Parents of AS kids 10-18... help me?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi guys,
I'm not a frequent poster, but I have been lurking ALOT, and really wanted to get some input if anyone had some time to spare. I am at the end of my rope in trying to figure out how I might be able to help my son.

There description of symptoms seems to span classical autism to Asperger on various posts here. I'm trying to figure out where my son might fall - he has been evaluated etc, but doesn't seem to fit a mold. Could you help me with 3 questions, please?

1. My son will be 4 in April. What were your child's symptoms like at age 4-ish? (What was their imaginative play and conversations like, in particular)


2. How old is your child and What are their biggest areas of difficulty today?


3. What distinguished AS from classical autism for your child?


THank you all so very much!!

My daughter is 22, hopefully that's not too far outside your parameters. Please remember that the spectrum of autistic disorders isn't a single line. In effect, it's more of a cloud of different points and that the points are not only on a vertical or horizontal axis, and that each point is an individual's uniqueness. Just take him as he comes, and enjoy!

My daughter was, at 4, more literate-sounding than most 40 year olds around her. She was obsessed with playing computer games - at that time they were very rudimentary, but she knew how to boot the computer, and switch disks in and out. She was cutting her own mix tapes at age 3 - she could put a record on the turntable and put a tape in the recorder, and push the pause button when she needed to. Her daycare told me, from her very youngest time, that she had a lot of trouble with transitions. As in from inside to outside at playtime. They had to prep her, warn her in advance how things were going to play out. At home, the food had to be in the right spot on the plate - the potato went on the left, the veggies on the right, and the meat in the front. No sauce. Room temperature food only, except for ice cream. Textures of foods were a big issue. No mashed potatos, please, but french fries were a treat. She was reading at the 4th grade level by age 3. I taught her by pointing at signs, ABC blocks, etc. She seemed to be able to read before she could speak. I bought her the most comfortable clothes I could find (having a similar dislike of harsh fabrics) but she regularly shirked them and ran around stark naked. The daycare had a hell of a time that that, at first. She also hated shoes. She potty trained herself by (I think) about age 2. (could be a few months off, there, memory is rusty). SHe came home one day and asked for a "poddy" and so we went and bought one. She sat on it on her own initiative for a couple of hours every day until she was able to go pee when she wanted to. I had nothing to do with the process other than setting the chair up (and throwing away all the "how to potty train your kid" books I'd bought and was planning to read in a few months.)

To tell you the truth, it was a blast - from her birth to the time she hit school were the happiest times of my life. She was a happy little kid (until she started Kindergarten) and we just had a lovely time. She woke up happy, laughed, and I think the only times I ever saw her cry was at immunizations, when she was sick, and one time when she did a header down a slide into the gravel on the playyard on a dare. She didn't seem interested in playing with other kids, but she really wow'd the curator of the natural history museum. She didn't seem to miss the playmates. I had her in a one-evening-a-week program for the gifted at a local university, where she wrote, directed, and performed plays with puppets .. right down to being the foley artist with soup cans and the blackboard. The program only had two other kids there, and there were four grad students to play with, so she loved it. She was easily bored with interactions from her "peers" (age-mates) who just were not on her intellectual level. (They still aren't, but she's learned to look for other things in her interactions with her age-mates.)

Her biggest problem now is that she's still in a sort of delayed adolescence. In a lot of ways she is very, very mature. But in others, she's at about 17 or 18 - the world is still existing for her, on her terms. In the workplace she's meeting expectations placed on her with feelings of "how dare they?" and "I'm not going to do that, it's not in my job description" - she doesn't quite "get" the game. She's learning, but it's like watching a train wreck over and over, in slow motion. I see it coming, there's nothing I can do about it, she does something not considered quite the expected thing, and the consequences are swift. Like telling the truth - NOT always the best option in the workplace. Being too rigid - things not in her job description and being annoyed to be asked to do them... That sort of thing. Being asked, at home, if she'd like to put the kettle on for her mum to have some tea and getting a "yes/no" answer out of her rather than having the kettle put on. And having the very same conversation for years- the "you didn't ask me to put the kettle on!" I remember my father used to put the kettle on for my mum, but not put water in it. She'd chew him out and he'd say "but you didn't ask me to put water in it!" - same principle. (Genetics, oh my!)

HFA/Aspie. Well, I was diagnosed by a pro with probable Aspergers - there's probable because I didn't speak until late, but had a history of severe ear infections that could have caused the speech delay, so there's no way to be sure. The kid, we avoided getting her a formal diagnosis because we didn't want her to have any pre-existing conditions if she needed to get insurance. She was functional enough to manage school without any formal intervention - her teachers were flexible, usually - so there was no need for a formal diagnosis. Besides, the "diagnosis" of Aspergers didn't exist until the mid 1990s, and by the time it got down to the public school level she was already well into high school. It was pretty obvious from her behaviors, and in comparing them with other family members known to be on the Autistic Spectrum, that she's joined us there as well. Documenting it was nothing necessary at the time. We knew - and she knew.

Now that she's in the workforce it's an entirely different thing, however, and we're pursuing a formal "on paper" diagnosis now because she cannot ask for accommodations at a job and expect to receive them (tried, failed) without the documentation.

Last edited by Nan on 26 Feb 2009, 4:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hi I will try to recall, my son is 10 now so some things have changed become more apparent.
My son didn't get his dx until he was 8 just 10 days before his 9th b'day. By the way we live in Australia, not sure if this changes anything for you.

I think he got the AS dx because his language when he was a baby was advanced-so no language delay. His intelligence is within the average range.

I knew very little about autism/aspergers when we went for testing. I always assumed that autistic people were shy- my son has always been in your face.

At age 4 he appeared to me to be highly intelligent, I was confussed when kindergarten said he wouldn't sit still on the mat, they couldn't get him to do any art work he was very young for his age. I do recall he would talk to himself (still does) pace (still does) he didn't line up blocks and trains, but would spend hours building bases for his toy soldiers (same thing I now realise) He even at 4 loved the pc and video games and was a quick learner at these things.
I thought his imaginative play was good- however it wasnt "normal" like the other kids. My son would I realised later mimic tv shows and video games- he would add his own twist but this was his imaginative play, It wasn't until I reflected on his play years later that I realised this is what he had been doing.

He needed prompting most times when greeting or saying good-bye to people. He was kind of a fussy eater- I adapted (he was no where near as bad as other kids on the spectrum) He would constantly ask me if I was happy or sad or cross. He would touch everything. He threw the most wicked tantrums ever. He could win an argument with an adult. He would get upset if we changed anthing. He would fidget constantly. He had the ability to hyper focus on some things but not focus at all on others. He appeared not to hear us when we spoke to him. He couldn't organise himself to follow threw with simple requests. He would come out with the most amazing islands of information, but couldnt recall simple stuff. He could have a conversation mostly one sided (his side lol) if it was about something he wanted to talk about. If I wanted to ask him anything the questions were direct and I would get the shortest answer or he would change the subject or say I dont know. He could pick up a story he had been telling me in the car two weeks previously as if there were no time lapse. He has always been extremely dramatic. There is no middle ground with him.

Other kids were kind of scared of him because he was loud, in your face and demanding. He never really clicked with any one child, he did have some play dates with one kid only because the kids mum was a friend of mine. However they werent good play dates because my son had no interest in the kid he wanted to play with the kids stuff.

Now days he still has all of those problems but applified. Hope this helps these are just some things I recall off the top of my head, I'm sure there are more.

1. At 4, my son was a sponge for information. We could take him almost anywhere and he would soak it up. But difficulties were also starting to appear: meltdowns, difficulties if we didn't do exactly what we said when we said we would, and social issues at preschool. Someone tuned us into the possibility of sensory issues, but we had no idea he was on the spectrum, mostly because he was so drawn to people. He would talk a complete strangers ear off and totally captivate them. We were at that time attributing his personal issues to a poor fit with the preschool and difficulty adjusting to a new baby sisiter. His imaginary life and creativity were huge. He would retreat at preschool from social confrontation by becoming a superhero with super powers. He acted in a play. He started inventing his own series of books, planning it down to how many books would be in the series and what each would cover. Even though he started writing at age 3, he couldn't write much, so he would do kid scribble over pages and pages and then tell us the creation that was in his head. He was insightful beyond his years in many ways, being able to fully participate in his grandfather's funeral, and yet strikingly naive about other things. Even though he wasn't moving ahead of the curve in traditional acedemic subjects, people seemed pretty certain that we had some sort of little genius on our hands, which of course as parents we liked to hear and so we allowed ourselves to buy into that as an explanation. But, just like NT's are all unique, so are AS kids, and I think it will be more the general sense that your child is different that rings true, than an exact description from someone else's child.

2. My son is now 11 and his biggest challenges come from his handwriting issues (a common co-morbid) and his work speed (very slow; some AS have the gift of the opposite, but not my child). He has social issues as well but they don't bother him nearly as much as these other two because he has friends - in his eyes, one or two is plenty. He has strong goals for himself and what bothers him most are things that get in the way of those. Being forced to keep up with schoolwork that takes him too long and is too hard on his hands takes away from his creative time, and he really resents that. He has learned how to manage his own sensory issues so meltdowns are rare. He is a horror at personal hygene and resents that we keep pressing him on it; he truly doesn't care. He lives to invent; the rest is inconvenience. Although, of course, we have sold him on needing lots of general education to make a life of inventing. We're still trying to mold him in certain ways we think it's really important to conform; he wants little to do with that, and the battle is on-going, but we keep it relatively gentle, because experience has taught us that he will eventually "get" it - why we care - and then the battle is over (or he'll convince us that it really, truly, does not matter and we give in, lol). We do mostly let him choose his own roads and be his quirky self at home, and he is thriving for the most part because of that.

3. My son was on time or early for pretty much all development milestones and, while he has had regresion, it was never anything dramatic. He is very aware and high functioning, and quite capable as long as he is allowed to learn in his own way and time. That all leaves me pretty comfortable with the diagnosis of "light Aspergers" v. anything stronger on the spectrum.

I read Aurea's reply and I can SO relate to the "needing prompting to say hi." That is STILL an issue with my son. He totally does not "get" the need to acknowledge someone briefly. If neither is needing to start a conversation, he seems to figure, why say or do anything at all?

Lol, it's such a part of our life that I don't even think about it anymore. I just say "hi" for him.

I am like that very slow cognitive tempo, several cognitive dysfunctions, "not a normal cognitive profile", etc

If I were you I would see if there is anything at all you can do now. Is there some sort of skill that he has now that he will be able to exploit later on in life? I'm not saying to be alarmist just don't be complacent. It can limit your options quite a bit, more than you might think. You are competing with people who are faster. Even if sometimes they don’t do it as well if it takes you ten times as long you are not useful.

Also don't brush it off thinking it will work out. I am not being PC deliberately. People tell me I am intelligent based on verbal. In other words they make an assumption of someone capabilities based on how they talk. When in reality it is much more mixed, and it can mask serious deficiencies. It can actually hinder people thinking you are smart/average, because that comes with an expectation.

There is no basis for those people saying he is some sort of genius. It might be true but could just as well not be true.

I think he'll be OK. My husband and I have both also always had work speed issues and we've been able to live with it. The trick for both of us has been to never hide or deny it, just sell the offset, which for both of us is that we are VERY good at what we do. I know not to be complacent about it, and we talk with our son about it and how it affects things, but it does help that both parents have been there, done that. I do think he is more impaired than we are, but he also has stronger gifts than either of us. Channeling and focusing. We've just got to help him find his way.