Communicating Love Video

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As I explained to the Asperger's LJ community:

About six years ago, I realized how hard it is for me to put in words and vocalize very strong emotions. Words just don't seem to adequate to express me at times. This has led to many miscommunications, including with loved ones who think that I am cold and unfeeling, because I don't express gratitude and love for things like gifts and things that I DO feel love and gratitude about. I just don't know how to put in words the depth of my feelings.

Since I've discovered this, I've been drawing and typing my emotions to express them. I've even created little cards to put up on my door, or place somewhere where the person can find them, if I am unable to give it to them directly.
I find that it's more personal if I make them myself, and that occasionally I am embarrassed about my feelings.

Anyways, I hang out on the Autism Acceptance Project forums (http://autism-forum.co.uk), helping out parents and discussing various issues. Most of the parents there have young autistic and aspie children whom may or may not be communicating, or haven't discovered alternative communicating methods.

I wanted to let them know how thankful I am that these parents are accepting and unconditionally loving to their children, and how supportive they've been.

So I made a video and put it up on YouTube, and I wanted to share it and know what you all think.

[youtube]http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=f7Frgv5x450[/youtube]

the link in case you want to post a comment on youtube.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=f7Frgv5x450

That was very sweet, and you have a great attitude.

I think it's important for all of us to try to appreciate those that care about us, even if we are frequently misunderstood. This forum could probably use more of that in general.

Thanks, I try my best.

It helps to try and think like a parent. I think that a lot of the parents who aren't very accepting are simply lost in their desperation (due to misinformation about autism) that they'll cling to anything that claims release from the sudden "misery" and "hopelessness" that they've been flung into. To be perfectly honest, I also think that the doctors who diagnose us has the responsibility to educate the parents and give them a full, wide view as to the full spectrum, not just give them the news. I think a lot of grief could be avoided that way and parents would be more open to accept us as we are.


Anyways. Yes, it is important to recognize those that care, as it encourages them and tells them what they're doing RIGHT!

That was a really nice video and well done!
It's good that you've come to terms with things and are expressing yourself.

I think that it's important to express love even if my family doesn't.

Please don't take offense, but my family seems to run on a completely different "operating system" to most other families. I'm still trying to get my head around them all!

I'm very sorry, but my parents don't think like this at all!

My parents are brutally honest and take a "tough love approach". Strong emotions seem completely irrelevant to them and all of our family: we're just supposed to just "get on with things" and not worry about trivial "feelings". Our lives revolve around tasks that have to be done and objects that have to be moved.

Love is taken as a given: my family simply don't feel the need to tell us how we feel and embellish it every minute of the day. That's why they feel puzzled and annoyed if someone asks us: "How did it make you feel?". It seems almost alien and irrelevant to them.

My family does practical, not emotional support. Other people have been shocked when I've talked about this, but it's true! Then they say that mine and my family's views are "strange" and I'm bewildered!

This is why my parents never go to the "lovey dovey" section of greetings cards shops: the messages simple make no sense to them. According to my family, relatives are people to be "put up with" and have money extracted from, not "cherished" .

My family go for the satirical and humourous cards that lampoon relationships. Relationships? They're all completely clueless . That's how we "rub along": we laugh at how "dysfunctional" we are, that's how we cope. It's better than the alternative: talking over each other and arguing. We can't ever sit down and have sensible heart to heart discussions at all. It's like talking to a brick wall: I have to compete with everyone else's monologues to be heard!

I feel like I'm living inside a badly written sitcom sometimes. It's not bad, it's just a different way of coping: we satirise ourselves. Because none of us can "chat" we release the tension by making jokes.



My parents just tell me to stop sniveling and "pull myself together" because the doctors are "wrong". My parents have never seen me as a miserable or hopeless person, just someone who's been put down by other people who don't understand who I really am or how I think. My parents have never seen anything wrong with me: just someone who needs a jolly good proverbial "kick up the backside".

They've had lots of social problems and been good at systemisation/hoarding things in their lives. So have other members of the family. We see ourselves as normal. I'm just a distilled version of my parents characters. They don't want me to be labeled and stigmatised ever again.



I agree. This sounds like a very sensible approach. Sadly this wasn't the case in my situation.

My doctors confused my parents because no-one knew what to do with me or what AS really was all those years ago. There was hardly any sensible information available at all.

My parents accept me as I am, they always have done: they'll never accept me with an AS label attached though. My parents have never wanted to see me as a list of negative, disparaging criteria but as "me". That's why they were offended and shocked when I was labeled. People were avoiding me and denying me academic/extracurricular opportunities because I was labeled. That's why my parents fought against the dx for years.

They don't want me to be labeled and stigmatised ever again, because the help I received was counterproductive and incredibly condescending. They thought it was doing me more harm than good. They believe that people are just labeling themselves when there's no need for it. I have been told by many people not to "stigmatise myself" even if I have social difficulties. I should just cope because "that's life".

My family said that the world would be a much better place if people weren't labeled and were just allowed to get on with their own lives in peace, accepted as the unique individuals that they really are.

My parents believe that everyone is on a spectrum of one sort or another and that the whole concept is a nonsense. They've believed this for over 10 years.

I'm sorry I'm just giving you the views of my parents and family. I'm not being deliberately arkward: it's all true.
Not all perspectives are the same.

I don't take offense. I totally recognize that I'm not addressing all family structures here. I haven't figured out how to address those structures and "operating" systems.
But I find trying to think in the different ways helps to figure out what to say to them. Some families are easier than others. But sometimes there are things that you just need to say, even if it's just to say it, to make sure that they know. That's what I'm trying to do. Of course, not all of what I say is applicable to all people and families.

Thank you for sharing about your family. I think it's good to share our views, to broaden our knowledge.

I'm not entirely sure how to describe my own family, otherwise I would return the gesture and tell you about mine.

No problem.
It's good to exchange points of view.

Can I just say that you certainly don't look cold and unfeeling to me (judging from the photo anyway). I have met cold, unfeeling and condescending people, who never smiled and you don't resemble any of them in the slightest.

What I was trying to say, albeit in a convoluted way is that my family never ever accuse each other of being "cold and unfeeling". The fact that any of us had to openly express our feelings simply never occurred to us. We thought that this whole:

"Honey can I talk with you a moment?"
Thing, only occurred on Soap Operas or Break-Fast Cereal Adverts.
We simply don't talk like that!

We're not bad people at all, we just deal with things in a different way and have a different style of communicating. Actually, I'm sure many other families are the same way.

I also speculate that there are lots of people out there who have been unaware of AS their entire lives and just "got on with things", who don't want to be labeled.

As for my family, they are certainly...interesting.

I come from a country where there is still a lot of ignorance surrounding AS and not much constructive help available. (Just to put things into perspective). I sincerely hope that things are better where you are.

Heh. I chose that picture to be warm.

I don't get called cold and unfeeling a lot, basically when I fail to communicate appreciation and related feelings when it's appropriate. I guess I assume that my feelings are felt, that I don't need to show my feelings all the time. But I guess my parents, well, my mom, has become accustomed to NT society that it's a part of her rules.

I have trouble expressing anger too, now that I think about it. I tend to swallow it. And it goes away.

oh goodness, soap opera conversations NEVER take place, it's so fake!!

I didn't get diagnosed with AS until Grade 12, so we were relying on my earlier diagnosis of Learning Disabilities and ADHD to get me accommodations at school. That's basically it.
Mom had us (my brother and I) fully integrated into regular classrooms, so we more or less know how to get around in society, even if we think it's all weird.

Personally, I think all families are interesting, in various degrees.