Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Padium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,369

07 Feb 2009, 8:06 pm

Why is it that most things I do I end up hating myself for afterwards. I look back on my past and can't help but think how much more foolish I was a day, week, month, year, 2 years, etc ago... Will this cycle of feeling like an idiot for my past ever end? I also say this as I can't help but make a fool of myself in almost everything I do... Even here sometimes I regret posting some of the stuff I do, but not often.



Aalto
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 392
Location: W. Yorks, UK

07 Feb 2009, 8:17 pm

I don't know, but I have that. Possibly because I really do do some daft things? When I realise them I give myself a fresh start of flawless being and the cycle will repeat itself within an hour.



lyricalillusions
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 651
Location: United States

07 Feb 2009, 8:18 pm

Try not to feel so bad about yourself. Nothing comes of putting yourself down. Especially if you're the type of person who gets put down by other people, like me. You should try to feel good about the positive things that you've done, not bad about the negative. You're really young, & the sooner you realize this, the better. My problem is that I don't feel as bad about things as I probably should. Things that make others feel bad about themselves really don't bother me because I know (or feel) like it wasn't my fault & I did what I could. The things that make me feel bad are things that I haven't done (lack of life experience, etc.) & even then, I know it's not my fault. I have valid reasons for being the way that I am & I'm sure you do too.


_________________
?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.? _Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)


anonOS
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 70

07 Feb 2009, 8:19 pm

Spending time hating ones past, is less productive than trying to make ones future better, and thus not hating your past in the future.

Certainly judging ones past it is easy to hate oneself as you have learned and grown since then (ie its easy to hate oneself for being bad at something, before you learned to do it well).

I know that I often dwell on my less than admirable accomplishments of the past, but I try to channel than energy into being productive for the future.



Padium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,369

07 Feb 2009, 8:21 pm

I don't hate myself, I just hate who I was before now... Give me 10 minutes and I will hate who I was now... In fact this post will probably be the reason for that :lol:

My hatred for my past is part of why I push my way into the future to become the person I was meant to be so strongly. It is what fuels me to better who I am.



millie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2008
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,154

07 Feb 2009, 8:22 pm

Quote:
Padium wrote:
Why is it that most things I do I end up hating myself for afterwards. I look back on my past and can't help but think how much more foolish I was a day, week, month, year, 2 years, etc ago... Will this cycle of feeling like an idiot for my past ever end? I also say this as I can't help but make a fool of myself in almost everything I do... Even here sometimes I regret posting some of the stuff I do, but not often.


oh dear, Padium. Your past is you. you are your experiences and if you loathe them you carry that rather dubious energy around with you.
if you cannot love your past - then at least try to accept it.

you are a good kid and i love your enthusiasm. do not be hard on yourself.
and keep doing the things that make you YOU no matter what anyone says.

:wink:



Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,559
Location: New England

07 Feb 2009, 8:24 pm

I've had those feelings. I'd feel bad about things that happened to me in the past even though I should let things go. I sometimes get upset for days if I say the wrong thing to a person and it didn't go well. Even simple things like that. I always have the mentality of thinking, I wish I could do that over. I know we all have that feeling from time to time. The best thing I can do is to think about the future and not dwell on the past, even though it may be tough to shake off those feelings.



Postperson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2004
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,023
Location: Uz

07 Feb 2009, 8:24 pm

There is only folly for human beings. It's just a question of what kind of fool you are, and knowing it.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

07 Feb 2009, 8:28 pm

Yeah, I feel the same way especially if those mistakes in the past have affected the way I see myself today. I didn't finish all years of highschool, didn't try to socialise, and didn't have an after school job, which could have helped me get better work. Don't even get me started on relationships.
I remain a single unemployed social misfit that's still lives at home.



Padium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,369

07 Feb 2009, 8:39 pm

pensieve wrote:
Yeah, I feel the same way especially if those mistakes in the past have affected the way I see myself today. I didn't finish all years of highschool, didn't try to socialise, and didn't have an after school job, which could have helped me get better work. Don't even get me started on relationships.
I remain a single unemployed social misfit that's still lives at home.


For me those things that are a weakness for most people, reasons to hate oneself, I just cannot hate myself for, so I instead treat my past like a different person and remove myself from it, and it is my hate for my past that drives me forward to be the person I should have been then. I accept my past, but that doesn't change the fact that I was a fool and an idiot with things like getting diagnosed. I fought tooth and nail to not get diagnosed, I didn't want a label... Looking back I hate that and wish I would have been more accepting. I also look back and realize that if I were more accepting, I would have never found this place, and I probably would be slightly worse off right now. And that starts to lead into a new topic I am about to post.



pakled
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,015

07 Feb 2009, 9:01 pm

Well, after awhile you realize the only person who remembers your mistakes are you. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes (that you can't help), as long as you learn from them. It's a long painful process (mea culpa), but sometimes it takes.

There's a course I took on negative thinking (I know, I know...but it wasn't all 'sunshine up yer keister' kinda stuff...;) and one thing that helps is putting yourself mentally outside the situation, and seeing whether it was as bad as it looks. Doesn't always work, but it makes me feel better.



zghost
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,190
Location: Southeast Texas

07 Feb 2009, 9:59 pm

Quote:
I look back on my past and can't help but think how much more foolish I was a day, week, month, year, 2 years, etc ago... Will this cycle of feeling like an idiot for my past ever end?

Hope that it doesn't, this is how we learn. Most people with no regrets are total assholes.



philski
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2007
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
Location: Park City

07 Feb 2009, 10:20 pm

millie wrote:

oh dear, Padium. Your past is you. you are your experiences and if you loathe them you carry that rather dubious energy around with you.
if you cannot love your past - then at least try to accept it.


Very well put. I can relate to what you say Padium. I feel deeply scarred by certain experiences of my past. I've learned for the most part to accept this past. At times I've even loved that past when in 'the zone' of deeper understanding that everything happens for a reason. Wish those moments of clarity were more numerous.

When everything is complete on my journey called life, I wouldn't be surprised to discover one or our 'assignments' was to learn to love ourselves and our fellowman. Granted, being on the Autism spectrum makes that assignment a little more challenging. In a recovery program I belonged to for 25 years, they say that pain is the touchstone to all progress. It was a motivator for me to change in many ways. There are days I don't like where I am, but looking back, thank God I'm not where I was.

Good luck on your journey...


_________________
<My Karma ran over your Dogma.>


Sora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,906
Location: Europe

08 Feb 2009, 7:52 am

This is really interesting. I really (mentally) stand behind all my decisions I did in the past up to when I was a toddler.

I can understand that many things should embarrass me because others are embarrassed by things they did in the past too, but I just don't feel that. And if I think about a situation in which I know I could have done better, I can tell myself that I really could have done better, but what I did was reality and I can't regret it or feel bad about it.

This is like... I can't comprehend the reason for feeling embarrassed. A mistake of the past doesn't embarrass me in the present. But it's the mistake that embarrasses others, right?

This is one of the many things that I think are totally crazy and alien about other people. Or about me. Depending on which one's normal. It's so extremely fascinating to know others feel totally different about the same thing.


_________________
Autism + ADHD
______
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett


9CatMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,403

08 Feb 2009, 11:14 am

I think about it a lot and am embarrassed by it. I remember what an idiot I used to be. I am surprised that not everyone believed I was a complete retard. Only the really nasty people who didn't know me called me that.



samtoo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,753
Location: England

08 Feb 2009, 1:44 pm

It still happens to me sometimes, but you can't let the past consume you.

People aren't really 24/7 judging what you were like in the past and such...

Perhaps you could try meditation, or learn from teachings of Buddhism or Taoism or something - it's helping me... I just need to get more and more involved in it.


_________________
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.