat, but if I did, it meant nothing to me, and I don't remember it.



lionesss
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19 Jan 2009, 10:52 pm

Funny how my speech was delayed but yet at 4 years old I walked around saying "I'm different". And yes I remember lots of things.. before I was even 2.



Mudboy
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20 Jan 2009, 1:37 am

I remember a lot of events from my entire life. People act like I am a freak when I tell about my early memories,


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20 Jan 2009, 2:03 am

I was about three when I knew I was different. I was kept to myself and sometimes I engaged with other kids by playing. If they were playing kitchen, I would play kitchen too but I wasn't playing along with them. They were just there. I think the first time I ever had a friend was a little girl who lived across the street from me and she came over a lot and hung out. I followed her around and played with her roller skates.

I can remember my grandmother telling me a story when I was 10 that when I was a little girl, I tried to play with these kids but they didn't want me and I kept trying to fit in and I just got frustrated because I couldn't talk and understand them and they couldn't understand me.



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20 Jan 2009, 2:06 am

I remember a couple of things, but largely I don't remember much at all.

I don't remember feeling different at all. That didn't hit until much later. At least 16 years old. It didn't really hit until I was 19 or so.

In social/emotional development I'm pretty out of sync and only now am I starting to feel like I'm catching up to where I should have been in middle school.

For the most part I envision my childhood as a big wave thats crashing around me, while I'm like a buoy just rocking and floating not really aware of all the madness that's going on around me.

I don't know if I always had this sense of detachment.... it seems to always have been with me... but I think as a child I was more in touch with my self. There wasn't this separation between who I am and what I am thinking... I just did what I wanted to without much regard for what I was thinking about... it all happened together. I kind of want that 'auto-pilot' back...


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20 Jan 2009, 2:14 am

Sola wrote:
Did you FEEL then, that you were 'different' than the other kids. Did you FEEL isolated? Did you FEEL like you did not UNDERSTAND how they knew how to 'do playground things' while you didn't know HOW to join in. Do you remember those feelings? From Kindergarten on I remember feeling 'on the outside'. It's never left me. I remember fifth grade when I went to a new school, every day, even in winter, I would read a book by the side of the building by myself. I FEEL like I was insulating myself inside the book. I could not figure out how 'to have the same kind of fun' that the other kids were having on the playground. It made me feel 'inferior'. Even then, I hyperfocused on specific thought patterns, abnormally, and what I focused on was not healthy for my mind. But I could not help it.

Anyway, I was just wondering, if others in the autistic spectrum remember childhood social isolation?


Yes, I do and well. Since I was very little. Maybe some people were oblivious to theirs.. but I felt uncomfortable and left out from a very young age. Kindergarten.



jmark13
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20 Jan 2009, 2:15 am

This is my first post, so I hope I do it right :)

My memories go far back to about when I was 3-6 months old- I have a decent memory of my first birthday party and things from before I could walk. I remember being bathed around 3-6 months old and not enjoying the feel of water or it's temperature. When I was three, I was finally able to communicate that my baths were too hot for me- I have always been sensitive to the sound of loud running water as well.

In pre-school, I discovered wooden blocks and everyday stacked them as high as I could in patterns. I generally did not associate with the other children at this time. There were a couple other kids who wanted to use the blocks as well, this upset me more than anything else, I grew accustomed to one boy mainly because he didn't interfere with my building and kept to himself. I was very upset to learn that the blocks I had in preschool were not available during my first year of kindergarten. They did have big blocks, and that was ok and I played with those in response. My second year of kindergarten there were no blocks at all, so I was extremely upset over this, but I moved on. I enjoyed show and tell very much, but every year something I really enjoyed about school was taken away and replaced with something I didn't enjoy nearly as much until I became completely disassociated with school altogether and began self-learning programs independent of the system. I never understood I was different until I was about 13. By this time I had been writing music for about 3 years already and realized most other kids didn't do this type of activity. I had always wanted to be included in groups, never had a problem with being initiated because of my willingness to be a part of things, but I have never been able to keep up the pace of social interaction and understanding.



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20 Jan 2009, 2:31 am

^Welcome to WP. :)



The earliest thing I can remember is my kindergarden teacher chasing me down the hall in her wheelchair. I was on a tri-cycle, and I remember her electric chair being pretty fast. :lol: I don't remember any more detail though, like "why" she was chasing me. I don't have very good re-call of my early youth. :scratch:


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poopylungstuffing
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20 Jan 2009, 2:35 am

Certain bits and pieces really stick out pretty vividly, but there is a lot that doesn't.

I recall getting in trouble in school a lot but I never understood why.
I have several recollections of the many different pre-schools I attended.

Um..

I recall wandering around the neighborhood by myself at an early age.



twosheds
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20 Jan 2009, 2:42 am

I remember being aware that I was a loner as early as preschool. I wasn't lonely though. I just found most of the other kids' play fairly uninteresting, and confusing at times as well (although I attributed that mainly to popular culture references which I was happy to remain oblivious to). For several years I thought all of this was because I was smarter than everyone else.

I had a small number of friends during my early school years, and wasn't particularly interested in making more. I don't remember ever being the one to initiate a friendship. Unless someone else approached me, I'd be perfectly content to spend recess alone on the playground.



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20 Jan 2009, 3:17 am

It seems that all my earliest memories are from kindergarden. I still remember going out to a pond and collecting frogs eggs, then putting them in a huge jar. After a couple weeks they turned into tadpoles, and then eventually, into frogs. It was a pretty cool project as a kid, and another of the few things that I remember at that age. :)


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