Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

bonez
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 250
Location: Maryland

07 Feb 2009, 9:01 pm

I ran across this article which talks about the Do's/Don'ts of getting into a relationship with an aspie.... and it says in the article....."Never teach an aspie how to tell a lie..."
Why is that such a bad thing?

here's a link
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Boyf ... s-Syndrome

and here's the article...


Quote:
How to Deal With a Boyfriend Who Has Asperger's Syndrome
Are you a teenage girl and have you ever wanted to date someone who has Asperger's Syndrome and become his girlfriend? This article is written just for you. Here is the necessary information to help make that distant pipe dream into reality. First, you need to know what Asperger's Syndrome is. Asperger's Syndrome (Aspie for a shorter term) is a mild form of autism. It is the highest-functioning of the autism spectrum conditions. People with Asperger's Syndrome have difficulty in communication. They are desperate to make friends, but don't know how to do it successfully. People with this condition, especially males, have a good memory and can easily remember facts, like what the weather is today. Aspies are generally very honest and do not know how to tell a lie. Those who have learned to lie have done so to avoid being abused. Here is a link to a useful website about Asperger's Syndrome; some of the articles may surprise you, even if you are well aware of the condition.


[edit] Steps Learn what Asperger's Syndrome is. An article written by someone with the condition is the best way to ensure you have true info. Read books written by Aspies. If the Aspie you like is well-aware of his condition, let him explain to you how it affects him.
Become close friends with him. Give him your phone number and your e-mail address. Have him give you his phone number and his e-mail address.
Find out his interests, his hobbies, and his talents. You will have the best chance to become his girlfriend if you have something in common with him. Have him help you with something you are having trouble with. Get involved in his hobbies. If the two of you have a commmon interest, share each other's knowledge of the subject.
Be aware that many Aspies do not like to be touched, so be careful when you touch. Make sure he knows you are about to touch him before initiating any physical contact. When you touch, try to rub his arm, rub your forefinger together with his forefinger, touch his hand or hold his hand. ` Most Aspies love that. You can also rub his back; preferably his bare back.
Some Aspies can't stand to be hugged, while others love being hugged. If he cannot stand to be hugged, try a high-five in place of a hug. Don't hit his hand too hard when giving him high-fives due to his tactile sensitivity.
Many Aspies know when a girl is flirting with them, but don't know how to initiate it. Make sure you initiate the flirting; that may be all that is necessary to get the Aspie to flirt with you.
If you want to kiss him, tell him that you want to kiss him. Otherwise, he will pull away until he figures out that you want to kiss him. You may have to teach him how to kiss a girl for the best results.



[edit] Tips When flirting with an aspie, try to use as little subtlety as possible. Subtle gestures, especially when only body language and posturing is used, will not even be picked up by an aspie, and it will appear to you as if he's not interested.
Don't feel bad if he flinches when you touch him. Let him tell you when it is okay to touch him.
Don't be surprised if he doesn't buy you gifts. He may not know what to buy or he has too much on his mind to remember to buy you a gift.
Don't get mad if he makes fun of you. He was not aware that he made fun of you. However, if you tell him to stop and he continues anyway, he has no desire to make you happy, and you should get out of that relationship.
If the Aspie gives you a monologue or a lecture about something he likes, do not interrupt. If you do, he might think you are not paying attention and start the monologue over again from the beginning. He will keep doing this until he feels you have heard everything he has said. This is the only way many Aspies know how to talk to people. Even very self-aware Aspies have to do this once in a while. Another term for this is a "data dump."
If someone tries to bully the Aspie in front of you, tell the bullies to stop bugging him and tell the teacher about it. Don't ask him, "Are those people bugging you?" His response will automatically be "NO!"
If someone is trying to get into the Aspie's head, tell the Aspie, "Don't listen to him/her."
If you and the Aspie have a class together, pair up with him with assignments that require working with a partner. Aspies are usually the people who benefit the most from having a partner, but rarely gets one that can help him learn teamwork skills and often ends up with no partner at all.
You may have to teach him how the non-autistic world works and how relationships work.
If you want to go out with him, don't expect him to ask you out as most Aspies do not know how to ask a girl out. Even extremely self-aware Aspies have more trouble with this than other guys do.
Go very slowly. Get to know each other before you attempt to ask him out.
Be carfeful about joking with Aspies. They tend to take things literally. Aspies into humor tend to use complex puns, which reveal his advanced memory. Some Aspies like to be sarcastic, but are unaware of when to stop saying sarcastic jokes and as a result, may unintentionally make fun of you and hurt your feelings.
The Aspie may have trouble picking up subtle hints that you like him. Instead, tell him that you love him.
You may have to tell your friends that your boyfriend has Asperger's Syndrome, preferably those you trust. If the Aspie is very self-aware, let him explain about how it affects him.
Be aware that Aspies have trouble expressing their feelings verbally. Many Aspies find it easier and better to express their feelings through writing and poetry.
Even if the Aspie cannot stand to be around people for long, invite him to your birthday party. It is better to be invited to a party and never show up than to not be invited at all.



[edit] Warnings Be very careful about flirting if the Aspie has been bullied a lot. He may think you are bullying him. Most Aspies are vulnerable to bullying.
Never, ever lie to an Aspie. Most Aspies are untrusting of people they don't like. If you lie to him, he will no longer trust you.
Never teach an Aspie how to tell a lie. The only reason anyone should tell a lie is if someone will abuse them if they had told the truth about something.
Since most Aspies are untrusting of strangers, it is unwise to ask him to take a walk with you until he knows you and likes you.
If you do not know him, DO NOT call out his name when he walks by. He will not be able to respond.
The Aspie may not know how to accept a compliment.
He may not know what compliment to say and may say the wrong one at the wrong time.
He may not know how to show that he likes you.
Leave him alone if he is angry, especially if you had just unintentionally distracted or interrupted him. Most Aspies have difficulty in dealing with anger. Some may throw a volcanic tantrum. Some Aspies internalize anger when people are around and blow up when nobody is around. When the tantrum is finished, the Aspie will go on as if he had never thrown the tantrum.
You may be given a hard time because you have an Aspie boyfriend. This comes from people with little to no knowledge of autism.
Bullies may come up with very convincing stories on why you should not talk to an Aspie. For example, a guy may say that the Aspie is a rapist, especially if you are one of the popular girls. Don't believe those stories one single bit; believing those stories will only poison your perception of Aspies. Remember that bullies are cowards and always try to project their personality on other people; Aspies are especially vulnerable to this because of their communications difficulties.
Do not let other people talk you into breaking up with him. Many people will try to make you do this.
If the Aspie is unaware of his condition, try to tell him he has it and be prepared to explain what it is, since he'll deny it, until you have explained some of the common difficulties Aspies have.



[edit] Things You'll Need A male Aspie you have a crush on and that you like him a lot
Articles or books on Asperger's Syndrome written by someone with the condition



anonOS
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 70

07 Feb 2009, 9:09 pm

Because it makes avoiding things easier, and allows you to not face the real issue, which generally creates a larger issue latter.



bonez
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 250
Location: Maryland

07 Feb 2009, 9:17 pm

anonOS wrote:
Because it makes avoiding things easier, and allows you to not face the real issue, which generally creates a larger issue latter.
But why specifically aspies? Can't you say that about NT's too?



garyww
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,395
Location: Napa, California

07 Feb 2009, 9:19 pm

why lie when telling the truth is so effortless?


_________________
I am one of those people who your mother used to warn you about.


FerrariMike_40
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 187

07 Feb 2009, 9:19 pm

Is it not better to tell the truth, other than to save from abuse?


_________________
ADD. HFA. CCCP. SFRY.


pakled
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,015

07 Feb 2009, 9:45 pm

how bloody condescending...I feel like a stick of dynamite...;)

Sounds like it came from Cosmo girl...;)



tweety_fan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,555

07 Feb 2009, 9:49 pm

or from one of the other magazines.



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

07 Feb 2009, 9:54 pm

People with AS can lie just as well as anyone. Sure, there's some with such who are black and white in regards to lying (see: me), but there's some who are also pathological liars (my father is a good example).

They say "we" can't lie because we don't censor our thoughts, and we give the cold/blunt truth, as we don't know much about social niceties.



Padium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,369

07 Feb 2009, 9:58 pm

While some of this is good advice, and means well, most of it is complete BS. Most notably, the part about honesty, you cannot be completely transparent like we supposedly want if you are following this guide.



2ukenkerl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,191

07 Feb 2009, 11:27 pm

Danielismyname wrote:
People with AS can lie just as well as anyone. Sure, there's some with such who are black and white in regards to lying (see: me), but there's some who are also pathological liars (my father is a good example).

They say "we" can't lie because we don't censor our thoughts, and we give the cold/blunt truth, as we don't know much about social niceties.


You're right about how aspies can tell lies. All that you said here is right. But with me...

I never really lied when I was younger. I DID start lying when I was unjustly punished, the truth wasn't easily believed, etc... Still, I HATE lying! To this day, people will ask me "a simple yes or no question", and I answer with a paragraph to state the whole truth. And I never used to censor my thoughts, but I certainly do now. OK, sometimes I do it VERY poorly, but usually I do it ok. And I guess the part about not trusting strangers is right also. That HAS played a good part in my life.



2ukenkerl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,191

07 Feb 2009, 11:37 pm

You can say what you want about that article. It is late, and I only read snippets, but she kind of has ME pegged in parts. Like HERE!

Quote:
Tips When flirting with an aspie, try to use as little subtlety as possible. Subtle gestures, especially when only body language and posturing is used, will not even be picked up by an aspie, and it will appear to you as if he's not interested.
Don't feel bad if he flinches when you touch him. Let him tell you when it is okay to touch him.
Don't be surprised if he doesn't buy you gifts. He may not know what to buy or he has too much on his mind to remember to buy you a gift.
Don't get mad if he makes fun of you. He was not aware that he made fun of you. However, if you tell him to stop and he continues anyway, he has no desire to make you happy, and you should get out of that relationship.
If the Aspie gives you a monologue or a lecture about something he likes, do not interrupt. If you do, he might think you are not paying attention and start the monologue over again from the beginning. He will keep doing this until he feels you have heard everything he has said. This is the only way many Aspies know how to talk to people. Even very self-aware Aspies have to do this once in a while. Another term for this is a "data dump."


WOW, I wish women WERE less subtle! I will tell you something though. TODAY a woman talked to me and I WOULD have tried to react in a positive way, but I wasn't interested, so I acted like normal. I WAS polite, but it could only go to a friendship. So I am AT LEAST getting to consider it at a moments notice. 30+ YEARS too late, but at least this old dog is still learning some new tricks.

BTW I think she offered some nice advice. It is better than most advice I see about how women should treat men. Most stuff is GARBAGE and you wonder if the author even TALKED to a male.