How to approach a friend you haven't seen in almost two year

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Heartcooksbrain
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23 Jan 2009, 4:43 am

The title says it all.. I have a real good friend I haven't seen in years, but he remains in the same city as me. My lifestyle both forced and of choice have left me somewhat antisocial for the two years we've been apart, and I'm finally ready to get out and relax with those around me. Thing is, I don't know how to approach this. He has requested we hang out multiple times on messenger throughout the years, but I've either flaked, or didn't respond due to anxiety, and knowing it won't be able to happen even if I tried to meet up. This is probably why he doesn't send me anymore IM's. How do I ask one of my old best friends to hang out with me after so long of not talking and what do I say? Do I just IM him up and say "hey come to my place, I want to chill with you." or something along those lines?



ValMikeSmith
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23 Jan 2009, 5:59 am

Well, if you are really ready to see him and not so anxious to panic and run away from seeing him again I suppose you can invite him to hang out just like that but be ready to explain (the truth is good and hopefully he would understand) why you avoided or were nervous about seeing him for 2 years. If you two had a lot to talk about or do in the past then I think it probably can continue where it left off because I have a few friends that I haven't seen in years that haven't forgotten me.

There's a chance that he's changed and might not want to hang out because he got very busy, or found a girl that he pays a lot of attention to (and maybe has a baby), or hangs out with new friends a lot. But if you don't know then you'll find out about any things like that.

If the truth was that you felt like your friend was almost a stranger and you were nervous about seeing him for that reason but you are not as nervous anymore then you could probably simplify the reason as "it was a stressful time in your life". Maybe you felt like you had to hide something about your life from him, in which case I don't know whether you still feel that way or not.



tomamil
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23 Jan 2009, 7:56 am

the truth is the best, there is nothing wrong about the reasons you mentioned.

i would write him this email:

I know you have requested we hang out multiple times on messenger throughout the years, but I've either flaked, or didn't respond due to anxiety, and knowing it won't be able to happen even if I tried to meet up. My lifestyle both forced and of choice have left me somewhat antisocial for the two years we've been apart, and I'm finally ready to get out and relax with you. I apologize, could you forgive me, please?


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Timeo hominem unius libri, I fear the man of one book, St. Thomas Aquinas.


Heartcooksbrain
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23 Jan 2009, 8:38 am

tomamil wrote:
the truth is the best, there is nothing wrong about the reasons you mentioned.

i would write him this email:

I know you have requested we hang out multiple times on messenger throughout the years, but I've either flaked, or didn't respond due to anxiety, and knowing it won't be able to happen even if I tried to meet up. My lifestyle both forced and of choice have left me somewhat antisocial for the two years we've been apart, and I'm finally ready to get out and relax with you. I apologize, could you forgive me, please?


That's a good idea. I was thinking about the same thing. I could edit it up a bit... It does sound intriguing. Thanks tomamil!