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digger1
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26 Feb 2009, 1:39 pm

All my life I'd had an explosive temper with a hair trigger.

Can anyone suggest a way - any way to keep it under wraps and on a tight leash?



Sora
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26 Feb 2009, 1:59 pm

The simplest and at the same time hardest (for some people) is the following:

Get to know the point when you start to feel annoyed. Also get to know the point beyond that when you explode.

Pull yourself out of the situation or induce calming actions or signal a very obvious definite 'stop' when you feel you move beyond annoyance. Stop right there before you cannot stop anymore.

You must learn when you can take some more and when you had enough and will flip. Learn your limits and act accordingly before your limits are overstepped.


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Padium
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26 Feb 2009, 2:13 pm

I used to have those issues, but then I became very passive, don't know why exactly I became so passive, but I did.



MissConstrue
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26 Feb 2009, 2:34 pm

I've been in several programs for anger management because of my outbursts. What's funny is I've had people assume I was never the angry type...which is somewhat true but there's a reason and that is I hid some of my anger with who and/or what it was that was really making me angry. Take that and then having sensory issues with loud noises and people...

My tempers use to go from passive to explosive and I have to say like any meeting you have to be patient and willing to listen.

I had a lot of people point out my redflags and all it did was make me more defensive. I still have trouble with this every now and then. There are healthier ways to express anger without attacking and I've always had trouble in that area.

One thing to do is also know your anger triggers. Different things trigger anger for different people. You might laugh off an insult that infuriates your friend. Your friend may fume when they kept waiting, while you think it's no big deal.

Try listing what makes you angry and identify the triggers or the warning signs before that anger goes into action.

I'm reading a book called Feeling Good by David Burn. It's a type of cognitive therapy which helps identify patterns of perceptions and thoughts in various scenarios. It's something I'm still working on.


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digger1
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26 Feb 2009, 5:30 pm

Thing is, most of the time I can keep cool but some days I feel under attack or under appreciated or over worked. You know? Those days, normally in the evening, all I have to do is trip on something or Olivia screams (I have very sensitive hearing) or stub my toe and I go ballistic. I trow whatever I tripped on. I scream or shout, I flail my arms. I never, ever lash out at people. I might toss my cat across the room (a small carpeted room) he's fine - he doesn't mind :)



Padium
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26 Feb 2009, 5:43 pm

digger1 wrote:
Thing is, most of the time I can keep cool but some days I feel under attack or under appreciated or over worked. You know? Those days, normally in the evening, all I have to do is trip on something or Olivia screams (I have very sensitive hearing) or stub my toe and I go ballistic. I trow whatever I tripped on. I scream or shout, I flail my arms. I never, ever lash out at people. I might toss my cat across the room (a small carpeted room) he's fine - he doesn't mind :)


If your cat doesn't walk right back to you to be thrown again, he doen't like it.



digger1
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26 Feb 2009, 5:56 pm

yup, he thinks it's a game. He'll come right back for more. I'll have to "psssst!" him away.



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26 Feb 2009, 6:03 pm

digger1 wrote:
yup, he thinks it's a game. He'll come right back for more. I'll have to "psssst!" him away.


Can I buy your cat off of you?



26 Feb 2009, 6:11 pm

Only way to avoid it is if people will listen to me. When I say "leave me alone" I mean it, don't ignore those words and don't tell me to "calm down." How stupid can they be to not listen? Oh right, to them "leave me alone" means "comfort me, please keep bugging me because I need it." So I have to get nasty to get them to listen and my bf stares at me and I tell him to stop looking at me. Why does he stare at me? I should ask him.



digger1
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26 Feb 2009, 6:24 pm

Padium wrote:
digger1 wrote:
yup, he thinks it's a game. He'll come right back for more. I'll have to "psssst!" him away.


Can I buy your cat off of you?


why?

It's just in that moment I don't want him as a shadow. Other times is okay except when he chews on my ear at 4AM :D

He's my obee kenobee, I love him :heart:



mitharatowen
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26 Feb 2009, 6:35 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I'm reading a book called Feeling Good by David Burn. It's a type of cognitive therapy which helps identify patterns of perceptions and thoughts in various scenarios.

:thumleft: ! !! !! !! !
An excellent book!! I have a copy myself. I need to work harder on actually doing the excercises but just reading through it helped me to see a lot of the ways I sabatoge myself. It's an excellent book. His ways of dealing with an argument are really hard, though! Finding a way to agree with someone who is attacking you is very hard!



Padium
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26 Feb 2009, 6:47 pm

digger1 wrote:
Padium wrote:
digger1 wrote:
yup, he thinks it's a game. He'll come right back for more. I'll have to "psssst!" him away.


Can I buy your cat off of you?


why?

It's just in that moment I don't want him as a shadow. Other times is okay except when he chews on my ear at 4AM :D

He's my obee kenobee, I love him :heart:


I want a pet that will let me throw him.



digger1
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26 Feb 2009, 8:17 pm

toss, not throw.



Nim
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26 Feb 2009, 8:34 pm

I used to punch walls a lot. Then we finally split and I didn't anymore.



Padium
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26 Feb 2009, 8:41 pm

digger1 wrote:
toss, not throw.


Same idea, different word... I wouldn't try to hurt the thing.

My favourite cat in the world likes to play by mock biting, what i mean by this is she likes people to put their hand in her face hand play rough with her, and she will play rough back by biting gently so it doesn't peirce the skin ever... unless she is mad at you, but I have never seen her mad.



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26 Feb 2009, 11:01 pm

Drugs


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