What are late 30's early 40's women suppose to be like?

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I've struggled with this myself. I'm a 37 year old woman, married twice, have 3 stepchildren and 2 biological children. I'm often told that physically I don't look my age, but OTOH, I can no longer wear the really 'young' clothing because it just looks wrong on me. I suspect I'm a bit Aspie, my son definitely is and when I look at my life patterns I think I have some traits, so it's taken me awhile to figure out 'who i am', as a person and in how I dress.

I've found a number of online and catalog stores that I now purchase from. I try to keep it casual yet have a few things in my wardrobe for school meetings or dinners, my husband has a fairly 'important job' so sometimes I have to have the businessman wife look goin' on.....I think it's definitely an aura you project, but when you're not feeling very secure the 'right' outfit can help.

One idea....believe it or not, watch 'what not to wear'. they're brilliant, seriously. i've gotten a lot of tips from them. Start subscribing to magazines that are geared towards women in their 30s and 40s, you can see how they dress their models. Finally, get an age appropriate haircut.

Other than that, it's most important to be comfortable in your own skin.....people like people who are individuals, as noted above.

some places i like: athleta. garnet hill. rei. boston proper. cAbi. nordstrom. i think H & M has some good items, but I don't live near one, have only been to once or twice. Oh! Banana Republic. Ann Taylor Loft.

accessorizing and a couple of nice jackets can dress up anything.

also, Dansko shoes are great, and everyone woman should have a good pair of casual heels (like boots or something).

Well, for appearance: go for sophistication instead of trying to preserve youth like Marie Osmond and the other celebs. You can let your hair go gray but ALWAYS have an impeccably sophisticated style that matches your face shape. Show less skin UNLESS it's under lace or a type of net-like material. Go with more expensive perfumes. Small to medium sized jewelry.
Use gentle dyes or dipilatories for unwanted facial hair. Wear comfortable but fashionable foot wear. If you wear glasses or bifocals invest in tint and invisible line bifocals with a nice frame - nothing too thick - don't let the saleperson push something ugly on you because it is on sale. Use just enough make-up not too much. Do weight-bearing exercises and aerobics. Eat healthy. Be "healthy" not "sexy". There is nothing more unattractive than an old sexpot. We can't compete with college-aged girls unless we are them. Keep your mind clean and your mouth too. NEVER use foul language no matter how mad you get. Always remain calm as if you have a gun under your coat. Be cool like Condaleeza Rice. talk your way through difficulties.
For mind: Embrace your religious faith. If you have none, read and learn about Buddhist compassion. We get only one life, make the best of it. If you are lonely, give of yourself through volunteering to help the needy. You need not give money, just your time. We are all lost without God in our lives. Take some courses to keep yourself saavy about what the younger people are learning at school. They are our competition for jobs. You must be one step ahead. Take classes that you like as well...maybe these were subjects you were interested in a long time ago but never took because they had nothing to do with your career.
Enjoy nature's beauty, for example...enjoy the appearance of a frozen lake, "listen" to chirping birds, barking dogs. Notice all the diversity in nature. Suck up as much as you can of this living earth as if next week was your last. If you have spare cash, take a trip. BUT stay safe!!
Pick a cause and become the elder, sophisticated activist with age, wisdom, and knowledge behind you. Pay attention to posts and replies from "Anemone". If you can, bond with same -aged individuals and discuss music and all of those things that only your own generation can relate to. Stop and smell the roses. Do a lot of free things but "hold on" to your money more than you may have when you were younger. If you are going to spend it, really think about it.
Don't waste your cash. Go to book discussions and free-library activities. Have more intellectual relationships with the opposite sex as opposed to sexual ones. Cook new things from cookbooks.
If you feel maternal but have no kids, nurture a pet. Maybe become an animal rights activist as well.

Thanks for sharing that, I loved reading it. Did you write it yourself?

Thanks RightGalaxy for the ideas. Some of them though are impossible a lot of us don't have tons of money to pay for classes.

Making friends my own age is impossible because I never seen another soul my age in this town. There's a huge generation gap in this town. All we have are college kids and retired professors and Navajo elders in our town. Nothing in between. As for being friends with someone of the opposite sex that's impossible too because if I even so much as smile or act nice to a guy they leave love notes on my dryer at the laundrymat or ask me out on date when they wait my table. My experience at least is you can't be friends with males past high school age without them demanding sex. I would much rather hang out with guys as I like things they like such as fishing, sci-fi, mechanics, quantum physics, etc but they always expect dating and sex.

I do agree with you about looking ones age instead of like Marie Osmond or Valerie Bertinelli being older women and wearing skintight teenybopper clothes. I also dislike the look of women who cover the gray hairs. Actually a lot of men and women look very distinguished with gray or salt and pepper hair. I was upset at first when I started seeing gray hairs but actually I'm kinda excited because its not gray but white hairs and a full head of white hair on someone of Native American decent always looks cool. My greatgrandpa had hair like that and looked very distinguished.

Not every man expects dating and sex from a woman so I think you have just been unfortunate so far in who you have met and it may indeed be the case if you live in a small rurual community.
For a long time I automatically thought that every female only expected dating and sex until I met somebody who actually had a mind. It was an earth shattering event for me.

At my age, men don't push for sex. They're more interested in a good nurse.

I just want to be valued for my intelligence and personality. And not be stalked anymore for any reason.

Now I'm wondering about sock color? If you wear say dark brown leather casual shoes should you wear dark socks like black or navy, should you wear a color to match your shirt and is it ever okay to wear white socks with dark shoes?

With brown shoes I wear brown or dark beige socks. Black and blue don't go with brown. Neither does grey. White socks are for a sports look, and suitable with sports shoes, not dressy ones.

For black shoes I like dark grey socks.

There's an age-limit on jeans? But that's who I am.

If all you want to do is look at clothes, how about dismissal time at the local elementary school? Well, maybe not so much in the winter. Maybe the grocery store when they're rushing home from work?

But sometimes putting on certain clothes puts you in that mood. Like, they say you should get dressed when you call for a job interview, that it shows in your voice... That, and while you're watching the local fashion show, you might also watch for an attitude?

OK, so I refuse to look 40. I wear playful, hip clothes. I have fun and I get artsy. I don't care about style or how I appear to others.

The deal is.. The older we get, the better most of us can compensate from having AS.

Still, we tend to be 1/3-2/3 younger than we actually are chronologically. That's just our emotional age.

I'm just going to be me. I can't compromise myself for some fake reason to make fake friends.

I know that's what everyone says, but everyone is wrong. I resent it. I'm a 52 year old swan, and they want to judge me by duck standards. It devalues the most important parts of me. Putting on a persona and clothes so that you fit in is one thing, but you don't need to internalize it.

I agree. Just because Aspies are known for being immature doesn't mean that all of us are that way or want to appear that way even though maybe we are. I want to be treated like a mature adult, not like a teenager and not like a ret*d. And I don't like using AS as an excuse for anything.

It's interesting as an outsider to see that a 'be like' question has largely turned into a fashion thread of 'looking like' and this perhaps is a trap we all fall into of trying to project an image outward that represents what we are on the inside. I suppose that's actually why fashion was invented in the first place.
Anyway sorry for the babble but just couldn't resist.

I'm arguing with the definition of "maturity." I HAVE matured in dimensions they'll never dream of. I'm just not good at social skills. Not for lack of trying or lack of experience. It's like being 4' 8" and being mistaken for a child, except that in this case, they condemn you for it. I'm not a duck. I'm a swan. This IS mature for a swan. The volume of social calculations I've made in the past half-century would boggle their little NT minds, if they had any. THEY are the ones who need to grow up and try a little thinking.

I really like JJill and they always have things on sale. You won't look like a 20 year old but you won't look frumpy either. Plus, their sizes are consistent, so if you know you're a size 6, you can order any pair of pants in a size 6 and it will fit. Some of the waistlines are a little below the belly button but not too low like the "kids stuff".

Sadly, they are owned by Talbots, and it's rumored they are in financial trouble.

http://www.jjill.com