What do you do when you know she is doing it on purpose

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aeroz
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29 Jan 2009, 11:45 pm

Ok I used to be... involved with this girl. I still care deeply for her, but after the crap she pulled I'd sooner headbutt a wall then get into a serious relationship with her. That being said there is still something there. I have of course explained to her the typical things. Like how I have trouble reading her and will often missunderstand. Unfortunately her responce amounted to "good". She wants me to have no idea what she is thinking and this makes things hard for me as I have absolutely no idea how to respond to anything she does. I am mostly worried I'd like, missread her and kiss her or something.



jawbrodt
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30 Jan 2009, 12:14 am

Sounds like she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. :chin:


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KaliMa
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30 Jan 2009, 12:14 am

Frankly, if she wants to play games she can go play with herself, IMO. I'm sorry you care for someone like that. I assume she's NT, they're always hard to read.

If she respected you she wouldn't use your disability as a power play or an amusement or whatever her motivation is. She would go the extra yard to meet you where' you're at if she cared about you. I say good riddance to bad rubbish, but I'm sorry about your emotions.


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sgrannel
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30 Jan 2009, 2:21 am

Complicated details can only be shared by talking anyway. It's unreasonable for anyone to expect you to telepathically understand things about her that she didn't discuss. People in close relationships talk about things, that's how they know. Sounds like she doesn't want a close relationship with you and perhaps this is for the better. NTs have their issues, too. Quite frankly, I'd rather have mine than some of theirs.


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aeroz
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30 Jan 2009, 2:11 pm

I dont want a close relationship with her, she is more trouble then she is worth in that respect. We are friends and I want it to stay like that. But even just as friends she is making it hard



computerlove
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01 Feb 2009, 11:26 pm

aeroz wrote:
I dont want a close relationship with her, she is more trouble then she is worth in that respect. We are friends and I want it to stay like that. But even just as friends she is making it hard

dude, to hell with her, even as friends, to hell with her.


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Pugly
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02 Feb 2009, 12:07 am

If she is acting like this, what I would do is just act completely indifferent to her completely. Just do whatever you want to do... don't have any care for what she is thinking... because she is making this difficult for me.

Do all the strange socially awkward things you want around her... because it really doesn't matter. If you can't play the game, take yourself out of the game... or start playing a different game.

Misread her and kiss her... do whatever. (within reason of course... nothing illegal... just bizarre things.)

*I am extremely unsuccessful with women... this advice will only help you reduce your stress levels and have a little fun.


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02 Feb 2009, 7:35 am

If she's playing a game with you with rules you don't understand, leave, you're just a toy for her.


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Butterflair
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02 Feb 2009, 7:56 am

aeroz wrote:
I dont want a close relationship with her, she is more trouble then she is worth in that respect. We are friends and I want it to stay like that. But even just as friends she is making it hard

It shouldn't be hard to have a friend. It doesn't sound like she cares enough to meet you halfway. She wants to play head games with you. You'd be better off to move on and let it go and you never know, she might come to you wanting you back when you act like you don't care. Aloofness drives women nuts. Aspies seem to be able to play hard to get without playing at all.


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billsmithglendale
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02 Feb 2009, 1:34 pm

My advice is a synthesis of what other people have wrote, all of which were good replies:

A) This girl is trouble, and not worth the mental anguish. Take the passion and worry out of your relationship. If you can handle pulling a mind game back on her, start acting disinterested, it will blow her mind. Just don't let anything she does effect you. If you don't mind using someone for sex, I would say that you could actually get physical and just user her for sexual relief (assuming she wants to get physical with you), then easily cut it off when you want to.

B) If it is too much mental anguish (and you're not the type of person to play games with someone), cut her off completely or minimize your time with her. Life is too short to waste on crummy people.



ToadOfSteel
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02 Feb 2009, 1:47 pm

Butterflair wrote:
Aloofness drives women nuts. Aspies seem to be able to play hard to get without playing at all.


I didn't have that experience... by not caring, the only women that chased me were the ones that wanted my brainpower, since I could actually deal with the course material...



Pugly
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02 Feb 2009, 2:11 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Butterflair wrote:
Aloofness drives women nuts. Aspies seem to be able to play hard to get without playing at all.


I didn't have that experience... by not caring, the only women that chased me were the ones that wanted my brainpower, since I could actually deal with the course material...


It works, but you need something for the woman to be interested in the first place.

Of course after a certain point they'll lose interest too... so you have to be aware of that as well.


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02 Feb 2009, 10:58 pm

Butterflair wrote:
aeroz wrote:
I dont want a close relationship with her, she is more trouble then she is worth in that respect. We are friends and I want it to stay like that. But even just as friends she is making it hard

It shouldn't be hard to have a friend. It doesn't sound like she cares enough to meet you halfway. She wants to play head games with you. You'd be better off to move on and let it go and you never know, she might come to you wanting you back when you act like you don't care. Aloofness drives women nuts. Aspies seem to be able to play hard to get without playing at all.



I know what you mean by this. There are women that have liked me in the past that expect me to like them in return. When I don't pay enough attention to them, don't talk to them that much, or whatever, they either think I'm playing hard to get, assume I'm gay, or some other nonsense.