Sometimes I wish I were lower functioning...

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You are aware of that there are a couple of people who'll deny that a diagnosis is correct, yes?

Because when I told some people about classical autism and AS, they thought I was misdiagnosed or/and that my case must be so mild, it's probably not a valid diagnosis.

They didn't 'get' the disorder and rather attributed my obvious gross deficits to what they knew and understood and which ultimately seemed more plausible to them than 'autism'.

My parents definitly do not deny my diagnosis, they sought it out to know what was "wrong" with me... But they are under the impression that I will grow out of it eventually. They believed that so strongly I believed it for a while too... I eventually realized that there is no such thing as catching up to the level of people my own age, I may learn to blend in, but I will always be different...

Yeah I know how it is. I kind of wish the same thing sometimes looking at lower functioning people. They seem so used to being seen as different, they don't have to worry that people see them as childish and such. They seem to have more confidence as well.

Basically I think their total confusion about social interaction makes them almost blissfully ignorant of how they might come off to other people.

When I was younger I believe I used to be lower functioning, I think we all might be able to say that. I remember not understanding why people got embarrassed, and what it ment to be awkward.

I've seen similar things in quality of life studies done with people who have CP. On physical measures of QoL, the higher functioning people score higher (well, duh), but on the emotional and social measures, the lower functioning you are, the higher you score. I've seen this phenomenon explained several different ways. Some people say the expectations are different for the two groups. Some people say that with the very low IQ group, it's possible not to know what you don't have (but most people with CP do not have profound MR; most don't have MR at all, and they are assuming that knowing your skills are lower would automatically lower QoL, which it doesn't). Another line of thought is that lower functioning people are more sheltered, and have more chances at having friends among the kids in a special ed class than the people with mild CP have at making friends among their typical classmates. And some people think it just has to do with the idea that if you are severely disabled, you aren't exposed to as much prejudice because it's much easier to make fun of someone who's clumsy and stutters than someone who uses a wheelchair.

First, if you are in a wheelchair, it is wrong to make fun of you because you ae visably disabled, but if you look perfectly normal, and are a bit odd/not so clean, yu are an easy target whether it is because of disability or not. I am past that stage, it doesn't bother me as much when people make fun of me, and that only happens behind my back now, and I know it happens, because I have overheard people doing it. That's not my problem...

Part of my problem is awareness of my dfferences, and I understand, based on reading the posts of lower functioning people here, that being lower functioning wouldn't help with that... But that is still not my biggest issue.

My biggest issue is that people see me as normal, and I am quite clearl not. Even my parents view me as relatively normal, especially because m 13 year old brother is lower functioning (although still as aware of his state as I am of mine), and put the expectations of someone who is normal on me. I would not be autistic if I were as high functioning as an NT, and therefore are lower functioning than some f the expectations they place on me. I wish they would just view me as who I am, and not as someone who is socially slow and otherwise NT. I am not socially slow, I have the knowledge, body, and comprehension of an 18 year old, with the mind of an 8 year old... I wish they would just learn where my mind is, and not necessarily treat me like an 8 year old, but rather not treat me like a normal 18 year old. I need help with a lot of things, and they don't fully understand that.

I have an appointment with my psych I have needed to reschedual because he was somewhere else for it, and I am yet to call to book a new apointment as I don't know how to schedual an appointment. Even worse than that is my psych is retiring next year... Fortunatly this means I am not getting forced out of his care as quickly as I should have been, as he is a pediatrician. If he were not retiring, I would already have a different psych.

I just wish people would stop thinking I am some prodigy and learn something about AS, and recognize how crippling it actually is for me, rather than expecting me to become something I will never be. I just want to live comfortably, I don't care about being fully independant, as long as I can enjoy my life. I want to feel fulfilled, not pushed into a mold that I cannot fill.

I just wish I would have been diagnosed HFA rathe than AS... That label would have had a better impact on what people would have expected from me. I hope they remove the AS diagnosis, as there is too much overlap, and it is viewed as normal functioning with slight oddities by a lot of people who barely understand it. Had I have been HFA, I would not have to deal with such unrealistic expectations.

I am actually going to go over the notes o my diagnosis, as my dad has them at home, just out of curiosity.

Yup, everyone expects me to be normal too, but i am not and they always argue with me that "why you can't and blah,blah,blah..just go there and do it, how hard can it be?!" I am going to haite most of NT's because they never understand. Even if they know that i have aspergers, they still think that i hide myself behind this "illness" and they think that it's an excuse not for doing things.

You see this from wrong point - the awareness of the differences of being Aspergers is not your problem, it is the problem of the other. If you do not act as they think you shall/should they have a problem - not you.

There is only one exception: If you must earn money in a NT-environment, like the most, you had to play on their rules, other you can safely give a s**t about other's ideas.

and I understand, based on reading the posts of lower functioning people here, that being lower functioning wouldn't help with that... But that is still not my biggest issue.



You are 18, why do care how your parents see you: They accept you as you are, that's fine; if not, their problem!

---

In the moment you make yourself dependent on the viewpoint of others, you place yourself in a very weak position. If you don't care about others, than you can act as you like, you are than the master of the game and not any longer the object of the game.



Do you really need help? Wouldn't it be a good chance to test out how much help you really need? If any at all? You are just 18, did you test it out?

Do you know what it would mean if really would need constant help? It would mean that for the rest of your live, and this can be today 70 years and more, you could make any real decision for own? Is this you want?



At the end no psychologist etc. can't help you here - the only one how can help in this situation is YOU!

Padium,
it sounds like the problem is not being understood,it isnt fair on self to expect worsening just to get better understanding,what about getting an as/autism specialist involved/to speak to parents? that pysch have mentioned will do.
or getting them a book about ASDs?
Am hope do manage to get something sorted and can get some better understanding and less pressure.


But [at least from own experience] being lower functioning doesnt create better understanding/a better view of how are seen by others.
its less expectations,but living day to day knowing parents had wanted self in a home or dead because they couldn't cope,being told how much of a burden are on everyone that live with by support staff every day,relieing on family or staff for basic help including with bathing and changing,a resident allowed to get away with sexual abuse on am because of having no understanding of it back then.
another staff pushing self around to try and start a fight-she had to turn off hoover so am was able to come back in the building to finish off routine,and having no say against her as the autistic one because it just gets written off as 'challenging behavior',being forced to live in unsuitable residential homes with others because council see self as being too high needs to pay for living on own but with own support team-but they will give people with severe physical disabilities the choice.
Being seen as profoundly intellectually impaired when am and many other LFAs are not,being spoken around but never to,being seen as hopeless,being left in severe inside pain because staff have got the doctor to put only three pain killers allowed a day on the MAR sheets-not being allowed over the counter painkillers or even vitamin tablets or savlon cream because they've not got the doctors signature.
That is just some of own experience,but there's another autie here [not on wp/at this home]who is lfa but profound-and she has been left in pain and depression for years because no one bothers with her, the behavior she does to show those things-banging and screaming are written down as her 'challenging',pretty much a common excuse used on LFAs-especially those who have very limited communication ability.


What about writing parents a letter to explain what think?

Your posts always seem to have a lot of insight into them. And you're right about one thing, I do not wish to be LFA, I just wish I would not be regarded as being on the high functioning end of AS. I think I would have done much better with an HFA diagnosis, same disorder pretty much, but I would be looked at as being closer to how I really am. AS is a load of crap for how people view it... They either view people with AS as being antisocial people with a high IQ who should be working for Microsoft, or they view people with AS as being bullshitters who want attention... I am neither. I am actually lower functioning than what my family expects of me, and I just wish they would realize that than keep placing the burden of being able to become NT on me.

I am actually going to take a look at my medical records regarding my diagnosis just to see what they say, and see if I can use any of that to try to teach them about what I am really like.

On a side note, your post has been the most understanding yet.

I wouldn't ever want to be lower-functioning, and I'm very thankful that I'm as high-functioning as I am, but I totally agree with you on how frustrating it is for others to think that we're "normal" and capable of doing everyday things since our disabilities/difficulties are, for the most part, invisible.
-OddDuckNash99-

OK, look, I know you didn't mean it that way, but this really hits a nerve with me. I spent a lot of time not asking for help, and failing at school and almost ending up homeless, and being told I was lazy because I was "so smart" and could "obviously" take care of myself. We get this a lot. If you're intelligent and your impairments aren't obvious, lots of people will say you're just lazy or you just need to try harder, and if you're an Aspie you've probably heard it so often you've fallen into the habit of saying it to yourself.

Anyway, often times, getting people to help you means getting them to help you learn to do things for yourself. If you're too "independent" to get somebody to teach you things you "should" know how to do on your own, then you won't learn them, or you'll take forever learning them, and you won't be nearly as capable as you could be, with help.

And what in the world is this "if you ask for help now you'll end up still needing it at 70"? Yes, it's possible to get trapped in the system, but it's just as possible to get trapped outside of it, with help unavailable because people have the idea that you're too smart to need it.

There are many different kinds of help, and most of them don't actually involve getting people to do things for you. You could go to a counselor to talk about things and hash out plans for solving your problems. You could get somebody to teach you how to do something by saying the steps and standing there while you do it, and eventually getting the steps memorized and doing it on your own. You could get somebody to help you plan how to organize yourself, by sitting down together and working out a schedule, filling out a day planner, or talking about how to do the job and then getting instructions put together so you can follow them when you do whatever it is. You can get somebody to just be there for moral support when you do something difficult, like maybe somebody to go with you when you go to a new doctor for the first time. You could get a job coach for the first few weeks at a new job, to help you learn it and get used to it. Then there's stuff you might get at school--tutoring, or private testing room, or study skills classes, so you can learn better. You're still doing the learning; only the environment's different to make it easier for you.

That's all "help" and none of it will trap you into anything. The kind of help you want to look for is the kind that makes you more independent, not less.

I've found that expectations placed on people with "invisible" disabilities really have nothing to do with the level of severity of said invisible disability, but rather, the compassion and understanding of those who place the expectations on you.

As for not having tried my hand at independance, I have lived completely on my own for roughly a week (roommates had gone home as they were done exams) and the isolation made me so depressed... So I refuse to live alone. Until I have someone to move in with, I refuse to move out of my parents home.

I also am getting tutoring for my classes, as I cannot learn from the lectures, and I need the one on one to really get the stuff.

Have you considered a roommate arrangement? Many young adults, especially college students, use this sort of thing to beat the high cost of rent. For example, I and three other people in their early 20s spent about a year renting a house together; rent per person was only $250, which is very good. If isolation is your only reason for not moving out, there are definitely solutions for that--you don't have to wait until you can get married. College classifieds are good sources for finding housemates.

It's not the only reason, but it is the biggest reason.

Preach it, Brother!

Sometimes, you have to give yourself the compassion and patience other people are unwilling to give you. It might, at times, be a situation when all you can do when the world keeps putting pressure on you is to say, F*k that and try maintaining what little sanity you have left.